My little family of three have fallen on some hard times and we are going to be moving in with my aunt, uncle and cousins for 3 months. After we move in there will be nine people in all living in their 5 bedroom house. I am greatful and blessed that my family offered to help us out like this, can anyone give me any advice on how to make the living situation as seamless as possible to everyone involved?We are about to move in with family for a few months, can anyone give me any advice?
sorry about your difficult times=you are not alone. You are lucky to have such good family.
Try to learn and follow their rules and ';ways'; even if they seem weird to you. Help around the house-run errands, etc. when possible, help with cooking, cleaning, laundry, childcare or whatever. Try to get away so they have private family time once in a while, and you guys have some time alone together too. Be gracious. Contribute financially if/when you can-even a little. Try not to overstay what was initially discussed if you can avoid it. Good luck.We are about to move in with family for a few months, can anyone give me any advice?
Omg. We have a family of 10, and have been living with my uncle, aunt, grandma and 5 cousins for a while. (long story)
It's pretty crazy with 18 people in the house...=/
But if you have to do it, you have to do it...
I'd suggest following all of their rules, helping around the house, and maybe giving your children chores to do. Limit play time with the other kids. Don't invade their privacy, give their family some time alone.
If an argument arises, do not immediately take a side. Listen to both sides of the story.
Ask before using their things, and respect one another.
Try to keep the noise level down best as you can.
Good luck, I hope it goes well!
Dont get too comfortable. Go the extra mile to parent the kids and keep them out of the way. it doesnt matter if other kids will be there, you want to leave them with a good experience and make them miss you!
Clean house, dont stay cooped up there all day everyday. Set goals and in a subtle way let them know each month what you are doing to work on getting out.
Follow all of your uncle and aunts rules. Make sure your kids do too. Be respectful to the family and their property and stay as far away from arguments and conflicts as you can. Good Luck with this situation and do not take advantage of your uncle and aunt.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
100% Italian Girl vs 100% Colombian guy...need advice on how to approach family...?
My girls family is an old fashion Italian family and believe that she should marry an Italian guy. But this is not the case. I'm colombain and we are happy with one another. She wants to tell her father but fears that he is going to put her on lock down. Her mother knows a little and doesnt have a problem but she told her that she rather not know because she doesnt want to hide it from her husband. Im truly lost on what to do. I met him once and that was because i was helping her out with her car and i was introduced as a friend and he liked me.... but I dont know how we can tell them whats going on.. and get the approval so we can be happy together and not hide our relationship.. HELP?100% Italian Girl vs 100% Colombian guy...need advice on how to approach family...?
carefully100% Italian Girl vs 100% Colombian guy...need advice on how to approach family...?
Coming from an italian family.......I can tell you we are a rare breed!! We are set in traditional values and don't like a lot of change. However, we are capable of changing our minds.
First, it depends how old you are. If you're under 18, I'd tell you to wait until you absolutely have to tell her father. Because he's not going to like it in the beginning. He's going to act irrational and cause problems between the two of you.
If you're over 18, she should tell him alone. Just the two of them. Maybe they go for a walk. Or sit and have dinner together. And she should explain to him that she didn't expect to fall for someone outside of her culture.....but she did. And that she found someone that treats her right and makes her very happy. And that it's better to hold on to that than the creeps in the past that were italian or any other nationality. Over time, as he's forced to witness his daughter's happiness.....he'll come around. In the end.....An italian man wants nothing more.....than to see his daughter completely happy.
Just be yourself and don't let an Italian bring you down.
Don't hide anything.
Be honest. If both of you are really in love, you will be together regardless. You MAY need to start a new family with no in-laws, but it is up to both of you to decide if you are going to be together for the rest of your life.
I am Italian; my wife is Brazilian. If my father was alive, he would've cut me off. However, I was intent on having my own family, even if NO ONE stood with me.
With my father and his family, if a person wasn't Italian, they weren't 'human'. Think about the respect your families have for you: Are they more interested in you loving each other or in being the same ethnic group? (Marriages last because of Love, not by being the same nationality).
My mom is Cuban and Catholic while my dad is Jewish and caucasian. There are some issues and miscommunicatons but we get along fine. I think you should just be yourself and show them that you want the best for their daughter and can give it to her. Remind them that it is her choice and that you love eachother.
P.S. If that doesn't work, try to get an Italian accent.
carefully100% Italian Girl vs 100% Colombian guy...need advice on how to approach family...?
Coming from an italian family.......I can tell you we are a rare breed!! We are set in traditional values and don't like a lot of change. However, we are capable of changing our minds.
First, it depends how old you are. If you're under 18, I'd tell you to wait until you absolutely have to tell her father. Because he's not going to like it in the beginning. He's going to act irrational and cause problems between the two of you.
If you're over 18, she should tell him alone. Just the two of them. Maybe they go for a walk. Or sit and have dinner together. And she should explain to him that she didn't expect to fall for someone outside of her culture.....but she did. And that she found someone that treats her right and makes her very happy. And that it's better to hold on to that than the creeps in the past that were italian or any other nationality. Over time, as he's forced to witness his daughter's happiness.....he'll come around. In the end.....An italian man wants nothing more.....than to see his daughter completely happy.
Just be yourself and don't let an Italian bring you down.
Don't hide anything.
Be honest. If both of you are really in love, you will be together regardless. You MAY need to start a new family with no in-laws, but it is up to both of you to decide if you are going to be together for the rest of your life.
I am Italian; my wife is Brazilian. If my father was alive, he would've cut me off. However, I was intent on having my own family, even if NO ONE stood with me.
With my father and his family, if a person wasn't Italian, they weren't 'human'. Think about the respect your families have for you: Are they more interested in you loving each other or in being the same ethnic group? (Marriages last because of Love, not by being the same nationality).
My mom is Cuban and Catholic while my dad is Jewish and caucasian. There are some issues and miscommunicatons but we get along fine. I think you should just be yourself and show them that you want the best for their daughter and can give it to her. Remind them that it is her choice and that you love eachother.
P.S. If that doesn't work, try to get an Italian accent.
Extended Family Vacation to DISNEY WORLD! :) Tips? Advice? Must See's?
My family is planning a Walt Disney World Vacation for September of 2008. (YAY!)
It will be:
Myself %26amp; My Husband (We have no children at this time)
My Sister %26amp; Brother In Law and their 6 year old daughter.
My Mom %26amp; Dad and little sisters, ages 13 %26amp; 14.
Plans are still in the making, but we are planning on going to Magic Kingdom (an obvious must see for the kids),
Epcot ( My Sister %26amp; Dad's choice..not my fav haha!), and Animal Kingdom (i think the whole family will enjoy this one).
We are considering adding Seaworld to the list, and Me %26amp; My Husband would really like to see the Cirque Do Soleil.
