My little family of three have fallen on some hard times and we are going to be moving in with my aunt, uncle and cousins for 3 months. After we move in there will be nine people in all living in their 5 bedroom house. I am greatful and blessed that my family offered to help us out like this, can anyone give me any advice on how to make the living situation as seamless as possible to everyone involved?We are about to move in with family for a few months, can anyone give me any advice?
sorry about your difficult times=you are not alone. You are lucky to have such good family.
Try to learn and follow their rules and ';ways'; even if they seem weird to you. Help around the house-run errands, etc. when possible, help with cooking, cleaning, laundry, childcare or whatever. Try to get away so they have private family time once in a while, and you guys have some time alone together too. Be gracious. Contribute financially if/when you can-even a little. Try not to overstay what was initially discussed if you can avoid it. Good luck.We are about to move in with family for a few months, can anyone give me any advice?
Omg. We have a family of 10, and have been living with my uncle, aunt, grandma and 5 cousins for a while. (long story)
It's pretty crazy with 18 people in the house...=/
But if you have to do it, you have to do it...
I'd suggest following all of their rules, helping around the house, and maybe giving your children chores to do. Limit play time with the other kids. Don't invade their privacy, give their family some time alone.
If an argument arises, do not immediately take a side. Listen to both sides of the story.
Ask before using their things, and respect one another.
Try to keep the noise level down best as you can.
Good luck, I hope it goes well!
Dont get too comfortable. Go the extra mile to parent the kids and keep them out of the way. it doesnt matter if other kids will be there, you want to leave them with a good experience and make them miss you!
Clean house, dont stay cooped up there all day everyday. Set goals and in a subtle way let them know each month what you are doing to work on getting out.
Follow all of your uncle and aunts rules. Make sure your kids do too. Be respectful to the family and their property and stay as far away from arguments and conflicts as you can. Good Luck with this situation and do not take advantage of your uncle and aunt.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
100% Italian Girl vs 100% Colombian guy...need advice on how to approach family...?
My girls family is an old fashion Italian family and believe that she should marry an Italian guy. But this is not the case. I'm colombain and we are happy with one another. She wants to tell her father but fears that he is going to put her on lock down. Her mother knows a little and doesnt have a problem but she told her that she rather not know because she doesnt want to hide it from her husband. Im truly lost on what to do. I met him once and that was because i was helping her out with her car and i was introduced as a friend and he liked me.... but I dont know how we can tell them whats going on.. and get the approval so we can be happy together and not hide our relationship.. HELP?100% Italian Girl vs 100% Colombian guy...need advice on how to approach family...?
carefully100% Italian Girl vs 100% Colombian guy...need advice on how to approach family...?
Coming from an italian family.......I can tell you we are a rare breed!! We are set in traditional values and don't like a lot of change. However, we are capable of changing our minds.
First, it depends how old you are. If you're under 18, I'd tell you to wait until you absolutely have to tell her father. Because he's not going to like it in the beginning. He's going to act irrational and cause problems between the two of you.
If you're over 18, she should tell him alone. Just the two of them. Maybe they go for a walk. Or sit and have dinner together. And she should explain to him that she didn't expect to fall for someone outside of her culture.....but she did. And that she found someone that treats her right and makes her very happy. And that it's better to hold on to that than the creeps in the past that were italian or any other nationality. Over time, as he's forced to witness his daughter's happiness.....he'll come around. In the end.....An italian man wants nothing more.....than to see his daughter completely happy.
Just be yourself and don't let an Italian bring you down.
Don't hide anything.
Be honest. If both of you are really in love, you will be together regardless. You MAY need to start a new family with no in-laws, but it is up to both of you to decide if you are going to be together for the rest of your life.
I am Italian; my wife is Brazilian. If my father was alive, he would've cut me off. However, I was intent on having my own family, even if NO ONE stood with me.
With my father and his family, if a person wasn't Italian, they weren't 'human'. Think about the respect your families have for you: Are they more interested in you loving each other or in being the same ethnic group? (Marriages last because of Love, not by being the same nationality).
My mom is Cuban and Catholic while my dad is Jewish and caucasian. There are some issues and miscommunicatons but we get along fine. I think you should just be yourself and show them that you want the best for their daughter and can give it to her. Remind them that it is her choice and that you love eachother.
P.S. If that doesn't work, try to get an Italian accent.
carefully100% Italian Girl vs 100% Colombian guy...need advice on how to approach family...?
Coming from an italian family.......I can tell you we are a rare breed!! We are set in traditional values and don't like a lot of change. However, we are capable of changing our minds.
First, it depends how old you are. If you're under 18, I'd tell you to wait until you absolutely have to tell her father. Because he's not going to like it in the beginning. He's going to act irrational and cause problems between the two of you.
If you're over 18, she should tell him alone. Just the two of them. Maybe they go for a walk. Or sit and have dinner together. And she should explain to him that she didn't expect to fall for someone outside of her culture.....but she did. And that she found someone that treats her right and makes her very happy. And that it's better to hold on to that than the creeps in the past that were italian or any other nationality. Over time, as he's forced to witness his daughter's happiness.....he'll come around. In the end.....An italian man wants nothing more.....than to see his daughter completely happy.
Just be yourself and don't let an Italian bring you down.
Don't hide anything.
Be honest. If both of you are really in love, you will be together regardless. You MAY need to start a new family with no in-laws, but it is up to both of you to decide if you are going to be together for the rest of your life.
I am Italian; my wife is Brazilian. If my father was alive, he would've cut me off. However, I was intent on having my own family, even if NO ONE stood with me.
With my father and his family, if a person wasn't Italian, they weren't 'human'. Think about the respect your families have for you: Are they more interested in you loving each other or in being the same ethnic group? (Marriages last because of Love, not by being the same nationality).
My mom is Cuban and Catholic while my dad is Jewish and caucasian. There are some issues and miscommunicatons but we get along fine. I think you should just be yourself and show them that you want the best for their daughter and can give it to her. Remind them that it is her choice and that you love eachother.
P.S. If that doesn't work, try to get an Italian accent.
Extended Family Vacation to DISNEY WORLD! :) Tips? Advice? Must See's?
My family is planning a Walt Disney World Vacation for September of 2008. (YAY!)
It will be:
Myself %26amp; My Husband (We have no children at this time)
My Sister %26amp; Brother In Law and their 6 year old daughter.
My Mom %26amp; Dad and little sisters, ages 13 %26amp; 14.
Plans are still in the making, but we are planning on going to Magic Kingdom (an obvious must see for the kids),
Epcot ( My Sister %26amp; Dad's choice..not my fav haha!), and Animal Kingdom (i think the whole family will enjoy this one).
We are considering adding Seaworld to the list, and Me %26amp; My Husband would really like to see the Cirque Do Soleil.
Me %26amp; My Husband went to disney world on our honeymoon less than 2 years ago...So we want this trip to be focused on my niece and little sisters. It will be the first DW trip for all 3 of the children.
What should we DEFINATELY see?
What should we PASS ON seeing?
What TIPS or TRICKS do you have? ;)
Any other overall ADVICE?
THANKS SOOOO MUCH!!!Extended Family Vacation to DISNEY WORLD! :) Tips? Advice? Must See's?
First of all, have tons of fun, it sounds like it will be a blast. Now, it can be a very different (though just as magical) experience when you are going with kids, as aposed to with your new husband. September is actually the cheapest time of year, so you MUST stay on Disney property. You may even splurge and stay at one of the deluxe resorts, they are beautiful. Try to make a reservation at Chef Mickey's in the Contemporary resort. The food is good, and it's a character breakfast (so much fun!). If you want to have at least one fancy meal, make it The Flying Fish located on the boardwalk, and then you can rent a surry (4 or 6 person bike, hard work, but so much fun).
Epcot is a great park to go to at night, try the Moroccan restaurant, wonderful food, and fairly inexpensive (fairly). In Epcot, there is Test Track and Soarin' to go on, so it can actually be more than just walking around the World Showcase. Of course, you know you have to go to Magic Kingdom (if you stay on property, you can go to the Extra Magic Hours, so much fun!).
Animal Kingdom is not my personal favorite park, but kids do love it (espescially the 6 year old). When you go, try to see the Finding Nemo musical, it is very good.
If you are going to go to a water park, Blizzard Beach is the best one. Tons of things to do for all ages.
In my opinion, you can keep Seaworld off the list, Disney will fill up all the time you have just fine, and you will never get bored. Cirque Du Soliel is great, however. Amazing dancing and stunts.
Also, one last piece of advice that I give to everyone. Set aside enough time for rest. Many people believe that since they spent so much on tickets, they need to be in the parks 24/7. Don't make that mistake.
I am excited for you, have tons and tons of fun!!!Extended Family Vacation to DISNEY WORLD! :) Tips? Advice? Must See's?
As you stated, Magic Kingdom is a must. It is the anchor. We are going for our 6th visit this year, and it will absolutely be on our list of must dos. Naturally, while there, you should do Space Mountain, Carousel of Progress, Mickey's Philharmagic and of course, the Haunted MAnsion (recently refurbished). Don't forget the parades and Fireworks.
Best spot for the Parade at Magic Kingdom is just beside the Fire Department or across the street in front of the Barber Shop. Parades usually start or end there (they alternate). If they start there, the characters (while waiting to proceed) interact with the crowd more
At Animal Kingdom, Festival of the Lion King, It's Tough to be a Bug and the Safari are musts.
At Epcot, the World Showcase, Soarin' , Mission Space and Spaceship Earth. In my opinion, the best of the Fireworks Shows. Plus the Wine and Food Festival will be on and there are a bunch of great live acts that will be performing.
Germany's Biergarten is the least expensive buffet meal at Disney. Although the Dining Plan (if staying on site) can be worth it.
Avoid Stitch, Sounds Dangerous.
You did not include Hollywood Studios. If you will go, check the parade route and set yourself up at the start. This year, the Parade is strictly Pixar characters. Indiana Jones, The Stunt Show, Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast are great shows.
Take advantage Of Disney's Magical Express if you are staying on site. Which I sincerely think everyone should do. If you can, get to a store off property and stock up on bottled water, juice, snacks and fruit, which you can take into the parks with you.
At $10.00 a day, a small refrigerator in your room can come in handy for milk (to have with cereal in the room for breakfast) and other perishables.
The Water parks at WDW are great, although Seaworld just opened Aquatica.
Don't forget Pleasure Island. It's New years eve at 11:00 every night!!!
When traveling with kids a must of all must is character dinning. There are many to choose from and we have tried them all and adore them. Going to www.waltdisneyworld.com then going to dinning will allow you to read a little about each one, but I would call 1-407 WDWDine and see what is still available during you stay.
The ages between the kids is a hard one, the teens would love Disney Studios' rides, but the six year old may be intimidated by them, or even to small to ride.
Check into Disney's Magical Gatherings, a program they have for groups of 8 or more people. Special events for these groups include special character breakfasts, an end-of-day safari and dinner at Animal Kingdom, specialty fireworks cruises, and private viewing locations for Epcot's Illuminations. Go to http://www.disneyworld.com/magicalgather鈥?/a> or call 407-WDW-MAGIC.
Dinning with the characters, i think is a must. heheh..
There is a whole tips section at the link below.
Biggest tip I have? save some money and have bottled water shipped to your resort before your trip.
Have fun!
Your trip sounds like it is going to be so much fun!
We have also done trips with extended family, and they are great. The one thing I would recommend is using a planning service. We used Custom Mouse Plans and they were so great! They put together an itinerary and park touring plans that included so much for everyone. It is not easy to plan a trip for ages 11 months to 61, and I was so overwhelmed! We sent them our information and the plans they made had the whole group happy. Also, they helped with dining plans and gave us tons of advice at no charge. We didn't wait more than 10 minutes for any ride and we didn't have any arguments. It was the best money we spent on the trip!
Have a wonderful time!
Well you got the tourist traps under wraps... you should go off the beaten path to Parliament House and Millenia, go buy some sick designer goods... besides that... i prefer to feed alligators and get drunk... Disney is way over rated...
Just don't get drunk and go to Millenia.. you will wonder how you spent $8000 and then you will a trunk full of purses and shoes.... boo........
ok well my mom bought this book its called walt disney world with kids 2008 with universal orlando and sea world by kim wright wiley because we are going in april of '08!! and my moms friend said tht the Cirque Do Soleil was very very expensive and to skip it. ok this book has lots of time and money saving tips insiders secrets and scare factors for every ride and venue........clear easy to read maps...........full restaurant and hotel descriptions with star ratings..............quick guides dont miss lists and favorite attractions by age group.......................updates on disneys FASTPASS system and universals EXPRESS system.........and also stuff concerning the disney cruises(i took all tht info off the back of the book)............ok so im guessing you can get this book at any book store like borders or barnes and noble it is $17.95 but definately worth the money ............OH! it also has stuff about the waters parks. hope i could help! bye!
It will be:
Myself %26amp; My Husband (We have no children at this time)
My Sister %26amp; Brother In Law and their 6 year old daughter.
My Mom %26amp; Dad and little sisters, ages 13 %26amp; 14.
Plans are still in the making, but we are planning on going to Magic Kingdom (an obvious must see for the kids),
Epcot ( My Sister %26amp; Dad's choice..not my fav haha!), and Animal Kingdom (i think the whole family will enjoy this one).
We are considering adding Seaworld to the list, and Me %26amp; My Husband would really like to see the Cirque Do Soleil.
Me %26amp; My Husband went to disney world on our honeymoon less than 2 years ago...So we want this trip to be focused on my niece and little sisters. It will be the first DW trip for all 3 of the children.
What should we DEFINATELY see?
What should we PASS ON seeing?
What TIPS or TRICKS do you have? ;)
Any other overall ADVICE?
THANKS SOOOO MUCH!!!Extended Family Vacation to DISNEY WORLD! :) Tips? Advice? Must See's?
First of all, have tons of fun, it sounds like it will be a blast. Now, it can be a very different (though just as magical) experience when you are going with kids, as aposed to with your new husband. September is actually the cheapest time of year, so you MUST stay on Disney property. You may even splurge and stay at one of the deluxe resorts, they are beautiful. Try to make a reservation at Chef Mickey's in the Contemporary resort. The food is good, and it's a character breakfast (so much fun!). If you want to have at least one fancy meal, make it The Flying Fish located on the boardwalk, and then you can rent a surry (4 or 6 person bike, hard work, but so much fun).
Epcot is a great park to go to at night, try the Moroccan restaurant, wonderful food, and fairly inexpensive (fairly). In Epcot, there is Test Track and Soarin' to go on, so it can actually be more than just walking around the World Showcase. Of course, you know you have to go to Magic Kingdom (if you stay on property, you can go to the Extra Magic Hours, so much fun!).
Animal Kingdom is not my personal favorite park, but kids do love it (espescially the 6 year old). When you go, try to see the Finding Nemo musical, it is very good.
If you are going to go to a water park, Blizzard Beach is the best one. Tons of things to do for all ages.
In my opinion, you can keep Seaworld off the list, Disney will fill up all the time you have just fine, and you will never get bored. Cirque Du Soliel is great, however. Amazing dancing and stunts.
Also, one last piece of advice that I give to everyone. Set aside enough time for rest. Many people believe that since they spent so much on tickets, they need to be in the parks 24/7. Don't make that mistake.
I am excited for you, have tons and tons of fun!!!Extended Family Vacation to DISNEY WORLD! :) Tips? Advice? Must See's?
As you stated, Magic Kingdom is a must. It is the anchor. We are going for our 6th visit this year, and it will absolutely be on our list of must dos. Naturally, while there, you should do Space Mountain, Carousel of Progress, Mickey's Philharmagic and of course, the Haunted MAnsion (recently refurbished). Don't forget the parades and Fireworks.
Best spot for the Parade at Magic Kingdom is just beside the Fire Department or across the street in front of the Barber Shop. Parades usually start or end there (they alternate). If they start there, the characters (while waiting to proceed) interact with the crowd more
At Animal Kingdom, Festival of the Lion King, It's Tough to be a Bug and the Safari are musts.
At Epcot, the World Showcase, Soarin' , Mission Space and Spaceship Earth. In my opinion, the best of the Fireworks Shows. Plus the Wine and Food Festival will be on and there are a bunch of great live acts that will be performing.
Germany's Biergarten is the least expensive buffet meal at Disney. Although the Dining Plan (if staying on site) can be worth it.
Avoid Stitch, Sounds Dangerous.
You did not include Hollywood Studios. If you will go, check the parade route and set yourself up at the start. This year, the Parade is strictly Pixar characters. Indiana Jones, The Stunt Show, Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast are great shows.
Take advantage Of Disney's Magical Express if you are staying on site. Which I sincerely think everyone should do. If you can, get to a store off property and stock up on bottled water, juice, snacks and fruit, which you can take into the parks with you.
At $10.00 a day, a small refrigerator in your room can come in handy for milk (to have with cereal in the room for breakfast) and other perishables.
The Water parks at WDW are great, although Seaworld just opened Aquatica.
Don't forget Pleasure Island. It's New years eve at 11:00 every night!!!
When traveling with kids a must of all must is character dinning. There are many to choose from and we have tried them all and adore them. Going to www.waltdisneyworld.com then going to dinning will allow you to read a little about each one, but I would call 1-407 WDWDine and see what is still available during you stay.
The ages between the kids is a hard one, the teens would love Disney Studios' rides, but the six year old may be intimidated by them, or even to small to ride.
Check into Disney's Magical Gatherings, a program they have for groups of 8 or more people. Special events for these groups include special character breakfasts, an end-of-day safari and dinner at Animal Kingdom, specialty fireworks cruises, and private viewing locations for Epcot's Illuminations. Go to http://www.disneyworld.com/magicalgather鈥?/a> or call 407-WDW-MAGIC.
Dinning with the characters, i think is a must. heheh..
There is a whole tips section at the link below.
Biggest tip I have? save some money and have bottled water shipped to your resort before your trip.
Have fun!
Your trip sounds like it is going to be so much fun!
We have also done trips with extended family, and they are great. The one thing I would recommend is using a planning service. We used Custom Mouse Plans and they were so great! They put together an itinerary and park touring plans that included so much for everyone. It is not easy to plan a trip for ages 11 months to 61, and I was so overwhelmed! We sent them our information and the plans they made had the whole group happy. Also, they helped with dining plans and gave us tons of advice at no charge. We didn't wait more than 10 minutes for any ride and we didn't have any arguments. It was the best money we spent on the trip!
Have a wonderful time!
Well you got the tourist traps under wraps... you should go off the beaten path to Parliament House and Millenia, go buy some sick designer goods... besides that... i prefer to feed alligators and get drunk... Disney is way over rated...
Just don't get drunk and go to Millenia.. you will wonder how you spent $8000 and then you will a trunk full of purses and shoes.... boo........
ok well my mom bought this book its called walt disney world with kids 2008 with universal orlando and sea world by kim wright wiley because we are going in april of '08!! and my moms friend said tht the Cirque Do Soleil was very very expensive and to skip it. ok this book has lots of time and money saving tips insiders secrets and scare factors for every ride and venue........clear easy to read maps...........full restaurant and hotel descriptions with star ratings..............quick guides dont miss lists and favorite attractions by age group.......................updates on disneys FASTPASS system and universals EXPRESS system.........and also stuff concerning the disney cruises(i took all tht info off the back of the book)............ok so im guessing you can get this book at any book store like borders or barnes and noble it is $17.95 but definately worth the money ............OH! it also has stuff about the waters parks. hope i could help! bye!
Any family court lawyers out there? Need advice DESPERATELY!!!?
In desperate need of help!!! My husband and I just got a call from my stepson (my husbands son)’ s school. Apparently our son’s “birth” mother went to the school and allowed him to get signed out of high school so that he can go to night school. We went to see the principal this morning and he let him back into the school. He is failing and played hooky for 24 days. We now have to go to hearing through the board of Ed to find out if he will be left back. We will do what we have to do but long story short. Our child’s birth mother had no right to sign him out of school. Our son’s primary residence is with us not her!! Legally what can we do? My husband is so upset. We want to call her and tell her we will no longer be sending the kids to see her on Wednesdays any longer. If we do this, is that considered kidnapping? Legally we don’t want to get in any trouble but we have had enough! What would happen if we refuse her the visitations?
Thank you so much for any help and advice!!!Any family court lawyers out there? Need advice DESPERATELY!!!?
everything gets better with time.Any family court lawyers out there? Need advice DESPERATELY!!!?
I am a father who had gone through the same type of situation. First I will tell you that unless the child in in harms way you should not keep him from the visits. If seeing her is detrimental, you need to file a motion in family court and plead your case otherwise depending on the court ordered visitation you may be in contempt. The school issue goes like this, If she has joint custody she can do what she did and for the most part get away with it. If you and your husband have sole physical and legal the school had no right to let him out. The thing is you need to make clear with the school that she has no legal rights and should not have been able to do that.
No one can advise your husband without a copy of the divorce and custody declaration. Also, IF the mother's visitation (as spelled out in the visitation order) is wednesday's and he fails to provide the child, he can be held in contempt of a court order. If it happens enough times, he could be held in criminal contempt, jailed, fined and lose custody.
So, what does the custody order state?
I am no attorney but I think the school was also to blame for allowing this. If she is not his legal guardian, the school should've denied her access.
Obtain all of the documents that SHE signed from the school - present them to whoever is looking in to this matter.
i doubt any real lawyers would give you any advice for free. my last lawyer once charged me half hour fee for leaving a voice mail on his machine.
your hubby's gotta get a lawyer and maybe file a restraint order or something.
File for an emergency hearing to have her rights suspended temporarily. If she had no right to do this, why did it happen? You’ll also need to get to the bottom of all of this. And how did your stepson miss 24 days? Are you and your husband not noticing this? Not trying to point fingers, but I just am trying to figure this out because a judge will ask the same thing.
Does this mother have any legal rights? Has she ever? If not, then none of this matters. And your husband needs to do more to protect his son regarding his mother’s actions.
Do you have a lawyer? If not, seek one out or find legal aide.
** ADD **
Also, you shouldn’t refuse visitation at all. I know his best interest is kept in mind here, but I think if anything, you should just ask to reschedule or ask that they be supervised. That way your court date will hopefully come first.
Do you have sole custody of said child? If so, it is your husband's responsibility to let the school know that. If they don't know that the childs' mother has no rights to make decisions, they can't stop her.
Whether or not the primary residence is with you is irrelevant. The only relevant fact is who has custody. If you have sole custody, the school MUST take him back, as she had not authority to remove him. If you have joint custody, both parents must be in agreement. If they can't agree, they go to court.
Refusing court ordered visitation will land you in hot water. Don't do it. If you want to get back at her, take her to court for misrepresentation of guardianship.
I'm not an attorney by any means, but have had my share of drama in the family court system. I would advise you not to withhold visitation. You can file a motion for order to show cause to find the mother in contempt (for exercising rights she doesn't have). You have to prove it's in the child's best interest to not have visitation with the mother and than can be very hard to do. Look around your area for attorney's who offer free consultations, as I'm just going off of experience. Also, if the school allowed the mother to do this without a copy of the court order (stating her rights) they can be in big trouble. I'd suggest looking into an attorney for that as well. Schools have to be very very careful these days and it doesn't sound as though they're taking the appropriate steps.
Your husbands divorce papers should show he has custody, so the school should be aware that the kids mom has NO rights to make any decisions!
Even if the lady isn't pay child support, you shouldn't take it upon yourselves to STOP child/mother contact because of YOUR OWN ANGER!! That falls into the catogory as ';game playing'; and useing the kids as Pawns in the match!
It also sounds to me that you and your hubby's parenting skills suck if this kid has played hooky 24 days!! WHERE are you 2 in his LIFE? Why haven't you been paying attention to his actions?
Time to stand up and be parents all the way around!!
I raised 4 kids alone!! They didn't play hooky! I kept in contact with the school!! So should you!! or maybe NOT YOU, but your HUSBAND should.
Take it back to court! Show them that she doesn't have his best interest in mind. That should be enough to grant FULL custody. Keep at it and make sure you're on top of things in his life. Call that school or have them call you when something like this comes along again. Take a copy of the divorce decree if needed.
Thank you so much for any help and advice!!!Any family court lawyers out there? Need advice DESPERATELY!!!?
everything gets better with time.Any family court lawyers out there? Need advice DESPERATELY!!!?