Me %26amp; My Husband went to disney world on our honeymoon less than 2 years ago...So we want this trip to be focused on my niece and little sisters. It will be the first DW trip for all 3 of the children.
What should we DEFINATELY see?
What should we PASS ON seeing?
What TIPS or TRICKS do you have? ;)
Any other overall ADVICE?
THANKS SOOOO MUCH!!!Extended Family Vacation to DISNEY WORLD! :) Tips? Advice? Must See's?
First of all, have tons of fun, it sounds like it will be a blast. Now, it can be a very different (though just as magical) experience when you are going with kids, as aposed to with your new husband. September is actually the cheapest time of year, so you MUST stay on Disney property. You may even splurge and stay at one of the deluxe resorts, they are beautiful. Try to make a reservation at Chef Mickey's in the Contemporary resort. The food is good, and it's a character breakfast (so much fun!). If you want to have at least one fancy meal, make it The Flying Fish located on the boardwalk, and then you can rent a surry (4 or 6 person bike, hard work, but so much fun).
Epcot is a great park to go to at night, try the Moroccan restaurant, wonderful food, and fairly inexpensive (fairly). In Epcot, there is Test Track and Soarin' to go on, so it can actually be more than just walking around the World Showcase. Of course, you know you have to go to Magic Kingdom (if you stay on property, you can go to the Extra Magic Hours, so much fun!).
Animal Kingdom is not my personal favorite park, but kids do love it (espescially the 6 year old). When you go, try to see the Finding Nemo musical, it is very good.
If you are going to go to a water park, Blizzard Beach is the best one. Tons of things to do for all ages.
In my opinion, you can keep Seaworld off the list, Disney will fill up all the time you have just fine, and you will never get bored. Cirque Du Soliel is great, however. Amazing dancing and stunts.
Also, one last piece of advice that I give to everyone. Set aside enough time for rest. Many people believe that since they spent so much on tickets, they need to be in the parks 24/7. Don't make that mistake.
I am excited for you, have tons and tons of fun!!!Extended Family Vacation to DISNEY WORLD! :) Tips? Advice? Must See's?
As you stated, Magic Kingdom is a must. It is the anchor. We are going for our 6th visit this year, and it will absolutely be on our list of must dos. Naturally, while there, you should do Space Mountain, Carousel of Progress, Mickey's Philharmagic and of course, the Haunted MAnsion (recently refurbished). Don't forget the parades and Fireworks.
Best spot for the Parade at Magic Kingdom is just beside the Fire Department or across the street in front of the Barber Shop. Parades usually start or end there (they alternate). If they start there, the characters (while waiting to proceed) interact with the crowd more
At Animal Kingdom, Festival of the Lion King, It's Tough to be a Bug and the Safari are musts.
At Epcot, the World Showcase, Soarin' , Mission Space and Spaceship Earth. In my opinion, the best of the Fireworks Shows. Plus the Wine and Food Festival will be on and there are a bunch of great live acts that will be performing.
Germany's Biergarten is the least expensive buffet meal at Disney. Although the Dining Plan (if staying on site) can be worth it.
Avoid Stitch, Sounds Dangerous.
You did not include Hollywood Studios. If you will go, check the parade route and set yourself up at the start. This year, the Parade is strictly Pixar characters. Indiana Jones, The Stunt Show, Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast are great shows.
Take advantage Of Disney's Magical Express if you are staying on site. Which I sincerely think everyone should do. If you can, get to a store off property and stock up on bottled water, juice, snacks and fruit, which you can take into the parks with you.
At $10.00 a day, a small refrigerator in your room can come in handy for milk (to have with cereal in the room for breakfast) and other perishables.
The Water parks at WDW are great, although Seaworld just opened Aquatica.
Don't forget Pleasure Island. It's New years eve at 11:00 every night!!!
When traveling with kids a must of all must is character dinning. There are many to choose from and we have tried them all and adore them. Going to www.waltdisneyworld.com then going to dinning will allow you to read a little about each one, but I would call 1-407 WDWDine and see what is still available during you stay.
The ages between the kids is a hard one, the teens would love Disney Studios' rides, but the six year old may be intimidated by them, or even to small to ride.
Check into Disney's Magical Gatherings, a program they have for groups of 8 or more people. Special events for these groups include special character breakfasts, an end-of-day safari and dinner at Animal Kingdom, specialty fireworks cruises, and private viewing locations for Epcot's Illuminations. Go to http://www.disneyworld.com/magicalgather鈥?/a> or call 407-WDW-MAGIC.
Dinning with the characters, i think is a must. heheh..
There is a whole tips section at the link below.
Biggest tip I have? save some money and have bottled water shipped to your resort before your trip.
Have fun!
Your trip sounds like it is going to be so much fun!
We have also done trips with extended family, and they are great. The one thing I would recommend is using a planning service. We used Custom Mouse Plans and they were so great! They put together an itinerary and park touring plans that included so much for everyone. It is not easy to plan a trip for ages 11 months to 61, and I was so overwhelmed! We sent them our information and the plans they made had the whole group happy. Also, they helped with dining plans and gave us tons of advice at no charge. We didn't wait more than 10 minutes for any ride and we didn't have any arguments. It was the best money we spent on the trip!
Have a wonderful time!
Well you got the tourist traps under wraps... you should go off the beaten path to Parliament House and Millenia, go buy some sick designer goods... besides that... i prefer to feed alligators and get drunk... Disney is way over rated...
Just don't get drunk and go to Millenia.. you will wonder how you spent $8000 and then you will a trunk full of purses and shoes.... boo........
ok well my mom bought this book its called walt disney world with kids 2008 with universal orlando and sea world by kim wright wiley because we are going in april of '08!! and my moms friend said tht the Cirque Do Soleil was very very expensive and to skip it. ok this book has lots of time and money saving tips insiders secrets and scare factors for every ride and venue........clear easy to read maps...........full restaurant and hotel descriptions with star ratings..............quick guides dont miss lists and favorite attractions by age group.......................updates on disneys FASTPASS system and universals EXPRESS system.........and also stuff concerning the disney cruises(i took all tht info off the back of the book)............ok so im guessing you can get this book at any book store like borders or barnes and noble it is $17.95 but definately worth the money ............OH! it also has stuff about the waters parks. hope i could help! bye!
It will be:
Myself %26amp; My Husband (We have no children at this time)
My Sister %26amp; Brother In Law and their 6 year old daughter.
My Mom %26amp; Dad and little sisters, ages 13 %26amp; 14.
Plans are still in the making, but we are planning on going to Magic Kingdom (an obvious must see for the kids),
Epcot ( My Sister %26amp; Dad's choice..not my fav haha!), and Animal Kingdom (i think the whole family will enjoy this one).