I am a father who had gone through the same type of situation. First I will tell you that unless the child in in harms way you should not keep him from the visits. If seeing her is detrimental, you need to file a motion in family court and plead your case otherwise depending on the court ordered visitation you may be in contempt. The school issue goes like this, If she has joint custody she can do what she did and for the most part get away with it. If you and your husband have sole physical and legal the school had no right to let him out. The thing is you need to make clear with the school that she has no legal rights and should not have been able to do that.
No one can advise your husband without a copy of the divorce and custody declaration. Also, IF the mother's visitation (as spelled out in the visitation order) is wednesday's and he fails to provide the child, he can be held in contempt of a court order. If it happens enough times, he could be held in criminal contempt, jailed, fined and lose custody.
So, what does the custody order state?
I am no attorney but I think the school was also to blame for allowing this. If she is not his legal guardian, the school should've denied her access.
Obtain all of the documents that SHE signed from the school - present them to whoever is looking in to this matter.
i doubt any real lawyers would give you any advice for free. my last lawyer once charged me half hour fee for leaving a voice mail on his machine.
your hubby's gotta get a lawyer and maybe file a restraint order or something.
File for an emergency hearing to have her rights suspended temporarily. If she had no right to do this, why did it happen? You’ll also need to get to the bottom of all of this. And how did your stepson miss 24 days? Are you and your husband not noticing this? Not trying to point fingers, but I just am trying to figure this out because a judge will ask the same thing.
Does this mother have any legal rights? Has she ever? If not, then none of this matters. And your husband needs to do more to protect his son regarding his mother’s actions.
Do you have a lawyer? If not, seek one out or find legal aide.
** ADD **
Also, you shouldn’t refuse visitation at all. I know his best interest is kept in mind here, but I think if anything, you should just ask to reschedule or ask that they be supervised. That way your court date will hopefully come first.
Do you have sole custody of said child? If so, it is your husband's responsibility to let the school know that. If they don't know that the childs' mother has no rights to make decisions, they can't stop her.
Whether or not the primary residence is with you is irrelevant. The only relevant fact is who has custody. If you have sole custody, the school MUST take him back, as she had not authority to remove him. If you have joint custody, both parents must be in agreement. If they can't agree, they go to court.
Refusing court ordered visitation will land you in hot water. Don't do it. If you want to get back at her, take her to court for misrepresentation of guardianship.
I'm not an attorney by any means, but have had my share of drama in the family court system. I would advise you not to withhold visitation. You can file a motion for order to show cause to find the mother in contempt (for exercising rights she doesn't have). You have to prove it's in the child's best interest to not have visitation with the mother and than can be very hard to do. Look around your area for attorney's who offer free consultations, as I'm just going off of experience. Also, if the school allowed the mother to do this without a copy of the court order (stating her rights) they can be in big trouble. I'd suggest looking into an attorney for that as well. Schools have to be very very careful these days and it doesn't sound as though they're taking the appropriate steps.
Your husbands divorce papers should show he has custody, so the school should be aware that the kids mom has NO rights to make any decisions!
Even if the lady isn't pay child support, you shouldn't take it upon yourselves to STOP child/mother contact because of YOUR OWN ANGER!! That falls into the catogory as ';game playing'; and useing the kids as Pawns in the match!
It also sounds to me that you and your hubby's parenting skills suck if this kid has played hooky 24 days!! WHERE are you 2 in his LIFE? Why haven't you been paying attention to his actions?
Time to stand up and be parents all the way around!!
I raised 4 kids alone!! They didn't play hooky! I kept in contact with the school!! So should you!! or maybe NOT YOU, but your HUSBAND should.
Take it back to court! Show them that she doesn't have his best interest in mind. That should be enough to grant FULL custody. Keep at it and make sure you're on top of things in his life. Call that school or have them call you when something like this comes along again. Take a copy of the divorce decree if needed.
Complicated family situation - desperately in need of advice!?
Okay....this is a little complicated, so please bear with me...
I've grown up with my biological grandmother and her second husband. I sustained injuries when I was an infant, and Children's Aid became involved and said they were wary of me going back with my real parents because of this. There was a court case, and eventually my grandmother and grandfather - Rosalind and John - basically took custody of me. They did not do so out of compassion, however - Rosalind had three children with her first husband, but she could not have any more, and she wanted one with John. So when that happened to me, they took advantage of this to take me from my real parents. Please understand that I am not ungrateful - these two individuals have emotionally abused me for my entire fifteen years of living with them, as they did to my mother, aunt and uncle. They are the type of abusive people who outsiders think and funny and easygoing, but who are really nasty and sadistic. A few years ago, I developed a very good relationship with my aunt, Lisa, who understands completely what they are and what it was like to live with them. I tried to go live with her, but Rosalind found out and immediately put a stop to this. I wasn't allowed to talk to her for a year and a half after this, but when I did, we began scheming for my escape again. She wanted me to meet my father, who Rosalind and John had never let me meet (although they let me meet my mother when I was thirteen, only because she is Rosalind's daughter). So I have met him behind their back, twice to date, and I am planning to leave shortly after my birthday in December, when I turn sixteen. This is because, after I turn sixteen, they cannot call the cops and force me to come back. I am free to leave and never come back. But I feel nervous as well - having lived with them so long, they have a powerful influence over me. I care far too much about what they think about me, and everything else. Even though they constantly criticize me, and I am afraid of them, I am also afraid to go. And I am planning to go live with my real father, but I hardly know him. My aunt, who I trust very much, tells me he is a good person, and so far that is what I see. But having lived with manipulative people who are good at acting nice (when it benefits them), I'm not sure what to do. Although I'm trulypositive he can't be worse than THEM. What do you think I should do? ....if you have taken the time to read this....?
....and what do you think I could do to make time between now (August) and my birthday (in December) pass faster?Complicated family situation - desperately in need of advice!?
Wow, that is really a tough one. I'm not entirely sure how to answer this but I'll go ahead and put in my 2 cents worth. I suppose it can be daunting to leave a place you've called home for years. Crossing the comfort zone is scary and hard. But at the same time, I suppose you ultimately need to sit down and think hard about what will truly make you a happier and free-er person. Life is too short to be in a situation where you're unhappy and hurt all the time. Maybe between your time from now and December, you should try establishing more regular contact with your father. Just so you truly feel more trusting and sure about your move to go stay with him. You can only judge for yourself and having doubts at the back of your head won't do you good. Try speaking to your aunt more and just ask her say if things between you and your father don't go well, whether you could go live with her. That can be your Plan B. Those are always good to have around for the ';what ifs';. Especially if you don't wanna have to move back into your grandmother's place. Well, I hope that helps and good luck!!!
Like Alanis Morisette sang in Crazy - ';We're never gonna survive, unless we get a little crazy!';Complicated family situation - desperately in need of advice!?
Holly, Holly, Holly. Unless your grandparents are abusing you in some horrible fashion, which I doubt, you'd be better off with them. I was 16 once upon a time and I was convinced that my parents and anyone over 30 was completely insane, ignorant, you-name-it. It was amazing how much they had improved by the time I was 21. Your grandmother is being over-protective precisely because you are 16. Be kind and patient and bring these people up right, you only have 2 more years to accomplish this. Everyone else will notice it, too. Make good grades, do your chores without asking, practice good manners at all times and be pleasant. There's no way in the world they wouldn't trust a girl like this. And be trustworthy. If you leave, you may not even get a high school diploma, let alone a college degree. Your future is at stake and it really is a cold, cruel world out there. One of these days, you'll wish you were back at your grandparents' home without a REAL care in the world. Yes, it's a hassle now but the pay-ff is priceless.
you poor thing
i can't say i have ever been in your situation as i have a loving mum and dad %26amp; 3 sisters... but i can tell you that there is people out there who will love you and won't be so horrible to you.
Its very responsible for you to go live with your dad, instead of a boyfriend, but make sure because you don't know the real him that you have all your friends and aunt know where you are, and make sure you keep people in the loop.
also see child protection services if you want to leave early ... you shouldn't have to live your life in fear it's your life and you should be happy!
Wow, that's a whopper. I'm not sure where to begin. Well, I think the fact that you're making plans to go live with your dad shows a lot of initiative, and it's a very good thing. Keep up a good relationship with your aunt, as it is obvious that she understands and cares about you. And anyone who tells you emotional abuse is normal for parents are a bunch of f*cking morons (pardon my French) It's not acceptable. However, there really isn't anything you can do till you turn 16. Just go to school, work hard, get a job if you can...anything to get out of the house. And trust me, it won't end there. You'll still have problems over what's happened to you, but just talk it over with people you trust and you'll get through it alright, I'm sure. Just be grateful you actually have people there you feel comfortable talking to and that you're not totally alone. Also, try doing things with yourself more, and try dealing with things on your own. Try not to go to your grandparents(?) for any advice, because it shows you're dependant on them.
Hang in there.
This is very difficult, unless you are being physically abused, try to wait 2 more years till you turn 18. After 18 years make arrangements to stay with your favorite aunt. As for your father, take it slow and feel out what type of relationship you can have.
I hope all works out for you.
I think it's really cool your taking action against this situation. I think if you leave though you should have a back up plan just in case your dad turns out to be not what he seems just have an extra place you know you can go if you ever need to leave his houseeye color
I've grown up with my biological grandmother and her second husband. I sustained injuries when I was an infant, and Children's Aid became involved and said they were wary of me going back with my real parents because of this. There was a court case, and eventually my grandmother and grandfather - Rosalind and John - basically took custody of me. They did not do so out of compassion, however - Rosalind had three children with her first husband, but she could not have any more, and she wanted one with John. So when that happened to me, they took advantage of this to take me from my real parents. Please understand that I am not ungrateful - these two individuals have emotionally abused me for my entire fifteen years of living with them, as they did to my mother, aunt and uncle. They are the type of abusive people who outsiders think and funny and easygoing, but who are really nasty and sadistic. A few years ago, I developed a very good relationship with my aunt, Lisa, who understands completely what they are and what it was like to live with them. I tried to go live with her, but Rosalind found out and immediately put a stop to this. I wasn't allowed to talk to her for a year and a half after this, but when I did, we began scheming for my escape again. She wanted me to meet my father, who Rosalind and John had never let me meet (although they let me meet my mother when I was thirteen, only because she is Rosalind's daughter). So I have met him behind their back, twice to date, and I am planning to leave shortly after my birthday in December, when I turn sixteen. This is because, after I turn sixteen, they cannot call the cops and force me to come back. I am free to leave and never come back. But I feel nervous as well - having lived with them so long, they have a powerful influence over me. I care far too much about what they think about me, and everything else. Even though they constantly criticize me, and I am afraid of them, I am also afraid to go. And I am planning to go live with my real father, but I hardly know him. My aunt, who I trust very much, tells me he is a good person, and so far that is what I see. But having lived with manipulative people who are good at acting nice (when it benefits them), I'm not sure what to do. Although I'm trulypositive he can't be worse than THEM. What do you think I should do? ....if you have taken the time to read this....?
....and what do you think I could do to make time between now (August) and my birthday (in December) pass faster?Complicated family situation - desperately in need of advice!?
Wow, that is really a tough one. I'm not entirely sure how to answer this but I'll go ahead and put in my 2 cents worth. I suppose it can be daunting to leave a place you've called home for years. Crossing the comfort zone is scary and hard. But at the same time, I suppose you ultimately need to sit down and think hard about what will truly make you a happier and free-er person. Life is too short to be in a situation where you're unhappy and hurt all the time. Maybe between your time from now and December, you should try establishing more regular contact with your father. Just so you truly feel more trusting and sure about your move to go stay with him. You can only judge for yourself and having doubts at the back of your head won't do you good. Try speaking to your aunt more and just ask her say if things between you and your father don't go well, whether you could go live with her. That can be your Plan B. Those are always good to have around for the ';what ifs';. Especially if you don't wanna have to move back into your grandmother's place. Well, I hope that helps and good luck!!!
Like Alanis Morisette sang in Crazy - ';We're never gonna survive, unless we get a little crazy!';Complicated family situation - desperately in need of advice!?
Holly, Holly, Holly. Unless your grandparents are abusing you in some horrible fashion, which I doubt, you'd be better off with them. I was 16 once upon a time and I was convinced that my parents and anyone over 30 was completely insane, ignorant, you-name-it. It was amazing how much they had improved by the time I was 21. Your grandmother is being over-protective precisely because you are 16. Be kind and patient and bring these people up right, you only have 2 more years to accomplish this. Everyone else will notice it, too. Make good grades, do your chores without asking, practice good manners at all times and be pleasant. There's no way in the world they wouldn't trust a girl like this. And be trustworthy. If you leave, you may not even get a high school diploma, let alone a college degree. Your future is at stake and it really is a cold, cruel world out there. One of these days, you'll wish you were back at your grandparents' home without a REAL care in the world. Yes, it's a hassle now but the pay-ff is priceless.
you poor thing
i can't say i have ever been in your situation as i have a loving mum and dad %26amp; 3 sisters... but i can tell you that there is people out there who will love you and won't be so horrible to you.
Its very responsible for you to go live with your dad, instead of a boyfriend, but make sure because you don't know the real him that you have all your friends and aunt know where you are, and make sure you keep people in the loop.
also see child protection services if you want to leave early ... you shouldn't have to live your life in fear it's your life and you should be happy!
Wow, that's a whopper. I'm not sure where to begin. Well, I think the fact that you're making plans to go live with your dad shows a lot of initiative, and it's a very good thing. Keep up a good relationship with your aunt, as it is obvious that she understands and cares about you. And anyone who tells you emotional abuse is normal for parents are a bunch of f*cking morons (pardon my French) It's not acceptable. However, there really isn't anything you can do till you turn 16. Just go to school, work hard, get a job if you can...anything to get out of the house. And trust me, it won't end there. You'll still have problems over what's happened to you, but just talk it over with people you trust and you'll get through it alright, I'm sure. Just be grateful you actually have people there you feel comfortable talking to and that you're not totally alone. Also, try doing things with yourself more, and try dealing with things on your own. Try not to go to your grandparents(?) for any advice, because it shows you're dependant on them.
Hang in there.
This is very difficult, unless you are being physically abused, try to wait 2 more years till you turn 18. After 18 years make arrangements to stay with your favorite aunt. As for your father, take it slow and feel out what type of relationship you can have.
I hope all works out for you.
I think it's really cool your taking action against this situation. I think if you leave though you should have a back up plan just in case your dad turns out to be not what he seems just have an extra place you know you can go if you ever need to leave his house
Complicated family problems? i need someone's advice :'(?
this is going to be a bit long but someone please listen :'(
ok, i'm an only child and am chinese (yes this means strict family education...) there's alot of 'invisible' problems going between my mum and dad. well recently my mum kept blabbering about my dad and his doings. my dad's personality is quite 'manly' and he thinks he kinda rules the house and everything he says is right, and nobody is allowed to say he's wrong. he's like a person you can't really like but on the other hand can't really hate either, but only when he's in a good mood and gives out money and jokes around...lol.
on the other hand my mum is kinda strict (she locked me in my room without computer for a few months before my finals.) but she's nice most of the time and buys clothes and everything. but recently she's gotten pretty annoying badmouthing about my dad (altho most of the things she says is actually true...). these days when she's a bit angry (i think its PMS...!) she goes on complaining about almost everything with a smile on her face, which makes me go WTF and rebut her arguments. for example, today she was saying how you can't hear any words at all in rock songs (which happen to be my favourite genre of music) and i got pissed and everything and then she got pissed and started to ignore me with no end. altho, i actually kinda like this because she won't annoy me for a while.
then back to the real problem, my mum is saying bad things about my dad and saying how i shouldn鈥檛 care because i'm in my most important education right now (going university in a 2 years), its like as if she's saying she wants to divorce my dad. i can't blame her, once i mistakenly taken a new durex box (i suppose everyone knows what this means.) out of my dad's pocket thinking it was candy. (i dont think my mum and dad have been interacting on the bed much btw. they're always arguing...) so the problem is, i dont think our family is much of a family anymore. and i can't really side with my mum all the time because she's not always right, and she expects me to always side with her. but i love my dad too, i don鈥檛 want a messed up family. i know my mum doesn't really want to divorce because its a kind of embarrassment in the chinese community.....
someone tell me some kind of advice? altho i dont think i can do anything in this situation since both my mum and dad have these 'keep your nose out of our business' personalities...
best answer for 10 points anyone? i just want someone to listen and give advice.Complicated family problems? i need someone's advice :'(?
My family is a lot like yours. My mom is so strict she bad mouths my dad all the time with his drinking and smoking and it was so annoying. I couldn't wait to move out because I got so sick and tired over her complaining each and every day. Even if the house wasn't even that messy she would b*tch at all of us for being slobs, and even if did have it clean when she came home she would complain of how it wasn't perfect.. I even hate going over there just to visit because its the same thing over and over again. I really don't think what my dad does is so bad, but she makes it seem like his habits are the WORST on the planet! even though it could be SOOO much worse.
The only thing I can say is just to back off from the situation, I always went to my room all the time, or tried going to the park, or even hanging out with friends. Just so I can get away from it all. I would definitally be psyched about going to a college farther away and even getting a dorm just so you don't have to be there all the time having it to take a toll on you.
It would be pretty nice if you could answer my question as well :)Complicated family problems? i need someone's advice :'(?
Well my parents are just like yours and I'm chinese too! Well I had this problem, and my parents turned out fine. I thought they were having a divorce too, so my advice to you is to talk to your dad and since you are an only child, you can just convince what your dad does that isn't right. When he stops, your mother would notice and stop arguing. Maybe have a talk with your mom too and convince her to change the attitude! :) Good luck, I hope this helped.
It's a tough situation. I'm sorry you're going through it. You didn't say how old you were throughout though, which I would like knowing.
However, I lived in a similar situation.. right before my mom and step-dad split up. It sucks. I found what worked the best, is just to nod your head in agreement to both people. They are venting their frustrations, at the wrong person no less, but what they are saying can normally be taken with a grain of salt. They just need to rant and release. Maybe you should ask your mom and dad seperately if they still love each. If they both say yes, asked them what made them love each other in the first place. (do this separately of course) Just act curious. Innocent. If they respond well, keep it rolling. Ok well, what do you love about them now? Is this something that can be fixed? Would you be willing to try and work on it with him/her. Then you should tell them a lot of friends parents are going through divorce, but 2 parents decided to go to counseling together, and they have stayed together 12 more years and the kids say it's 100% better. Yeah, I'm suggesting you lie so she can hear you no someone FIRST HAND that marriage counseling can help. Wow, I've gone on and one too. So yeah, either just nod and let it go in one ear or out the other. Try and draw them out into speaking of what they like of each other, or try the old ';my friends this and that...'; whatcha think? Helpful at all? I tried. :) Good luck!
it's sad to hear about so many people going through this right now... I'm so sorry you have to deal with all this ****.
honestly, I think you should try to stay out of their arguments as much as you can. they have no right to burden you with every little detail of their marriage troubles - you're their daughter, not their counselor. really.
that said, I know that that can be next to impossible... try to talk to someone about this, like a counselor at school or a therapist. you can also use one of these phone numbers for free counseling in the US:
714-894-4242
562-596-5548
ok, i'm an only child and am chinese (yes this means strict family education...) there's alot of 'invisible' problems going between my mum and dad. well recently my mum kept blabbering about my dad and his doings. my dad's personality is quite 'manly' and he thinks he kinda rules the house and everything he says is right, and nobody is allowed to say he's wrong. he's like a person you can't really like but on the other hand can't really hate either, but only when he's in a good mood and gives out money and jokes around...lol.
on the other hand my mum is kinda strict (she locked me in my room without computer for a few months before my finals.) but she's nice most of the time and buys clothes and everything. but recently she's gotten pretty annoying badmouthing about my dad (altho most of the things she says is actually true...). these days when she's a bit angry (i think its PMS...!) she goes on complaining about almost everything with a smile on her face, which makes me go WTF and rebut her arguments. for example, today she was saying how you can't hear any words at all in rock songs (which happen to be my favourite genre of music) and i got pissed and everything and then she got pissed and started to ignore me with no end. altho, i actually kinda like this because she won't annoy me for a while.
then back to the real problem, my mum is saying bad things about my dad and saying how i shouldn鈥檛 care because i'm in my most important education right now (going university in a 2 years), its like as if she's saying she wants to divorce my dad. i can't blame her, once i mistakenly taken a new durex box (i suppose everyone knows what this means.) out of my dad's pocket thinking it was candy. (i dont think my mum and dad have been interacting on the bed much btw. they're always arguing...) so the problem is, i dont think our family is much of a family anymore. and i can't really side with my mum all the time because she's not always right, and she expects me to always side with her. but i love my dad too, i don鈥檛 want a messed up family. i know my mum doesn't really want to divorce because its a kind of embarrassment in the chinese community.....
someone tell me some kind of advice? altho i dont think i can do anything in this situation since both my mum and dad have these 'keep your nose out of our business' personalities...
best answer for 10 points anyone? i just want someone to listen and give advice.Complicated family problems? i need someone's advice :'(?
My family is a lot like yours. My mom is so strict she bad mouths my dad all the time with his drinking and smoking and it was so annoying. I couldn't wait to move out because I got so sick and tired over her complaining each and every day. Even if the house wasn't even that messy she would b*tch at all of us for being slobs, and even if did have it clean when she came home she would complain of how it wasn't perfect.. I even hate going over there just to visit because its the same thing over and over again. I really don't think what my dad does is so bad, but she makes it seem like his habits are the WORST on the planet! even though it could be SOOO much worse.
The only thing I can say is just to back off from the situation, I always went to my room all the time, or tried going to the park, or even hanging out with friends. Just so I can get away from it all. I would definitally be psyched about going to a college farther away and even getting a dorm just so you don't have to be there all the time having it to take a toll on you.
It would be pretty nice if you could answer my question as well :)Complicated family problems? i need someone's advice :'(?
Well my parents are just like yours and I'm chinese too! Well I had this problem, and my parents turned out fine. I thought they were having a divorce too, so my advice to you is to talk to your dad and since you are an only child, you can just convince what your dad does that isn't right. When he stops, your mother would notice and stop arguing. Maybe have a talk with your mom too and convince her to change the attitude! :) Good luck, I hope this helped.
It's a tough situation. I'm sorry you're going through it. You didn't say how old you were throughout though, which I would like knowing.
However, I lived in a similar situation.. right before my mom and step-dad split up. It sucks. I found what worked the best, is just to nod your head in agreement to both people. They are venting their frustrations, at the wrong person no less, but what they are saying can normally be taken with a grain of salt. They just need to rant and release. Maybe you should ask your mom and dad seperately if they still love each. If they both say yes, asked them what made them love each other in the first place. (do this separately of course) Just act curious. Innocent. If they respond well, keep it rolling. Ok well, what do you love about them now? Is this something that can be fixed? Would you be willing to try and work on it with him/her. Then you should tell them a lot of friends parents are going through divorce, but 2 parents decided to go to counseling together, and they have stayed together 12 more years and the kids say it's 100% better. Yeah, I'm suggesting you lie so she can hear you no someone FIRST HAND that marriage counseling can help. Wow, I've gone on and one too. So yeah, either just nod and let it go in one ear or out the other. Try and draw them out into speaking of what they like of each other, or try the old ';my friends this and that...'; whatcha think? Helpful at all? I tried. :) Good luck!
it's sad to hear about so many people going through this right now... I'm so sorry you have to deal with all this ****.
honestly, I think you should try to stay out of their arguments as much as you can. they have no right to burden you with every little detail of their marriage troubles - you're their daughter, not their counselor. really.
that said, I know that that can be next to impossible... try to talk to someone about this, like a counselor at school or a therapist. you can also use one of these phone numbers for free counseling in the US:
714-894-4242
562-596-5548
Private family matter not so private. Need advice!!!?
ok, my brother is getting divorced after a year of marriage, his wife is my hubby's 3rd cousin, and she is close to my sister-in-laws.
Its hard cuz i support him but his wife is trash talking him to my SILs. They are nosey as it is, but they say the dont wanna get involved cuz they understand its hard for me but they are!
for example, my ex-sil told my bro he could have their van, he didnt want it but was gonna sell it to buy another car. well, she ended up filing for the divorce and called him and said ';ill give you the title of the van only if you agree to my terms on the divorce'; well, he doesnt want to, so she had my SILs go the my moms to pick the van up! i understand they are her family and in a tough situation too, but it was wrong of them to get involved!!! i wish this matter could be private with in my own family, but my inlaws are involved (my MIL is nosey and not staying out of it either)
what is the best way for me to handle this?Private family matter not so private. Need advice!!!?