We are considering adding Seaworld to the list, and Me %26amp; My Husband would really like to see the Cirque Do Soleil.
Me %26amp; My Husband went to disney world on our honeymoon less than 2 years ago...So we want this trip to be focused on my niece and little sisters. It will be the first DW trip for all 3 of the children.
What should we DEFINATELY see?
What should we PASS ON seeing?
What TIPS or TRICKS do you have? ;)
Any other overall ADVICE?
THANKS SOOOO MUCH!!!Extended Family Vacation to DISNEY WORLD! :) Tips? Advice? Must See's?
First of all, have tons of fun, it sounds like it will be a blast. Now, it can be a very different (though just as magical) experience when you are going with kids, as aposed to with your new husband. September is actually the cheapest time of year, so you MUST stay on Disney property. You may even splurge and stay at one of the deluxe resorts, they are beautiful. Try to make a reservation at Chef Mickey's in the Contemporary resort. The food is good, and it's a character breakfast (so much fun!). If you want to have at least one fancy meal, make it The Flying Fish located on the boardwalk, and then you can rent a surry (4 or 6 person bike, hard work, but so much fun).
Epcot is a great park to go to at night, try the Moroccan restaurant, wonderful food, and fairly inexpensive (fairly). In Epcot, there is Test Track and Soarin' to go on, so it can actually be more than just walking around the World Showcase. Of course, you know you have to go to Magic Kingdom (if you stay on property, you can go to the Extra Magic Hours, so much fun!).
Animal Kingdom is not my personal favorite park, but kids do love it (espescially the 6 year old). When you go, try to see the Finding Nemo musical, it is very good.
If you are going to go to a water park, Blizzard Beach is the best one. Tons of things to do for all ages.
In my opinion, you can keep Seaworld off the list, Disney will fill up all the time you have just fine, and you will never get bored. Cirque Du Soliel is great, however. Amazing dancing and stunts.
Also, one last piece of advice that I give to everyone. Set aside enough time for rest. Many people believe that since they spent so much on tickets, they need to be in the parks 24/7. Don't make that mistake.
I am excited for you, have tons and tons of fun!!!Extended Family Vacation to DISNEY WORLD! :) Tips? Advice? Must See's?
As you stated, Magic Kingdom is a must. It is the anchor. We are going for our 6th visit this year, and it will absolutely be on our list of must dos. Naturally, while there, you should do Space Mountain, Carousel of Progress, Mickey's Philharmagic and of course, the Haunted MAnsion (recently refurbished). Don't forget the parades and Fireworks.
Best spot for the Parade at Magic Kingdom is just beside the Fire Department or across the street in front of the Barber Shop. Parades usually start or end there (they alternate). If they start there, the characters (while waiting to proceed) interact with the crowd more
At Animal Kingdom, Festival of the Lion King, It's Tough to be a Bug and the Safari are musts.
At Epcot, the World Showcase, Soarin' , Mission Space and Spaceship Earth. In my opinion, the best of the Fireworks Shows. Plus the Wine and Food Festival will be on and there are a bunch of great live acts that will be performing.
Germany's Biergarten is the least expensive buffet meal at Disney. Although the Dining Plan (if staying on site) can be worth it.
Avoid Stitch, Sounds Dangerous.
You did not include Hollywood Studios. If you will go, check the parade route and set yourself up at the start. This year, the Parade is strictly Pixar characters. Indiana Jones, The Stunt Show, Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast are great shows.
Take advantage Of Disney's Magical Express if you are staying on site. Which I sincerely think everyone should do. If you can, get to a store off property and stock up on bottled water, juice, snacks and fruit, which you can take into the parks with you.
At $10.00 a day, a small refrigerator in your room can come in handy for milk (to have with cereal in the room for breakfast) and other perishables.
The Water parks at WDW are great, although Seaworld just opened Aquatica.
Don't forget Pleasure Island. It's New years eve at 11:00 every night!!!
When traveling with kids a must of all must is character dinning. There are many to choose from and we have tried them all and adore them. Going to www.waltdisneyworld.com then going to dinning will allow you to read a little about each one, but I would call 1-407 WDWDine and see what is still available during you stay.
The ages between the kids is a hard one, the teens would love Disney Studios' rides, but the six year old may be intimidated by them, or even to small to ride.
Check into Disney's Magical Gatherings, a program they have for groups of 8 or more people. Special events for these groups include special character breakfasts, an end-of-day safari and dinner at Animal Kingdom, specialty fireworks cruises, and private viewing locations for Epcot's Illuminations. Go to http://www.disneyworld.com/magicalgather鈥?/a> or call 407-WDW-MAGIC.
Dinning with the characters, i think is a must. heheh..
There is a whole tips section at the link below.
Biggest tip I have? save some money and have bottled water shipped to your resort before your trip.
Have fun!
Your trip sounds like it is going to be so much fun!
We have also done trips with extended family, and they are great. The one thing I would recommend is using a planning service. We used Custom Mouse Plans and they were so great! They put together an itinerary and park touring plans that included so much for everyone. It is not easy to plan a trip for ages 11 months to 61, and I was so overwhelmed! We sent them our information and the plans they made had the whole group happy. Also, they helped with dining plans and gave us tons of advice at no charge. We didn't wait more than 10 minutes for any ride and we didn't have any arguments. It was the best money we spent on the trip!
Have a wonderful time!
Well you got the tourist traps under wraps... you should go off the beaten path to Parliament House and Millenia, go buy some sick designer goods... besides that... i prefer to feed alligators and get drunk... Disney is way over rated...
Just don't get drunk and go to Millenia.. you will wonder how you spent $8000 and then you will a trunk full of purses and shoes.... boo........
ok well my mom bought this book its called walt disney world with kids 2008 with universal orlando and sea world by kim wright wiley because we are going in april of '08!! and my moms friend said tht the Cirque Do Soleil was very very expensive and to skip it. ok this book has lots of time and money saving tips insiders secrets and scare factors for every ride and venue........clear easy to read maps...........full restaurant and hotel descriptions with star ratings..............quick guides dont miss lists and favorite attractions by age group.......................updates on disneys FASTPASS system and universals EXPRESS system.........and also stuff concerning the disney cruises(i took all tht info off the back of the book)............ok so im guessing you can get this book at any book store like borders or barnes and noble it is $17.95 but definately worth the money ............OH! it also has stuff about the waters parks. hope i could help! bye!
Any family court lawyers out there? Need advice DESPERATELY!!!?