Ignore ignore and stay out of this messPrivate family matter not so private. Need advice!!!?
YOU DON'T HANDLE IT! THAT'S THE BEST WAY TO 'HANDLE' THIS!
I think you could use some help with personal boundaries. I do not say this being mean. I say this because I've been there! Here are a few RULES that may help you to know whether to get involved; whether to say anything; or whether to take responsibility:
1) You cannot control anyone else's behaviors, except for your own.
2) You are not responsible for anyone else's actions.
3) If the person (or persons) involved is not your child, it is not your business, and you are not responsible.
4) If the person (or persons) involved is over 18, it is not your business, and you are not responsible.
5) If you were not asked to become involved, don't.
6) Support others in doing what is right - but you cannot make them do (or not do) anything.
7) All the things you learned in Kindergarten, apply here. Be nice, share your toys, treat others as you would like to be treated, don't call people names, etc.
One thing I noticed is that everyone is talking about things way too much. Be an example to the others, including the nosey MIL, and BE QUIET! When someone says anything about the situation, you can, very nicely, change the subject. Do it enough times, and they will get your point. This situation is your brother's business. If he asks your opinion, I think it would be fine to give it. But don't give this too much of your own energy or emotion, because it won't do any good. You cannot control what anyone in this situation does, or does not do. That is NEVER going to change. However, by effecting changes in yourself (such as not getting drawn into the conversation) you can certainly have an effect on others. Hopefully, it will be a good effect.
When one person (such as yourself) rises above the level of behavior that others are exhibiting, it helps others to see their own behavior in a better light. Sometimes, they will change without you saying a word.
Speak to them by example. Actions truly do speak louder than words.
Its hard cuz i support him but his wife is trash talking him to my SILs. They are nosey as it is, but they say the dont wanna get involved cuz they understand its hard for me but they are!
for example, my ex-sil told my bro he could have their van, he didnt want it but was gonna sell it to buy another car. well, she ended up filing for the divorce and called him and said ';ill give you the title of the van only if you agree to my terms on the divorce'; well, he doesnt want to, so she had my SILs go the my moms to pick the van up! i understand they are her family and in a tough situation too, but it was wrong of them to get involved!!! i wish this matter could be private with in my own family, but my inlaws are involved (my MIL is nosey and not staying out of it either)
what is the best way for me to handle this?Private family matter not so private. Need advice!!!?
Ignore ignore and stay out of this messPrivate family matter not so private. Need advice!!!?
YOU DON'T HANDLE IT! THAT'S THE BEST WAY TO 'HANDLE' THIS!
I think you could use some help with personal boundaries. I do not say this being mean. I say this because I've been there! Here are a few RULES that may help you to know whether to get involved; whether to say anything; or whether to take responsibility:
1) You cannot control anyone else's behaviors, except for your own.
2) You are not responsible for anyone else's actions.
3) If the person (or persons) involved is not your child, it is not your business, and you are not responsible.
4) If the person (or persons) involved is over 18, it is not your business, and you are not responsible.
5) If you were not asked to become involved, don't.
6) Support others in doing what is right - but you cannot make them do (or not do) anything.
7) All the things you learned in Kindergarten, apply here. Be nice, share your toys, treat others as you would like to be treated, don't call people names, etc.
One thing I noticed is that everyone is talking about things way too much. Be an example to the others, including the nosey MIL, and BE QUIET! When someone says anything about the situation, you can, very nicely, change the subject. Do it enough times, and they will get your point. This situation is your brother's business. If he asks your opinion, I think it would be fine to give it. But don't give this too much of your own energy or emotion, because it won't do any good. You cannot control what anyone in this situation does, or does not do. That is NEVER going to change. However, by effecting changes in yourself (such as not getting drawn into the conversation) you can certainly have an effect on others. Hopefully, it will be a good effect.
When one person (such as yourself) rises above the level of behavior that others are exhibiting, it helps others to see their own behavior in a better light. Sometimes, they will change without you saying a word.
Speak to them by example. Actions truly do speak louder than words.
Female family member crossing the line??? need advice Please!?
I know for a fact that my mother is viewing my ex boyfriends pic on his myspace page. Within a 2wk time frame she looked at his pics over 22 times and visited his profile over 37 times. I also know that she is sending him emails thru her myspace page. I have not told him that I know she is contacting him,nor have I mentioned it to her. Just dont know how to start the conversation or if I should just let it go and not mention anything. She looked at his pic one morning before she even went to work!! I would like opinions from any professional or those that have been in similar shoes, as to how I may handle this situation.
Thank you so much for your valuable time!Female family member crossing the line??? need advice Please!?
how old is your mom and why does she have a myspace page?
She sounds like a creepy stalker who apparently can't get anyone to date her who is her own age. I would confront her on it and tell her to stop being so creepy.Female family member crossing the line??? need advice Please!?
how do you know how many time she viewed his pics and profile?
i think u show at least tell her u know she has been looking at his page multiple time and ask her y? don't just acuse her of something ur not sure she is doing. u will then know what 2 do about it.
Thank you so much for your valuable time!Female family member crossing the line??? need advice Please!?
how old is your mom and why does she have a myspace page?
She sounds like a creepy stalker who apparently can't get anyone to date her who is her own age. I would confront her on it and tell her to stop being so creepy.Female family member crossing the line??? need advice Please!?
how do you know how many time she viewed his pics and profile?
i think u show at least tell her u know she has been looking at his page multiple time and ask her y? don't just acuse her of something ur not sure she is doing. u will then know what 2 do about it.
Niece / family problems... i need ur help/advice?
i have this little niece who is about 9 years old and she's bored a lot so sometimes she comes to my house and i let her play video games on the computer or i play outside with her (usually rollerblades or sometimes i take her to the park...)
my mother really doesn't like this because she's having problem with her daughter in law ( my niece's mom ) and they've been bickering at each other over money and stuff like that.. and my mom doesn't want anything to do with my niece....
but my niece didn't do anything wrong, she's just a cute lil girl =.=
recently she just asked me if i could teach her how to rollerblade and im willing to do it, but i always feel like my mom is upset with me even associating with her.... its kinda bad
what should i do?Niece / family problems... i need ur help/advice?
You are way more mature than your mother. She needs to grow up a little. Your neice is ultimately paying the price for her mother's conflict with your mother. This would really upset me. As you stated, she's a cute lil girl who has no fault in this.
If I were you, I would talk with mom. I would tell her that it's unfair that her granddaughter will never know her because she chose not to. I don't know how old you are or if you live at home. But I think I would still talk with her. Your mother needs to realize how foolish she is being. I would flat out tell her that just because she wants nothing to do with her own flesh and blood don't mean you don't want to. I would even talk to your brother if possible. Find a way to get these two supposed adults to resolve the problems they're having so that your dear neice can be apart of the family. Honestly, if this was my mother and she failed to see that she is completely wrong. I would distance myself from her. I wouldn't allow her to disappoint me anymore.
I want you to understand how important it is for you to continue being apart of your neices life. Some of my fondest childhood memories were with my uncles. I couldn't imagine not having those life experiences.Niece / family problems... i need ur help/advice?
you know, your mother really needs to realize that this is a child that you are talking about and not some adult that can control this situation, its not the 9 yr olds fault like you said, and to be honest, your mother is being very selfish, and hurtful to this little girl.
you need to tell your mother that she needs to put the problem aside when it comes to this CHILD. tell her that it is immature, and selfish, and that she needs to grow up.
im sorry that im sounding so blunt, but its just not fair to that little girl at all.
You just carry on doing what you are doing and being a loving aunt. This little girl is innocent in all this and your mom should grow up a bit and not take it out on her. Whatever problems she has with her daughter in law should be kept between the two of them. I can only imagine how hurt and upset your niece will be when she realises that Granny doesn't want to know her.
don't get caught up with your mom's issues and please don't stop playing with your niece
Tell your Mom that she needs to redirect her anger from her Grandchild to her Daughter in Law and to grow up. Then you be the great Aunt that you already are and play with that child, teach her everything you want to and have a great time cause in time... She will be your confidant and best friend.
She is lucky to have you.
ignore her don't let your mother's pettiness get in the way of you knowing your niece it's your mother's problem and not yours why should your niece loose out just coz your mother has a problem with her mother, if your mother gets upset let her don't you let her get you involved in her arguments they are her arguments and not yours.
my mother really doesn't like this because she's having problem with her daughter in law ( my niece's mom ) and they've been bickering at each other over money and stuff like that.. and my mom doesn't want anything to do with my niece....
but my niece didn't do anything wrong, she's just a cute lil girl =.=
recently she just asked me if i could teach her how to rollerblade and im willing to do it, but i always feel like my mom is upset with me even associating with her.... its kinda bad
what should i do?Niece / family problems... i need ur help/advice?
You are way more mature than your mother. She needs to grow up a little. Your neice is ultimately paying the price for her mother's conflict with your mother. This would really upset me. As you stated, she's a cute lil girl who has no fault in this.
If I were you, I would talk with mom. I would tell her that it's unfair that her granddaughter will never know her because she chose not to. I don't know how old you are or if you live at home. But I think I would still talk with her. Your mother needs to realize how foolish she is being. I would flat out tell her that just because she wants nothing to do with her own flesh and blood don't mean you don't want to. I would even talk to your brother if possible. Find a way to get these two supposed adults to resolve the problems they're having so that your dear neice can be apart of the family. Honestly, if this was my mother and she failed to see that she is completely wrong. I would distance myself from her. I wouldn't allow her to disappoint me anymore.
I want you to understand how important it is for you to continue being apart of your neices life. Some of my fondest childhood memories were with my uncles. I couldn't imagine not having those life experiences.Niece / family problems... i need ur help/advice?
you know, your mother really needs to realize that this is a child that you are talking about and not some adult that can control this situation, its not the 9 yr olds fault like you said, and to be honest, your mother is being very selfish, and hurtful to this little girl.
you need to tell your mother that she needs to put the problem aside when it comes to this CHILD. tell her that it is immature, and selfish, and that she needs to grow up.
im sorry that im sounding so blunt, but its just not fair to that little girl at all.
You just carry on doing what you are doing and being a loving aunt. This little girl is innocent in all this and your mom should grow up a bit and not take it out on her. Whatever problems she has with her daughter in law should be kept between the two of them. I can only imagine how hurt and upset your niece will be when she realises that Granny doesn't want to know her.
don't get caught up with your mom's issues and please don't stop playing with your niece
Tell your Mom that she needs to redirect her anger from her Grandchild to her Daughter in Law and to grow up. Then you be the great Aunt that you already are and play with that child, teach her everything you want to and have a great time cause in time... She will be your confidant and best friend.
She is lucky to have you.
ignore her don't let your mother's pettiness get in the way of you knowing your niece it's your mother's problem and not yours why should your niece loose out just coz your mother has a problem with her mother, if your mother gets upset let her don't you let her get you involved in her arguments they are her arguments and not yours.
My family has fallen apart. I need advice from an outsider *long*?
Where do I start?
I am 22 years old, have an 18 month old daughter, engaged to my fiance of 7 years. I always had trouble with my family and that is why I moved out at such a young age.
I have an older sister that moved out at 15. She is currently 24, addicted to drugs, alcohol, and currently going through court for fraud. She has done things like stolen my money, verbally and physically abused me etc. I have forgiven her way too many times and we became closer each time I let my guard down. It always ends up with me feeling hurt again.
I have been ignoring her calls for the past few months now because I want to protect myself and my daughter. I wouldn't let a stranger come around who had the same qualities, so why should I just because it is my sister. She calls here everyday leaving messages saying ';what did I do??'; I told my Mom that unless she gets help, I want no relationshoip with her but she still treats me like I am coldhearted because I won't let my sister come over to visit my daughter. I know it is my decision and I am firm on it. Something inside of me is eating me up like I should feel guilty. No matter how right I know I am, my Mom seems to still inject guilt on my mind. My Mom says things like ';oh well if she died tomorrow, you would live the rest of your life feeling guilty';.
Maybe I just need some insight because I feel very depressed from this whole situation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.My family has fallen apart. I need advice from an outsider *long*?