In desperate need of help!!! My husband and I just got a call from my stepson (my husbands son)’ s school. Apparently our son’s “birth” mother went to the school and allowed him to get signed out of high school so that he can go to night school. We went to see the principal this morning and he let him back into the school. He is failing and played hooky for 24 days. We now have to go to hearing through the board of Ed to find out if he will be left back. We will do what we have to do but long story short. Our child’s birth mother had no right to sign him out of school. Our son’s primary residence is with us not her!! Legally what can we do? My husband is so upset. We want to call her and tell her we will no longer be sending the kids to see her on Wednesdays any longer. If we do this, is that considered kidnapping? Legally we don’t want to get in any trouble but we have had enough! What would happen if we refuse her the visitations?
Thank you so much for any help and advice!!!Any family court lawyers out there? Need advice DESPERATELY!!!?
everything gets better with time.Any family court lawyers out there? Need advice DESPERATELY!!!?
I am a father who had gone through the same type of situation. First I will tell you that unless the child in in harms way you should not keep him from the visits. If seeing her is detrimental, you need to file a motion in family court and plead your case otherwise depending on the court ordered visitation you may be in contempt. The school issue goes like this, If she has joint custody she can do what she did and for the most part get away with it. If you and your husband have sole physical and legal the school had no right to let him out. The thing is you need to make clear with the school that she has no legal rights and should not have been able to do that.
No one can advise your husband without a copy of the divorce and custody declaration. Also, IF the mother's visitation (as spelled out in the visitation order) is wednesday's and he fails to provide the child, he can be held in contempt of a court order. If it happens enough times, he could be held in criminal contempt, jailed, fined and lose custody.
So, what does the custody order state?
I am no attorney but I think the school was also to blame for allowing this. If she is not his legal guardian, the school should've denied her access.
Obtain all of the documents that SHE signed from the school - present them to whoever is looking in to this matter.
i doubt any real lawyers would give you any advice for free. my last lawyer once charged me half hour fee for leaving a voice mail on his machine.
your hubby's gotta get a lawyer and maybe file a restraint order or something.
File for an emergency hearing to have her rights suspended temporarily. If she had no right to do this, why did it happen? You’ll also need to get to the bottom of all of this. And how did your stepson miss 24 days? Are you and your husband not noticing this? Not trying to point fingers, but I just am trying to figure this out because a judge will ask the same thing.
Does this mother have any legal rights? Has she ever? If not, then none of this matters. And your husband needs to do more to protect his son regarding his mother’s actions.
Do you have a lawyer? If not, seek one out or find legal aide.
** ADD **
Also, you shouldn’t refuse visitation at all. I know his best interest is kept in mind here, but I think if anything, you should just ask to reschedule or ask that they be supervised. That way your court date will hopefully come first.
Do you have sole custody of said child? If so, it is your husband's responsibility to let the school know that. If they don't know that the childs' mother has no rights to make decisions, they can't stop her.
Whether or not the primary residence is with you is irrelevant. The only relevant fact is who has custody. If you have sole custody, the school MUST take him back, as she had not authority to remove him. If you have joint custody, both parents must be in agreement. If they can't agree, they go to court.
Refusing court ordered visitation will land you in hot water. Don't do it. If you want to get back at her, take her to court for misrepresentation of guardianship.
I'm not an attorney by any means, but have had my share of drama in the family court system. I would advise you not to withhold visitation. You can file a motion for order to show cause to find the mother in contempt (for exercising rights she doesn't have). You have to prove it's in the child's best interest to not have visitation with the mother and than can be very hard to do. Look around your area for attorney's who offer free consultations, as I'm just going off of experience. Also, if the school allowed the mother to do this without a copy of the court order (stating her rights) they can be in big trouble. I'd suggest looking into an attorney for that as well. Schools have to be very very careful these days and it doesn't sound as though they're taking the appropriate steps.
Your husbands divorce papers should show he has custody, so the school should be aware that the kids mom has NO rights to make any decisions!
Even if the lady isn't pay child support, you shouldn't take it upon yourselves to STOP child/mother contact because of YOUR OWN ANGER!! That falls into the catogory as ';game playing'; and useing the kids as Pawns in the match!
It also sounds to me that you and your hubby's parenting skills suck if this kid has played hooky 24 days!! WHERE are you 2 in his LIFE? Why haven't you been paying attention to his actions?
Time to stand up and be parents all the way around!!
I raised 4 kids alone!! They didn't play hooky! I kept in contact with the school!! So should you!! or maybe NOT YOU, but your HUSBAND should.
Take it back to court! Show them that she doesn't have his best interest in mind. That should be enough to grant FULL custody. Keep at it and make sure you're on top of things in his life. Call that school or have them call you when something like this comes along again. Take a copy of the divorce decree if needed.
Thank you so much for any help and advice!!!Any family court lawyers out there? Need advice DESPERATELY!!!?
everything gets better with time.Any family court lawyers out there? Need advice DESPERATELY!!!?
I am a father who had gone through the same type of situation. First I will tell you that unless the child in in harms way you should not keep him from the visits. If seeing her is detrimental, you need to file a motion in family court and plead your case otherwise depending on the court ordered visitation you may be in contempt. The school issue goes like this, If she has joint custody she can do what she did and for the most part get away with it. If you and your husband have sole physical and legal the school had no right to let him out. The thing is you need to make clear with the school that she has no legal rights and should not have been able to do that.
No one can advise your husband without a copy of the divorce and custody declaration. Also, IF the mother's visitation (as spelled out in the visitation order) is wednesday's and he fails to provide the child, he can be held in contempt of a court order. If it happens enough times, he could be held in criminal contempt, jailed, fined and lose custody.
So, what does the custody order state?
I am no attorney but I think the school was also to blame for allowing this. If she is not his legal guardian, the school should've denied her access.
Obtain all of the documents that SHE signed from the school - present them to whoever is looking in to this matter.
i doubt any real lawyers would give you any advice for free. my last lawyer once charged me half hour fee for leaving a voice mail on his machine.
your hubby's gotta get a lawyer and maybe file a restraint order or something.
File for an emergency hearing to have her rights suspended temporarily. If she had no right to do this, why did it happen? You’ll also need to get to the bottom of all of this. And how did your stepson miss 24 days? Are you and your husband not noticing this? Not trying to point fingers, but I just am trying to figure this out because a judge will ask the same thing.
Does this mother have any legal rights? Has she ever? If not, then none of this matters. And your husband needs to do more to protect his son regarding his mother’s actions.
Do you have a lawyer? If not, seek one out or find legal aide.
** ADD **
Also, you shouldn’t refuse visitation at all. I know his best interest is kept in mind here, but I think if anything, you should just ask to reschedule or ask that they be supervised. That way your court date will hopefully come first.
Do you have sole custody of said child? If so, it is your husband's responsibility to let the school know that. If they don't know that the childs' mother has no rights to make decisions, they can't stop her.
Whether or not the primary residence is with you is irrelevant. The only relevant fact is who has custody. If you have sole custody, the school MUST take him back, as she had not authority to remove him. If you have joint custody, both parents must be in agreement. If they can't agree, they go to court.
Refusing court ordered visitation will land you in hot water. Don't do it. If you want to get back at her, take her to court for misrepresentation of guardianship.
I'm not an attorney by any means, but have had my share of drama in the family court system. I would advise you not to withhold visitation. You can file a motion for order to show cause to find the mother in contempt (for exercising rights she doesn't have). You have to prove it's in the child's best interest to not have visitation with the mother and than can be very hard to do. Look around your area for attorney's who offer free consultations, as I'm just going off of experience. Also, if the school allowed the mother to do this without a copy of the court order (stating her rights) they can be in big trouble. I'd suggest looking into an attorney for that as well. Schools have to be very very careful these days and it doesn't sound as though they're taking the appropriate steps.
Your husbands divorce papers should show he has custody, so the school should be aware that the kids mom has NO rights to make any decisions!
Even if the lady isn't pay child support, you shouldn't take it upon yourselves to STOP child/mother contact because of YOUR OWN ANGER!! That falls into the catogory as ';game playing'; and useing the kids as Pawns in the match!
It also sounds to me that you and your hubby's parenting skills suck if this kid has played hooky 24 days!! WHERE are you 2 in his LIFE? Why haven't you been paying attention to his actions?
Time to stand up and be parents all the way around!!
I raised 4 kids alone!! They didn't play hooky! I kept in contact with the school!! So should you!! or maybe NOT YOU, but your HUSBAND should.
Take it back to court! Show them that she doesn't have his best interest in mind. That should be enough to grant FULL custody. Keep at it and make sure you're on top of things in his life. Call that school or have them call you when something like this comes along again. Take a copy of the divorce decree if needed.
Complicated family situation - desperately in need of advice!?
Okay....this is a little complicated, so please bear with me...
I've grown up with my biological grandmother and her second husband. I sustained injuries when I was an infant, and Children's Aid became involved and said they were wary of me going back with my real parents because of this. There was a court case, and eventually my grandmother and grandfather - Rosalind and John - basically took custody of me. They did not do so out of compassion, however - Rosalind had three children with her first husband, but she could not have any more, and she wanted one with John. So when that happened to me, they took advantage of this to take me from my real parents. Please understand that I am not ungrateful - these two individuals have emotionally abused me for my entire fifteen years of living with them, as they did to my mother, aunt and uncle. They are the type of abusive people who outsiders think and funny and easygoing, but who are really nasty and sadistic. A few years ago, I developed a very good relationship with my aunt, Lisa, who understands completely what they are and what it was like to live with them. I tried to go live with her, but Rosalind found out and immediately put a stop to this. I wasn't allowed to talk to her for a year and a half after this, but when I did, we began scheming for my escape again. She wanted me to meet my father, who Rosalind and John had never let me meet (although they let me meet my mother when I was thirteen, only because she is Rosalind's daughter). So I have met him behind their back, twice to date, and I am planning to leave shortly after my birthday in December, when I turn sixteen. This is because, after I turn sixteen, they cannot call the cops and force me to come back. I am free to leave and never come back. But I feel nervous as well - having lived with them so long, they have a powerful influence over me. I care far too much about what they think about me, and everything else. Even though they constantly criticize me, and I am afraid of them, I am also afraid to go. And I am planning to go live with my real father, but I hardly know him. My aunt, who I trust very much, tells me he is a good person, and so far that is what I see. But having lived with manipulative people who are good at acting nice (when it benefits them), I'm not sure what to do. Although I'm trulypositive he can't be worse than THEM. What do you think I should do? ....if you have taken the time to read this....?
....and what do you think I could do to make time between now (August) and my birthday (in December) pass faster?Complicated family situation - desperately in need of advice!?
Wow, that is really a tough one. I'm not entirely sure how to answer this but I'll go ahead and put in my 2 cents worth. I suppose it can be daunting to leave a place you've called home for years. Crossing the comfort zone is scary and hard. But at the same time, I suppose you ultimately need to sit down and think hard about what will truly make you a happier and free-er person. Life is too short to be in a situation where you're unhappy and hurt all the time. Maybe between your time from now and December, you should try establishing more regular contact with your father. Just so you truly feel more trusting and sure about your move to go stay with him. You can only judge for yourself and having doubts at the back of your head won't do you good. Try speaking to your aunt more and just ask her say if things between you and your father don't go well, whether you could go live with her. That can be your Plan B. Those are always good to have around for the ';what ifs';. Especially if you don't wanna have to move back into your grandmother's place. Well, I hope that helps and good luck!!!
Like Alanis Morisette sang in Crazy - ';We're never gonna survive, unless we get a little crazy!';Complicated family situation - desperately in need of advice!?
Holly, Holly, Holly. Unless your grandparents are abusing you in some horrible fashion, which I doubt, you'd be better off with them. I was 16 once upon a time and I was convinced that my parents and anyone over 30 was completely insane, ignorant, you-name-it. It was amazing how much they had improved by the time I was 21. Your grandmother is being over-protective precisely because you are 16. Be kind and patient and bring these people up right, you only have 2 more years to accomplish this. Everyone else will notice it, too. Make good grades, do your chores without asking, practice good manners at all times and be pleasant. There's no way in the world they wouldn't trust a girl like this. And be trustworthy. If you leave, you may not even get a high school diploma, let alone a college degree. Your future is at stake and it really is a cold, cruel world out there. One of these days, you'll wish you were back at your grandparents' home without a REAL care in the world. Yes, it's a hassle now but the pay-ff is priceless.
you poor thing
i can't say i have ever been in your situation as i have a loving mum and dad %26amp; 3 sisters... but i can tell you that there is people out there who will love you and won't be so horrible to you.
Its very responsible for you to go live with your dad, instead of a boyfriend, but make sure because you don't know the real him that you have all your friends and aunt know where you are, and make sure you keep people in the loop.
also see child protection services if you want to leave early ... you shouldn't have to live your life in fear it's your life and you should be happy!
Wow, that's a whopper. I'm not sure where to begin. Well, I think the fact that you're making plans to go live with your dad shows a lot of initiative, and it's a very good thing. Keep up a good relationship with your aunt, as it is obvious that she understands and cares about you. And anyone who tells you emotional abuse is normal for parents are a bunch of f*cking morons (pardon my French) It's not acceptable. However, there really isn't anything you can do till you turn 16. Just go to school, work hard, get a job if you can...anything to get out of the house. And trust me, it won't end there. You'll still have problems over what's happened to you, but just talk it over with people you trust and you'll get through it alright, I'm sure. Just be grateful you actually have people there you feel comfortable talking to and that you're not totally alone. Also, try doing things with yourself more, and try dealing with things on your own. Try not to go to your grandparents(?) for any advice, because it shows you're dependant on them.