Hi, DON';T LET YOUR MOM CHANGE YOUR MIND!!! You are absolutely right!! Tell your sister what she has done. TELL her that when she goes through treatment and has been sober for an acceptable amount of time MAYBE you will allow her to come around. You are setting your boundaries and practicing tough love. GREAT!! Enabling her like your Mom seems to be doing will NEVER show her the need to make any changes in her life. I'm proud of you!! Have your Mom look at this site: http://www.ehow.com/how_2083740_stop-ena鈥?/a> Also: http://www.egetgoing.com/drug_addiction/鈥?/a> AND: http://joy2meu.com/tough_love.htm. On this site read the section titled ';Enabling %26amp; Rescuing vs Tough Love';. It would be good for you to read these things to reinforce to you that you are doing the right thing and it would be imperative for your Mom to read them so hopefully, she will see what she is doing is not acceptable! I hope you can work through it...just don't let ANYONE tell you you are wrong. You have the right to included and exclude anyone that is unacceptable to be around your family. Like you said, you wouldn't let anyone else in that condition come around. GOOD LUCK!! JOSAMy family has fallen apart. I need advice from an outsider *long*?
Does she want to see your daughter? If so, good. Get your family together, give her an intervention, and tell her... If she wants to see her niece, she has to get clean first. If not, bye-bye.
Don't do what your mother says. You have your own family to watch out for and your fiance and daughter should be priority 1.
YOU ARE RIGHT!!!!!! Ignore ALL KINDS OF CONTACT FROM HER!!!!
Look, your first priority is your daughter and yourself. Your drug addicted, drunk and criminal sister IS BAD NEWS!!!!!! Your mother should be of the same opinion!
You need the tender hands of a tomato.
just tell them
She needs psychological help, and needs to get on an antidepressant and maybe a anti psychotic medication of some kind. What she needs is a counselor through like a church based organization or somewhere like a church. She sounds like she just needs to get stronger and get a job and go back to college to be a nurse or something that works like in education or in heath care. She sounds like she is the type of individual who can't keep a job. She really needs to get psychological help and to get assigned a counselor. I would maintain a low profile with her, and a lot of people if they were in your shoes would maintain a low profile also. Good luck...
You can't help her until she tries to help herself. My mother is like this. She will use you to get what she wants and then get mad and cry when you call her out on it. Right now she owes me $500 and she thinks if she doesn't call me for a week I'll forget about it and everything will be okay next week. I think you are making the right decision by not letting your sister see your daughter. Maybe she will want to get to know her niece bad enough and she will get clean and sober. Good luck...I know what it's like to have family problems.
I am on your side completely and I applaud you for standing by your convictions! You are in the right here. Don't let your mother or sister or anyone else make you feel guilty. Your sister, sorry to say, is a big loser! With a capitol L. And she knows it. She knows she has to make you feel guilty so she can try to manipulate you and she knows that's the only way. Otherwise, she wouldn't try it.
Show them how strong you are and stand firm. Change your phone number too. That always sends a strong message.
Good luck!!
hi hon,
first off, the way i am reading your question is, is you have a boyfriend who loves you and a child who loves you and that's all that matters the most. a good family of your own.
now comes your sister ! your sister has to help herself if she wants to have a better life, because no one can change a person unless themselves. so if she is pressuring you for help and you can't give it, it's not your fault and don't blame yourself for other peoples problems and do not listen to your mom. she just likes to hurt other peoples feelings. i know it's your family and you love them, but you need to fend for yourself and just say to yourself that you did the best you can and tell them not to bother you and put your foot down. if she keeps bothering you and your family, get a protection order on her. you, your daughter or boyfriend don't need her when there is drugs around.
so that is my advice to you dear. so rock on baby and smile. keep your chin up. lol !
I agree with the last post from Ashley--
You do need to protect your family FIRST.
However I do not feel you should put her out of your life all together. For whatever reason she keeps coming back to you and it's when she NEEDS you most. I know she hasn't been the best sister to you but you need to continue to be there for her. It may take getting your whole family together to help her. Maybe you need to call her up and meet her somewhere to talk. Just YOU and her. And tell her that she has to make some SERIOUS changes in her life in order to be apart of your family again. You can tell her that YOU are still there for her though. Does this make sense? I feel you have every right to keep her away from your family, for their protection. Especially with drugs and things that that involved. Your daughter doesn't need to see her Aunt like that. And remind your sister this is why. Maybe you don't feel it's your responsibility to be there for her anymore, especially the way she has treated you. Trust me I totally understand. But I really feel from what you wrote that she really does NEED you and it could possibly be a good thing if you can convince her to make these changes in her life. Good Luck--
Honestly, your Mom is wrong and you are right and you have nothing to feel guilty about. Your sister choose her way of life, you didn't force it on her. She made her bed and now she has to lay in it. Sister, brother, whatever, I don't want a liar, a thief, a drug addict or a would be criminal anywhere around me or my children. Burn me once, shame on you, burn me twice shame on me. There are no second chances in life, you screw me over once and you will never get a second chance. It seems like your Mom is in denial and is condoning your sisters horrible actions and behavior. If she died tomorrow it would be a blessing to her and her family, everyone would be better off with out that burden of responsibility and feelings of guilt every time she calls with another sob story. If she really cared about her family so much why is she doing what she is doing to them? Why won't she go to rehab and get help, why is she trying to make you think what she is doing is right or normal? Get married, be happy, leave the baggage behind. Worry about you, your husband and your child. Take care of Mom, she may be in denial, but it still isn't her fault. You have no control over your sister or her actions or her life, so you can't feel guilty about something you have no control over and didn't cause. Stick to your guns and don't fall for the sob stories and guilt trips. Maybe doing a stretch in jail will get her off the drugs, maybe. I still wouldn't trust her, jail just teaches you more bad stuff it doesn't really rehabilitate anyone.
NO.
*YOU* should not reject your sister that is family, that is your blood. key word being you. you might want to keep her away from your daughter and your fiancee, thats fine. but you dont kno how much hurt and pain it is to have your family abandon you. dont give up on her. my mom is on drugs and i will never shun her just because of that. think about it.
ARHHHHH WHY DO PARENTS ALWAYS COME OUT WITH THAT ONE LINE ';if they died tomorrow you'd feel guilty about it';.
I'm sure theres some bad parents school they go to when we are babies and they are told to come out with that one line when all else fails.
Seriously though, you are completely doing the right thing not letting your sister come round to your house.
You have a beautiful daughter who means the world to you. What is to say your sister comes round and drops some type of drug on the floor accidentally and your child picks it up ?
You should never have drug addicts or alcoholics around your children.
And as for your feelings, you need to step away from this sister until she is clean.
If she's not in your life you are happier, and a happier mummy makes for a happier baby.
DO NOT FEEL GUILTY about what your mum has said, stand up and be strong and say you will not have a drug addict around you or your child EVER.
Take care
Please dont feel guilty. It is important that you keep your sister close but not too close. Know your boundaries with her. Go ahead and still communicate with her but tell her that you love her so much that you wont really do anything with her( for example her coming to see your beautiful baby) untill she gets help. Ignoring your sister completley wont help. Encourage her she can get thru her mess. Just dont let her mess interfere with your life. Be happy and show her the love she needs. And I would love to leave you with this quote....
In order to see the rainbow, at first a little rain must fall.
I have a similar situation, but it's with my Grandmother and uncle. i know it doesn't seem so serious, but we're a very very close family. If your sister has done you wrong, and you feel that you do not want to be around her, then don't. I wouldn't want someone like that around my child either. That's why I have moved away from my family. Don't let anyone guilt you into speaking to her again. People are unpredictable and you never know what she may do, regardless of what relation they have to you. My grandmother has completely turned her back on me and allowed my uncle to steal from me and use drugs around me, my mother and younger sister. This is why I have had to move away and I'm only fifteen, not to mention three months pregnant. I will not be around anyone that I have feel has done me an injustice. Stay true to yourself, your child and your fiance. keep your own family safe first. Follow your intuition and Good luck. I hope things work out for you.
I understand how you feel, i would be saying exactly the same to protect my daughter.
Maybe you could meet up with your sister in a neutral place and tell her how you're feeling and tell her that you love her and you want to be part of her life and you want her to be an auntie to your daughter but she has to sort herself out. And until she does sort herself out you don't want to see her, talk to her or spend time with her. You have told her face to face what you expect from her then and the rest is up to her.
Hope everything works out. xx
I am 22 years old, have an 18 month old daughter, engaged to my fiance of 7 years. I always had trouble with my family and that is why I moved out at such a young age.
I have an older sister that moved out at 15. She is currently 24, addicted to drugs, alcohol, and currently going through court for fraud. She has done things like stolen my money, verbally and physically abused me etc. I have forgiven her way too many times and we became closer each time I let my guard down. It always ends up with me feeling hurt again.
I have been ignoring her calls for the past few months now because I want to protect myself and my daughter. I wouldn't let a stranger come around who had the same qualities, so why should I just because it is my sister. She calls here everyday leaving messages saying ';what did I do??'; I told my Mom that unless she gets help, I want no relationshoip with her but she still treats me like I am coldhearted because I won't let my sister come over to visit my daughter. I know it is my decision and I am firm on it. Something inside of me is eating me up like I should feel guilty. No matter how right I know I am, my Mom seems to still inject guilt on my mind. My Mom says things like ';oh well if she died tomorrow, you would live the rest of your life feeling guilty';.
Maybe I just need some insight because I feel very depressed from this whole situation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.My family has fallen apart. I need advice from an outsider *long*?
Hi, DON';T LET YOUR MOM CHANGE YOUR MIND!!! You are absolutely right!! Tell your sister what she has done. TELL her that when she goes through treatment and has been sober for an acceptable amount of time MAYBE you will allow her to come around. You are setting your boundaries and practicing tough love. GREAT!! Enabling her like your Mom seems to be doing will NEVER show her the need to make any changes in her life. I'm proud of you!! Have your Mom look at this site: http://www.ehow.com/how_2083740_stop-ena鈥?/a> Also: http://www.egetgoing.com/drug_addiction/鈥?/a> AND: http://joy2meu.com/tough_love.htm. On this site read the section titled ';Enabling %26amp; Rescuing vs Tough Love';. It would be good for you to read these things to reinforce to you that you are doing the right thing and it would be imperative for your Mom to read them so hopefully, she will see what she is doing is not acceptable! I hope you can work through it...just don't let ANYONE tell you you are wrong. You have the right to included and exclude anyone that is unacceptable to be around your family. Like you said, you wouldn't let anyone else in that condition come around. GOOD LUCK!! JOSAMy family has fallen apart. I need advice from an outsider *long*?
Does she want to see your daughter? If so, good. Get your family together, give her an intervention, and tell her... If she wants to see her niece, she has to get clean first. If not, bye-bye.
Don't do what your mother says. You have your own family to watch out for and your fiance and daughter should be priority 1.
YOU ARE RIGHT!!!!!! Ignore ALL KINDS OF CONTACT FROM HER!!!!
Look, your first priority is your daughter and yourself. Your drug addicted, drunk and criminal sister IS BAD NEWS!!!!!! Your mother should be of the same opinion!
You need the tender hands of a tomato.
just tell them
She needs psychological help, and needs to get on an antidepressant and maybe a anti psychotic medication of some kind. What she needs is a counselor through like a church based organization or somewhere like a church. She sounds like she just needs to get stronger and get a job and go back to college to be a nurse or something that works like in education or in heath care. She sounds like she is the type of individual who can't keep a job. She really needs to get psychological help and to get assigned a counselor. I would maintain a low profile with her, and a lot of people if they were in your shoes would maintain a low profile also. Good luck...
You can't help her until she tries to help herself. My mother is like this. She will use you to get what she wants and then get mad and cry when you call her out on it. Right now she owes me $500 and she thinks if she doesn't call me for a week I'll forget about it and everything will be okay next week. I think you are making the right decision by not letting your sister see your daughter. Maybe she will want to get to know her niece bad enough and she will get clean and sober. Good luck...I know what it's like to have family problems.
I am on your side completely and I applaud you for standing by your convictions! You are in the right here. Don't let your mother or sister or anyone else make you feel guilty. Your sister, sorry to say, is a big loser! With a capitol L. And she knows it. She knows she has to make you feel guilty so she can try to manipulate you and she knows that's the only way. Otherwise, she wouldn't try it.
Show them how strong you are and stand firm. Change your phone number too. That always sends a strong message.