Hang in there.
This is very difficult, unless you are being physically abused, try to wait 2 more years till you turn 18. After 18 years make arrangements to stay with your favorite aunt. As for your father, take it slow and feel out what type of relationship you can have.
I hope all works out for you.
I think it's really cool your taking action against this situation. I think if you leave though you should have a back up plan just in case your dad turns out to be not what he seems just have an extra place you know you can go if you ever need to leave his houseeye color
I've grown up with my biological grandmother and her second husband. I sustained injuries when I was an infant, and Children's Aid became involved and said they were wary of me going back with my real parents because of this. There was a court case, and eventually my grandmother and grandfather - Rosalind and John - basically took custody of me. They did not do so out of compassion, however - Rosalind had three children with her first husband, but she could not have any more, and she wanted one with John. So when that happened to me, they took advantage of this to take me from my real parents. Please understand that I am not ungrateful - these two individuals have emotionally abused me for my entire fifteen years of living with them, as they did to my mother, aunt and uncle. They are the type of abusive people who outsiders think and funny and easygoing, but who are really nasty and sadistic. A few years ago, I developed a very good relationship with my aunt, Lisa, who understands completely what they are and what it was like to live with them. I tried to go live with her, but Rosalind found out and immediately put a stop to this. I wasn't allowed to talk to her for a year and a half after this, but when I did, we began scheming for my escape again. She wanted me to meet my father, who Rosalind and John had never let me meet (although they let me meet my mother when I was thirteen, only because she is Rosalind's daughter). So I have met him behind their back, twice to date, and I am planning to leave shortly after my birthday in December, when I turn sixteen. This is because, after I turn sixteen, they cannot call the cops and force me to come back. I am free to leave and never come back. But I feel nervous as well - having lived with them so long, they have a powerful influence over me. I care far too much about what they think about me, and everything else. Even though they constantly criticize me, and I am afraid of them, I am also afraid to go. And I am planning to go live with my real father, but I hardly know him. My aunt, who I trust very much, tells me he is a good person, and so far that is what I see. But having lived with manipulative people who are good at acting nice (when it benefits them), I'm not sure what to do. Although I'm trulypositive he can't be worse than THEM. What do you think I should do? ....if you have taken the time to read this....?
....and what do you think I could do to make time between now (August) and my birthday (in December) pass faster?Complicated family situation - desperately in need of advice!?
Wow, that is really a tough one. I'm not entirely sure how to answer this but I'll go ahead and put in my 2 cents worth. I suppose it can be daunting to leave a place you've called home for years. Crossing the comfort zone is scary and hard. But at the same time, I suppose you ultimately need to sit down and think hard about what will truly make you a happier and free-er person. Life is too short to be in a situation where you're unhappy and hurt all the time. Maybe between your time from now and December, you should try establishing more regular contact with your father. Just so you truly feel more trusting and sure about your move to go stay with him. You can only judge for yourself and having doubts at the back of your head won't do you good. Try speaking to your aunt more and just ask her say if things between you and your father don't go well, whether you could go live with her. That can be your Plan B. Those are always good to have around for the ';what ifs';. Especially if you don't wanna have to move back into your grandmother's place. Well, I hope that helps and good luck!!!
Like Alanis Morisette sang in Crazy - ';We're never gonna survive, unless we get a little crazy!';Complicated family situation - desperately in need of advice!?
Holly, Holly, Holly. Unless your grandparents are abusing you in some horrible fashion, which I doubt, you'd be better off with them. I was 16 once upon a time and I was convinced that my parents and anyone over 30 was completely insane, ignorant, you-name-it. It was amazing how much they had improved by the time I was 21. Your grandmother is being over-protective precisely because you are 16. Be kind and patient and bring these people up right, you only have 2 more years to accomplish this. Everyone else will notice it, too. Make good grades, do your chores without asking, practice good manners at all times and be pleasant. There's no way in the world they wouldn't trust a girl like this. And be trustworthy. If you leave, you may not even get a high school diploma, let alone a college degree. Your future is at stake and it really is a cold, cruel world out there. One of these days, you'll wish you were back at your grandparents' home without a REAL care in the world. Yes, it's a hassle now but the pay-ff is priceless.
you poor thing
i can't say i have ever been in your situation as i have a loving mum and dad %26amp; 3 sisters... but i can tell you that there is people out there who will love you and won't be so horrible to you.
Its very responsible for you to go live with your dad, instead of a boyfriend, but make sure because you don't know the real him that you have all your friends and aunt know where you are, and make sure you keep people in the loop.
also see child protection services if you want to leave early ... you shouldn't have to live your life in fear it's your life and you should be happy!
Wow, that's a whopper. I'm not sure where to begin. Well, I think the fact that you're making plans to go live with your dad shows a lot of initiative, and it's a very good thing. Keep up a good relationship with your aunt, as it is obvious that she understands and cares about you. And anyone who tells you emotional abuse is normal for parents are a bunch of f*cking morons (pardon my French) It's not acceptable. However, there really isn't anything you can do till you turn 16. Just go to school, work hard, get a job if you can...anything to get out of the house. And trust me, it won't end there. You'll still have problems over what's happened to you, but just talk it over with people you trust and you'll get through it alright, I'm sure. Just be grateful you actually have people there you feel comfortable talking to and that you're not totally alone. Also, try doing things with yourself more, and try dealing with things on your own. Try not to go to your grandparents(?) for any advice, because it shows you're dependant on them.
Hang in there.
This is very difficult, unless you are being physically abused, try to wait 2 more years till you turn 18. After 18 years make arrangements to stay with your favorite aunt. As for your father, take it slow and feel out what type of relationship you can have.
I hope all works out for you.
I think it's really cool your taking action against this situation. I think if you leave though you should have a back up plan just in case your dad turns out to be not what he seems just have an extra place you know you can go if you ever need to leave his house
Complicated family problems? i need someone's advice :'(?
this is going to be a bit long but someone please listen :'(
ok, i'm an only child and am chinese (yes this means strict family education...) there's alot of 'invisible' problems going between my mum and dad. well recently my mum kept blabbering about my dad and his doings. my dad's personality is quite 'manly' and he thinks he kinda rules the house and everything he says is right, and nobody is allowed to say he's wrong. he's like a person you can't really like but on the other hand can't really hate either, but only when he's in a good mood and gives out money and jokes around...lol.
on the other hand my mum is kinda strict (she locked me in my room without computer for a few months before my finals.) but she's nice most of the time and buys clothes and everything. but recently she's gotten pretty annoying badmouthing about my dad (altho most of the things she says is actually true...). these days when she's a bit angry (i think its PMS...!) she goes on complaining about almost everything with a smile on her face, which makes me go WTF and rebut her arguments. for example, today she was saying how you can't hear any words at all in rock songs (which happen to be my favourite genre of music) and i got pissed and everything and then she got pissed and started to ignore me with no end. altho, i actually kinda like this because she won't annoy me for a while.
then back to the real problem, my mum is saying bad things about my dad and saying how i shouldn鈥檛 care because i'm in my most important education right now (going university in a 2 years), its like as if she's saying she wants to divorce my dad. i can't blame her, once i mistakenly taken a new durex box (i suppose everyone knows what this means.) out of my dad's pocket thinking it was candy. (i dont think my mum and dad have been interacting on the bed much btw. they're always arguing...) so the problem is, i dont think our family is much of a family anymore. and i can't really side with my mum all the time because she's not always right, and she expects me to always side with her. but i love my dad too, i don鈥檛 want a messed up family. i know my mum doesn't really want to divorce because its a kind of embarrassment in the chinese community.....
someone tell me some kind of advice? altho i dont think i can do anything in this situation since both my mum and dad have these 'keep your nose out of our business' personalities...
best answer for 10 points anyone? i just want someone to listen and give advice.Complicated family problems? i need someone's advice :'(?
My family is a lot like yours. My mom is so strict she bad mouths my dad all the time with his drinking and smoking and it was so annoying. I couldn't wait to move out because I got so sick and tired over her complaining each and every day. Even if the house wasn't even that messy she would b*tch at all of us for being slobs, and even if did have it clean when she came home she would complain of how it wasn't perfect.. I even hate going over there just to visit because its the same thing over and over again. I really don't think what my dad does is so bad, but she makes it seem like his habits are the WORST on the planet! even though it could be SOOO much worse.
The only thing I can say is just to back off from the situation, I always went to my room all the time, or tried going to the park, or even hanging out with friends. Just so I can get away from it all. I would definitally be psyched about going to a college farther away and even getting a dorm just so you don't have to be there all the time having it to take a toll on you.
It would be pretty nice if you could answer my question as well :)Complicated family problems? i need someone's advice :'(?
Well my parents are just like yours and I'm chinese too! Well I had this problem, and my parents turned out fine. I thought they were having a divorce too, so my advice to you is to talk to your dad and since you are an only child, you can just convince what your dad does that isn't right. When he stops, your mother would notice and stop arguing. Maybe have a talk with your mom too and convince her to change the attitude! :) Good luck, I hope this helped.
It's a tough situation. I'm sorry you're going through it. You didn't say how old you were throughout though, which I would like knowing.
However, I lived in a similar situation.. right before my mom and step-dad split up. It sucks. I found what worked the best, is just to nod your head in agreement to both people. They are venting their frustrations, at the wrong person no less, but what they are saying can normally be taken with a grain of salt. They just need to rant and release. Maybe you should ask your mom and dad seperately if they still love each. If they both say yes, asked them what made them love each other in the first place. (do this separately of course) Just act curious. Innocent. If they respond well, keep it rolling. Ok well, what do you love about them now? Is this something that can be fixed? Would you be willing to try and work on it with him/her. Then you should tell them a lot of friends parents are going through divorce, but 2 parents decided to go to counseling together, and they have stayed together 12 more years and the kids say it's 100% better. Yeah, I'm suggesting you lie so she can hear you no someone FIRST HAND that marriage counseling can help. Wow, I've gone on and one too. So yeah, either just nod and let it go in one ear or out the other. Try and draw them out into speaking of what they like of each other, or try the old ';my friends this and that...'; whatcha think? Helpful at all? I tried. :) Good luck!
it's sad to hear about so many people going through this right now... I'm so sorry you have to deal with all this ****.
honestly, I think you should try to stay out of their arguments as much as you can. they have no right to burden you with every little detail of their marriage troubles - you're their daughter, not their counselor. really.
that said, I know that that can be next to impossible... try to talk to someone about this, like a counselor at school or a therapist. you can also use one of these phone numbers for free counseling in the US:
714-894-4242
562-596-5548
ok, i'm an only child and am chinese (yes this means strict family education...) there's alot of 'invisible' problems going between my mum and dad. well recently my mum kept blabbering about my dad and his doings. my dad's personality is quite 'manly' and he thinks he kinda rules the house and everything he says is right, and nobody is allowed to say he's wrong. he's like a person you can't really like but on the other hand can't really hate either, but only when he's in a good mood and gives out money and jokes around...lol.
on the other hand my mum is kinda strict (she locked me in my room without computer for a few months before my finals.) but she's nice most of the time and buys clothes and everything. but recently she's gotten pretty annoying badmouthing about my dad (altho most of the things she says is actually true...). these days when she's a bit angry (i think its PMS...!) she goes on complaining about almost everything with a smile on her face, which makes me go WTF and rebut her arguments. for example, today she was saying how you can't hear any words at all in rock songs (which happen to be my favourite genre of music) and i got pissed and everything and then she got pissed and started to ignore me with no end. altho, i actually kinda like this because she won't annoy me for a while.
then back to the real problem, my mum is saying bad things about my dad and saying how i shouldn鈥檛 care because i'm in my most important education right now (going university in a 2 years), its like as if she's saying she wants to divorce my dad. i can't blame her, once i mistakenly taken a new durex box (i suppose everyone knows what this means.) out of my dad's pocket thinking it was candy. (i dont think my mum and dad have been interacting on the bed much btw. they're always arguing...) so the problem is, i dont think our family is much of a family anymore. and i can't really side with my mum all the time because she's not always right, and she expects me to always side with her. but i love my dad too, i don鈥檛 want a messed up family. i know my mum doesn't really want to divorce because its a kind of embarrassment in the chinese community.....
someone tell me some kind of advice? altho i dont think i can do anything in this situation since both my mum and dad have these 'keep your nose out of our business' personalities...
best answer for 10 points anyone? i just want someone to listen and give advice.Complicated family problems? i need someone's advice :'(?
My family is a lot like yours. My mom is so strict she bad mouths my dad all the time with his drinking and smoking and it was so annoying. I couldn't wait to move out because I got so sick and tired over her complaining each and every day. Even if the house wasn't even that messy she would b*tch at all of us for being slobs, and even if did have it clean when she came home she would complain of how it wasn't perfect.. I even hate going over there just to visit because its the same thing over and over again. I really don't think what my dad does is so bad, but she makes it seem like his habits are the WORST on the planet! even though it could be SOOO much worse.
The only thing I can say is just to back off from the situation, I always went to my room all the time, or tried going to the park, or even hanging out with friends. Just so I can get away from it all. I would definitally be psyched about going to a college farther away and even getting a dorm just so you don't have to be there all the time having it to take a toll on you.
It would be pretty nice if you could answer my question as well :)Complicated family problems? i need someone's advice :'(?