Good luck!!
hi hon,
first off, the way i am reading your question is, is you have a boyfriend who loves you and a child who loves you and that's all that matters the most. a good family of your own.
now comes your sister ! your sister has to help herself if she wants to have a better life, because no one can change a person unless themselves. so if she is pressuring you for help and you can't give it, it's not your fault and don't blame yourself for other peoples problems and do not listen to your mom. she just likes to hurt other peoples feelings. i know it's your family and you love them, but you need to fend for yourself and just say to yourself that you did the best you can and tell them not to bother you and put your foot down. if she keeps bothering you and your family, get a protection order on her. you, your daughter or boyfriend don't need her when there is drugs around.
so that is my advice to you dear. so rock on baby and smile. keep your chin up. lol !
I agree with the last post from Ashley--
You do need to protect your family FIRST.
However I do not feel you should put her out of your life all together. For whatever reason she keeps coming back to you and it's when she NEEDS you most. I know she hasn't been the best sister to you but you need to continue to be there for her. It may take getting your whole family together to help her. Maybe you need to call her up and meet her somewhere to talk. Just YOU and her. And tell her that she has to make some SERIOUS changes in her life in order to be apart of your family again. You can tell her that YOU are still there for her though. Does this make sense? I feel you have every right to keep her away from your family, for their protection. Especially with drugs and things that that involved. Your daughter doesn't need to see her Aunt like that. And remind your sister this is why. Maybe you don't feel it's your responsibility to be there for her anymore, especially the way she has treated you. Trust me I totally understand. But I really feel from what you wrote that she really does NEED you and it could possibly be a good thing if you can convince her to make these changes in her life. Good Luck--
Honestly, your Mom is wrong and you are right and you have nothing to feel guilty about. Your sister choose her way of life, you didn't force it on her. She made her bed and now she has to lay in it. Sister, brother, whatever, I don't want a liar, a thief, a drug addict or a would be criminal anywhere around me or my children. Burn me once, shame on you, burn me twice shame on me. There are no second chances in life, you screw me over once and you will never get a second chance. It seems like your Mom is in denial and is condoning your sisters horrible actions and behavior. If she died tomorrow it would be a blessing to her and her family, everyone would be better off with out that burden of responsibility and feelings of guilt every time she calls with another sob story. If she really cared about her family so much why is she doing what she is doing to them? Why won't she go to rehab and get help, why is she trying to make you think what she is doing is right or normal? Get married, be happy, leave the baggage behind. Worry about you, your husband and your child. Take care of Mom, she may be in denial, but it still isn't her fault. You have no control over your sister or her actions or her life, so you can't feel guilty about something you have no control over and didn't cause. Stick to your guns and don't fall for the sob stories and guilt trips. Maybe doing a stretch in jail will get her off the drugs, maybe. I still wouldn't trust her, jail just teaches you more bad stuff it doesn't really rehabilitate anyone.
NO.
*YOU* should not reject your sister that is family, that is your blood. key word being you. you might want to keep her away from your daughter and your fiancee, thats fine. but you dont kno how much hurt and pain it is to have your family abandon you. dont give up on her. my mom is on drugs and i will never shun her just because of that. think about it.
ARHHHHH WHY DO PARENTS ALWAYS COME OUT WITH THAT ONE LINE ';if they died tomorrow you'd feel guilty about it';.
I'm sure theres some bad parents school they go to when we are babies and they are told to come out with that one line when all else fails.
Seriously though, you are completely doing the right thing not letting your sister come round to your house.
You have a beautiful daughter who means the world to you. What is to say your sister comes round and drops some type of drug on the floor accidentally and your child picks it up ?
You should never have drug addicts or alcoholics around your children.
And as for your feelings, you need to step away from this sister until she is clean.
If she's not in your life you are happier, and a happier mummy makes for a happier baby.
DO NOT FEEL GUILTY about what your mum has said, stand up and be strong and say you will not have a drug addict around you or your child EVER.
Take care
Please dont feel guilty. It is important that you keep your sister close but not too close. Know your boundaries with her. Go ahead and still communicate with her but tell her that you love her so much that you wont really do anything with her( for example her coming to see your beautiful baby) untill she gets help. Ignoring your sister completley wont help. Encourage her she can get thru her mess. Just dont let her mess interfere with your life. Be happy and show her the love she needs. And I would love to leave you with this quote....
In order to see the rainbow, at first a little rain must fall.
I have a similar situation, but it's with my Grandmother and uncle. i know it doesn't seem so serious, but we're a very very close family. If your sister has done you wrong, and you feel that you do not want to be around her, then don't. I wouldn't want someone like that around my child either. That's why I have moved away from my family. Don't let anyone guilt you into speaking to her again. People are unpredictable and you never know what she may do, regardless of what relation they have to you. My grandmother has completely turned her back on me and allowed my uncle to steal from me and use drugs around me, my mother and younger sister. This is why I have had to move away and I'm only fifteen, not to mention three months pregnant. I will not be around anyone that I have feel has done me an injustice. Stay true to yourself, your child and your fiance. keep your own family safe first. Follow your intuition and Good luck. I hope things work out for you.
I understand how you feel, i would be saying exactly the same to protect my daughter.
Maybe you could meet up with your sister in a neutral place and tell her how you're feeling and tell her that you love her and you want to be part of her life and you want her to be an auntie to your daughter but she has to sort herself out. And until she does sort herself out you don't want to see her, talk to her or spend time with her. You have told her face to face what you expect from her then and the rest is up to her.
Hope everything works out. xx
Help?! family problems :( help please?! i need advice?
kk so my brother and my mom have had some problems in the past...so i saw my brother for the first time in 2years about a month ago...
so i havent called him or anything..
thing is that my mom is pressuring me into calling him to tell him that i care about him..
but i cant..because i afraid..well not afraid..i just dont know how to just call him and talk to him and tell him that.
idk what to do.
my mom is pressuring me into calling him but i cant do it.
help?!
any suggestions?
why cant i make myself call him?
i care about him and everything..but i just cant.
wats wrong with me?
my moms making me feel like crap because i havent called him.
wat should i do?
help please? :(Help?! family problems :( help please?! i need advice?
Dont feel bad. Your probably just nervous because, seeing as he was out of your life for 2 years, you dont feel comfortable around him yet. Have your mom call and talk, and then say that you just want to tell him something. Then, tell him how you feel, and let your mom have the phone back. That way, you wont be stuck in an awkward silence :)Help?! family problems :( help please?! i need advice?
Call him. You don't have to tell him you love him on the first. Or you could say it as a way to say good-bye. That what I do with my brother.eye color
so i havent called him or anything..
thing is that my mom is pressuring me into calling him to tell him that i care about him..
but i cant..because i afraid..well not afraid..i just dont know how to just call him and talk to him and tell him that.
idk what to do.
my mom is pressuring me into calling him but i cant do it.
help?!
any suggestions?
why cant i make myself call him?
i care about him and everything..but i just cant.
wats wrong with me?
my moms making me feel like crap because i havent called him.
wat should i do?
help please? :(Help?! family problems :( help please?! i need advice?
Dont feel bad. Your probably just nervous because, seeing as he was out of your life for 2 years, you dont feel comfortable around him yet. Have your mom call and talk, and then say that you just want to tell him something. Then, tell him how you feel, and let your mom have the phone back. That way, you wont be stuck in an awkward silence :)Help?! family problems :( help please?! i need advice?
Call him. You don't have to tell him you love him on the first. Or you could say it as a way to say good-bye. That what I do with my brother.
Major family problems...I really need some advice. Please?
My brother is 25. I am 22. We were planning on sharing an apt this month. We both live at home now. My brother goes out drinking at least 3 nights a week. When he does this he sleeps the entire next day. He has only saved about $600 to move on. My dad acts like my brother is a victim of circumstances. He babies him, pretty much apologizes to him. Their relationship is sickening to me. I don't want to deal with it anymore and therefore don't want to live with my brother. I told him I wasn't going to this morning and now everything is falling apart. My dad has never had a relationship with me. I worked full time and saved throughout college and could do this move on my own, but there is going to be so much animosity. What an I do? It is breaking me down.Major family problems...I really need some advice. Please?
i kinda know what you are going through im 16 and my brother is 24 he no longer lives with me and my parents but he is an alcholic and i know how you feel my dad has never been there for me ethier and my parents are divorced. The best advice i can think of is talk to him tell him how you feel about him doing that. Tell your dad that hes not a baby anymore and he has to start acting like his father not his friend.Major family problems...I really need some advice. Please?
I would personally sit them down and talk to them about the situation. Maybe they don't know that you feel this way, and surprisingly, having a conversation can help out a lot. If that doesn't help, I think you should do what's best for you. Will living with your brother be hard on you financially, physically, mentally, emotionally? Only you know what your limits are and you should do what you think is best for your own well-being.
stop drinking and tell everyone you dont want to be around people who drink. Throw in a little religion if you need to
You're an adult. Do what you know you need to do and let your family sort it out. I know that's harsh, but it's what you have to do to make your life work out. Your brother sounds like he might be a financial drain on you and that you'll get no help from your Dad. Don't do that to yourself.
If this is causing you stress, then you should definitely move out. I mean, you have the money and your brother should learn how to take care of himself. Have you tried confronting your dad and telling him how he behaves when he's with your brother and how it makes you feel?
Do not move in with your brother. Helping your wayward brother out will only contribute to his irresponsibility. You would be enabling him. You will have a never-ending life taking care of his messes. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or feels about you changing your mind. Your brother is not your responsibility. If your father feels the need to ';baby'; him, let him raise him the rest of his life. Spend your life with people who make you feel good about yourself; avoid those who don't. If you cave in this time, it won't end.
If you don't want to deal with it anymore the best thing you can do is to move.Your father favors your brother so there is nothing you can do to change the situation.If you do move out stay in touch with both of them and try and get along but I think the best thing for you is to move out of this situation.
your an adult that's there problem!
I think you are in a very good position to be able to loving teach your brother a lesson about what it means to be an adult, and your father what loving limits/boundaries look like. This would be much more difficult if you could not finiancially move out on your own.
This is how I would handle this:
1. Sit down with your brother (and possibly your dad), and respectfully explain your concerns, and when they make excuses, nicely explain that talk is cheap, he will have to prove himself.
2. Explain that you will be getting an apartment on your own, but that he is welcome to live with you, if he is willing to sign a contract that you have written up. This should be done all with the utmost respect, and not with a tone that conveys that you expect him to screw up. You are going to treat him as an adult, just as if he were moving out on his own and dealing with an apartment manager on his own. We will hope that he makes excellent choices, but will have a CLEAR and AGREED UPON plan if he does not.
3. Contract terms should include the portion of the deposit he needs to come up with BEFORE he can move in with you, even if after you have already moved in. Also his portion of the rent and utilities, when they are due, etc. You may or may not want to make an agreement about parties, alcohol, other substances, etc. in your apartment.
4. You do not want to come across as his landlord- that enters in a dynamic I don't think you want. It should be an agreement that allows either of you to kick out the other if you cross the lines of the agreement, and cannot fix the problem within an agreed upon amount of time.
5. Make sure that your father/parents are aware of the terms, that way if either of you ;) have to come running home because you got kicked out- they will understand why, and will realize that it was that siblings problem completely. This will lessen the blame on the one doing the kicking out.
6. DO NOT try to be your brother's parent/mother. That is one real quick way to destroy your relationship- likely for a decade or two. Just allow him to make adult decisions, and deal with adult consequences. Don't let yourself get out of control, just give him a hug, tell him you care about him, but that he agreed to pay the rent by yesterday... for example :) In the grown-up world, if you get very far behind in rent, you sleep on a park bench.
You could be the catalyst for some real growth in your family. People may be mad initially (if you have to follow through on a breach of contract), but if you do it well and in a loving way, you can likely strengthen relationships.
You may want to offer to attend AA with your brother as well...
Good luck and God Bless.
You shouldn't have to baby-sit your older brother. I simply would not do it. Your life is your own and if they cannot understand that, then it is their problem.
I don't think that would be really an ';healthy living enviorment'; with your brother and such. If you must speak about it with them, then do that, nicely, not in a bad tone, if they do not understand, then it is their problem, not yours, it would not be your fault, if you said it in a nice tone. From the looks of it, you might be better off by yourself.
i kinda know what you are going through im 16 and my brother is 24 he no longer lives with me and my parents but he is an alcholic and i know how you feel my dad has never been there for me ethier and my parents are divorced. The best advice i can think of is talk to him tell him how you feel about him doing that. Tell your dad that hes not a baby anymore and he has to start acting like his father not his friend.Major family problems...I really need some advice. Please?