Well my parents are just like yours and I'm chinese too! Well I had this problem, and my parents turned out fine. I thought they were having a divorce too, so my advice to you is to talk to your dad and since you are an only child, you can just convince what your dad does that isn't right. When he stops, your mother would notice and stop arguing. Maybe have a talk with your mom too and convince her to change the attitude! :) Good luck, I hope this helped.
It's a tough situation. I'm sorry you're going through it. You didn't say how old you were throughout though, which I would like knowing.
However, I lived in a similar situation.. right before my mom and step-dad split up. It sucks. I found what worked the best, is just to nod your head in agreement to both people. They are venting their frustrations, at the wrong person no less, but what they are saying can normally be taken with a grain of salt. They just need to rant and release. Maybe you should ask your mom and dad seperately if they still love each. If they both say yes, asked them what made them love each other in the first place. (do this separately of course) Just act curious. Innocent. If they respond well, keep it rolling. Ok well, what do you love about them now? Is this something that can be fixed? Would you be willing to try and work on it with him/her. Then you should tell them a lot of friends parents are going through divorce, but 2 parents decided to go to counseling together, and they have stayed together 12 more years and the kids say it's 100% better. Yeah, I'm suggesting you lie so she can hear you no someone FIRST HAND that marriage counseling can help. Wow, I've gone on and one too. So yeah, either just nod and let it go in one ear or out the other. Try and draw them out into speaking of what they like of each other, or try the old ';my friends this and that...'; whatcha think? Helpful at all? I tried. :) Good luck!
it's sad to hear about so many people going through this right now... I'm so sorry you have to deal with all this ****.
honestly, I think you should try to stay out of their arguments as much as you can. they have no right to burden you with every little detail of their marriage troubles - you're their daughter, not their counselor. really.
that said, I know that that can be next to impossible... try to talk to someone about this, like a counselor at school or a therapist. you can also use one of these phone numbers for free counseling in the US:
714-894-4242
562-596-5548
Private family matter not so private. Need advice!!!?
ok, my brother is getting divorced after a year of marriage, his wife is my hubby's 3rd cousin, and she is close to my sister-in-laws.
Its hard cuz i support him but his wife is trash talking him to my SILs. They are nosey as it is, but they say the dont wanna get involved cuz they understand its hard for me but they are!
for example, my ex-sil told my bro he could have their van, he didnt want it but was gonna sell it to buy another car. well, she ended up filing for the divorce and called him and said ';ill give you the title of the van only if you agree to my terms on the divorce'; well, he doesnt want to, so she had my SILs go the my moms to pick the van up! i understand they are her family and in a tough situation too, but it was wrong of them to get involved!!! i wish this matter could be private with in my own family, but my inlaws are involved (my MIL is nosey and not staying out of it either)
what is the best way for me to handle this?Private family matter not so private. Need advice!!!?
Ignore ignore and stay out of this messPrivate family matter not so private. Need advice!!!?
YOU DON'T HANDLE IT! THAT'S THE BEST WAY TO 'HANDLE' THIS!
I think you could use some help with personal boundaries. I do not say this being mean. I say this because I've been there! Here are a few RULES that may help you to know whether to get involved; whether to say anything; or whether to take responsibility:
1) You cannot control anyone else's behaviors, except for your own.
2) You are not responsible for anyone else's actions.
3) If the person (or persons) involved is not your child, it is not your business, and you are not responsible.
4) If the person (or persons) involved is over 18, it is not your business, and you are not responsible.
5) If you were not asked to become involved, don't.
6) Support others in doing what is right - but you cannot make them do (or not do) anything.
7) All the things you learned in Kindergarten, apply here. Be nice, share your toys, treat others as you would like to be treated, don't call people names, etc.
One thing I noticed is that everyone is talking about things way too much. Be an example to the others, including the nosey MIL, and BE QUIET! When someone says anything about the situation, you can, very nicely, change the subject. Do it enough times, and they will get your point. This situation is your brother's business. If he asks your opinion, I think it would be fine to give it. But don't give this too much of your own energy or emotion, because it won't do any good. You cannot control what anyone in this situation does, or does not do. That is NEVER going to change. However, by effecting changes in yourself (such as not getting drawn into the conversation) you can certainly have an effect on others. Hopefully, it will be a good effect.
When one person (such as yourself) rises above the level of behavior that others are exhibiting, it helps others to see their own behavior in a better light. Sometimes, they will change without you saying a word.
Speak to them by example. Actions truly do speak louder than words.
Its hard cuz i support him but his wife is trash talking him to my SILs. They are nosey as it is, but they say the dont wanna get involved cuz they understand its hard for me but they are!
for example, my ex-sil told my bro he could have their van, he didnt want it but was gonna sell it to buy another car. well, she ended up filing for the divorce and called him and said ';ill give you the title of the van only if you agree to my terms on the divorce'; well, he doesnt want to, so she had my SILs go the my moms to pick the van up! i understand they are her family and in a tough situation too, but it was wrong of them to get involved!!! i wish this matter could be private with in my own family, but my inlaws are involved (my MIL is nosey and not staying out of it either)
what is the best way for me to handle this?Private family matter not so private. Need advice!!!?
Ignore ignore and stay out of this messPrivate family matter not so private. Need advice!!!?
YOU DON'T HANDLE IT! THAT'S THE BEST WAY TO 'HANDLE' THIS!
I think you could use some help with personal boundaries. I do not say this being mean. I say this because I've been there! Here are a few RULES that may help you to know whether to get involved; whether to say anything; or whether to take responsibility:
1) You cannot control anyone else's behaviors, except for your own.
2) You are not responsible for anyone else's actions.
3) If the person (or persons) involved is not your child, it is not your business, and you are not responsible.
4) If the person (or persons) involved is over 18, it is not your business, and you are not responsible.
5) If you were not asked to become involved, don't.
6) Support others in doing what is right - but you cannot make them do (or not do) anything.
7) All the things you learned in Kindergarten, apply here. Be nice, share your toys, treat others as you would like to be treated, don't call people names, etc.
One thing I noticed is that everyone is talking about things way too much. Be an example to the others, including the nosey MIL, and BE QUIET! When someone says anything about the situation, you can, very nicely, change the subject. Do it enough times, and they will get your point. This situation is your brother's business. If he asks your opinion, I think it would be fine to give it. But don't give this too much of your own energy or emotion, because it won't do any good. You cannot control what anyone in this situation does, or does not do. That is NEVER going to change. However, by effecting changes in yourself (such as not getting drawn into the conversation) you can certainly have an effect on others. Hopefully, it will be a good effect.
When one person (such as yourself) rises above the level of behavior that others are exhibiting, it helps others to see their own behavior in a better light. Sometimes, they will change without you saying a word.
Speak to them by example. Actions truly do speak louder than words.
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