I would personally sit them down and talk to them about the situation. Maybe they don't know that you feel this way, and surprisingly, having a conversation can help out a lot. If that doesn't help, I think you should do what's best for you. Will living with your brother be hard on you financially, physically, mentally, emotionally? Only you know what your limits are and you should do what you think is best for your own well-being.
stop drinking and tell everyone you dont want to be around people who drink. Throw in a little religion if you need to
You're an adult. Do what you know you need to do and let your family sort it out. I know that's harsh, but it's what you have to do to make your life work out. Your brother sounds like he might be a financial drain on you and that you'll get no help from your Dad. Don't do that to yourself.
If this is causing you stress, then you should definitely move out. I mean, you have the money and your brother should learn how to take care of himself. Have you tried confronting your dad and telling him how he behaves when he's with your brother and how it makes you feel?
Do not move in with your brother. Helping your wayward brother out will only contribute to his irresponsibility. You would be enabling him. You will have a never-ending life taking care of his messes. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or feels about you changing your mind. Your brother is not your responsibility. If your father feels the need to ';baby'; him, let him raise him the rest of his life. Spend your life with people who make you feel good about yourself; avoid those who don't. If you cave in this time, it won't end.
If you don't want to deal with it anymore the best thing you can do is to move.Your father favors your brother so there is nothing you can do to change the situation.If you do move out stay in touch with both of them and try and get along but I think the best thing for you is to move out of this situation.
your an adult that's there problem!
I think you are in a very good position to be able to loving teach your brother a lesson about what it means to be an adult, and your father what loving limits/boundaries look like. This would be much more difficult if you could not finiancially move out on your own.
This is how I would handle this:
1. Sit down with your brother (and possibly your dad), and respectfully explain your concerns, and when they make excuses, nicely explain that talk is cheap, he will have to prove himself.
2. Explain that you will be getting an apartment on your own, but that he is welcome to live with you, if he is willing to sign a contract that you have written up. This should be done all with the utmost respect, and not with a tone that conveys that you expect him to screw up. You are going to treat him as an adult, just as if he were moving out on his own and dealing with an apartment manager on his own. We will hope that he makes excellent choices, but will have a CLEAR and AGREED UPON plan if he does not.
3. Contract terms should include the portion of the deposit he needs to come up with BEFORE he can move in with you, even if after you have already moved in. Also his portion of the rent and utilities, when they are due, etc. You may or may not want to make an agreement about parties, alcohol, other substances, etc. in your apartment.
4. You do not want to come across as his landlord- that enters in a dynamic I don't think you want. It should be an agreement that allows either of you to kick out the other if you cross the lines of the agreement, and cannot fix the problem within an agreed upon amount of time.
5. Make sure that your father/parents are aware of the terms, that way if either of you ;) have to come running home because you got kicked out- they will understand why, and will realize that it was that siblings problem completely. This will lessen the blame on the one doing the kicking out.
6. DO NOT try to be your brother's parent/mother. That is one real quick way to destroy your relationship- likely for a decade or two. Just allow him to make adult decisions, and deal with adult consequences. Don't let yourself get out of control, just give him a hug, tell him you care about him, but that he agreed to pay the rent by yesterday... for example :) In the grown-up world, if you get very far behind in rent, you sleep on a park bench.
You could be the catalyst for some real growth in your family. People may be mad initially (if you have to follow through on a breach of contract), but if you do it well and in a loving way, you can likely strengthen relationships.
You may want to offer to attend AA with your brother as well...
Good luck and God Bless.
You shouldn't have to baby-sit your older brother. I simply would not do it. Your life is your own and if they cannot understand that, then it is their problem.
I don't think that would be really an ';healthy living enviorment'; with your brother and such. If you must speak about it with them, then do that, nicely, not in a bad tone, if they do not understand, then it is their problem, not yours, it would not be your fault, if you said it in a nice tone. From the looks of it, you might be better off by yourself.
Advice on how to deal with my boyfriends family that hates me?
Really, Im a nice person but my boyfriend and I have been together a while and we have been thru alot that his family knows about. They think Im just tryin to ruin him and I am just bad news to him. Him and I are both adults but he knows that if he chooses to be with me then he is also choosing to walk away from his family. It seems theres no talkin to his family. They hate even hearing my name. His mother is in the last stages of breast cancer and the sound of my name serious raises her blood pressure. We really love each other so how can he have me without having so loose his family?Advice on how to deal with my boyfriends family that hates me?
Well, it sounds like there is a long story here. It sounds like you have some responsibility in them not liking you (hating you). It also sounds like there is a serious situation in his family right now and that your relationship to your boyfriend is hurting his family (esp the dying mother). My advise is for you guys to respect his mother and his families wishes at least for now and if you're going to continue to see each other then keep it quiet. No point upsetting them even more in this difficult time. If you guys love each other and are committed to each other then your relationship should survive this. Also, whatever it is you did to piss them off - maybe you should look at that and whether they have a right to feel the way they do. Maybe you need to make some changes or apologies or something... If not, and they're the ones with the problem then, believe me there's nothing you can do to change them. You can't change people. I've learned the hard way. All you can do is accept what is. Good luck.Advice on how to deal with my boyfriends family that hates me?
I know this sounds cold hearted but be patient, his mother is on her way out, it's just a matter of time. Don't ask him to choose between his mother and you. Just be there for him and keep your opinions about his mother to yourself.
If his mother were well and healthy, I would tell you to walk away from the relationship or your life would be very unhappy. After she is gone you can go on with your lives without the drama.
If the other family members don't like you, I would suggest moving to another state, this way they can't be in your business. This is s tough decision that only you and he can make so talk it out together. Good luck.
Do the very best to give him the space he needs to make his family THINK your not together until things blow over with his mom being sick and then...... BAM marry him to show them how much you really love him! Just hang in there the best you can! * If his family still doesn't agree it's their problem!
Well,you can't help love,and if he is in love with you than his family will have to deal with that or nothing,they should make him choose,it doesn't work like that when you are in love,you may be the one he spends his life with,so if he has to walk out on family they will have the lost.
ur not datin his family ur datin him...if they respect him then they will leave it alone
Since the mother is in the last stages of breast cancer she has enough to deal with and there's no need to bring up the relationship while you two continue having it. For the time being keep the two relationships separate and do not make unnecessary issues if not needed. You can't force them to like or accept you. Since you state that you are both adults you should be able to figure out how to keep peace, how to have your relationship away from the family and he still have a relationship with his family esp his mother-were she to die him knowing that you caused her grief may cause problems later-cool it for like I said you can't force your self on them or anyone. If you are truly in love with him and ACT like you have his best interest at heart that in time should become obvious to everyone around you BUT if you continuously cause problems-Well?Perhaps you need to step back and examine yourself and question why they think so badly of you-what did you do or could have done without being aware that caused them to be so against you. If there were,are some factors,although unintentional,change and if then be loving,kind,considerate and do not put him in the middle for that usually in time backfires and not fair to him.
Well, it sounds like there is a long story here. It sounds like you have some responsibility in them not liking you (hating you). It also sounds like there is a serious situation in his family right now and that your relationship to your boyfriend is hurting his family (esp the dying mother). My advise is for you guys to respect his mother and his families wishes at least for now and if you're going to continue to see each other then keep it quiet. No point upsetting them even more in this difficult time. If you guys love each other and are committed to each other then your relationship should survive this. Also, whatever it is you did to piss them off - maybe you should look at that and whether they have a right to feel the way they do. Maybe you need to make some changes or apologies or something... If not, and they're the ones with the problem then, believe me there's nothing you can do to change them. You can't change people. I've learned the hard way. All you can do is accept what is. Good luck.Advice on how to deal with my boyfriends family that hates me?
I know this sounds cold hearted but be patient, his mother is on her way out, it's just a matter of time. Don't ask him to choose between his mother and you. Just be there for him and keep your opinions about his mother to yourself.
If his mother were well and healthy, I would tell you to walk away from the relationship or your life would be very unhappy. After she is gone you can go on with your lives without the drama.
If the other family members don't like you, I would suggest moving to another state, this way they can't be in your business. This is s tough decision that only you and he can make so talk it out together. Good luck.
Do the very best to give him the space he needs to make his family THINK your not together until things blow over with his mom being sick and then...... BAM marry him to show them how much you really love him! Just hang in there the best you can! * If his family still doesn't agree it's their problem!
Well,you can't help love,and if he is in love with you than his family will have to deal with that or nothing,they should make him choose,it doesn't work like that when you are in love,you may be the one he spends his life with,so if he has to walk out on family they will have the lost.
ur not datin his family ur datin him...if they respect him then they will leave it alone
Since the mother is in the last stages of breast cancer she has enough to deal with and there's no need to bring up the relationship while you two continue having it. For the time being keep the two relationships separate and do not make unnecessary issues if not needed. You can't force them to like or accept you. Since you state that you are both adults you should be able to figure out how to keep peace, how to have your relationship away from the family and he still have a relationship with his family esp his mother-were she to die him knowing that you caused her grief may cause problems later-cool it for like I said you can't force your self on them or anyone. If you are truly in love with him and ACT like you have his best interest at heart that in time should become obvious to everyone around you BUT if you continuously cause problems-Well?Perhaps you need to step back and examine yourself and question why they think so badly of you-what did you do or could have done without being aware that caused them to be so against you. If there were,are some factors,although unintentional,change and if then be loving,kind,considerate and do not put him in the middle for that usually in time backfires and not fair to him.
Stressful Family problems. Can someone give me advice?
I turned 18 a few weeks ago and I am an Alumni, C/o '09..I'm more stressed out than I should be. Usually for average teens, they only things they should be stressed about is getting a job and going to college. I'm really stressed out and I feel like I have no one to turn to, especially since it is after 3am here. I got some money from graduation but my parents told me if I wanted or needed something to use my own money, mind you I don't have a job yet, and it's really hard to find one. Then within these couple of weeks my little sister who is 13, acts like a smart a**. The other day, I was out with my boyfriend and I have to come in at 9pm. My dad is away on a business trip but he doesn't mind if I come home after 9pm as long as it's before 10. My mom's friend is over and she sees that I come home late, so she says ';JUST BECAUSE YOUR FATHER ISN'T HOME DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HIM AND COME HOME 25 MINUTES LATE.'; she doesn't even get a chance to let my mom talk to me. Then here goes my sister saying ';you know u should come home after 9pm';...
Then earlier, I was doing my mom's hair, My mom is very tender headed, so it was kinda hurting her but she didn't tell me to stop doing her hair. Here goes my sister again getting smart saying ';that means stop doing her hair, it hurts her'; and im like ';okay'; then shes like ';dont get smart, im just telling u'; so then we get into a childish argument just because she thinks im being smart. So she grabs my neck and tries to choke me, of course I react in self defense and grab her neck as well, but she doesn't seem to let go, so i start punching her in her face and her head. so my mom breaks us apart. My sister tells me to just go die and kill myself....Now I look like a bad guy just because she got a scratch mark on her neck when it was her that attacked me first....I am moving in with my boyfriend, his sister, and her fiance soon but I really want to get out now. I have a feeling that If I don't things are going to get worse for me, and they might actually put me in jail just because of my sister...I can't move in with my boyfriend until he gets a job...
Sorry this was pretty long but I need advice. Please help. Best answer = 10ptsStressful Family problems. Can someone give me advice?
Your sister is bullying you and you are allowing it....and what's wrong with your mother? doesn't she discipline your sister or what?
i think your first course of action might be to set some personal boundaries and limits with others.
as for your mother's friend, well, she's a busy body and sticks her nose in where it doesn't belong -- very common behavior, and a good example of ';how not to act';.
next time your sister attacks you, deck her! Put her on the ground and hold her down... let her know this is the last time she tries this crap because you're done. I'm sure that, at 18, you're stronger than her... so put her on the floor, and hold her there. don't let her up until she promises to stay out of your personal space.Stressful Family problems. Can someone give me advice?
alot of people actullay go thru this **** like my bro left to leive with his real dad then some odd years later me and my dad get into a fist fight then i break a 10 year olds tooth i was 12 cuz he did something to piss me off theyre not all related but if u piece them together then are kinda the same as ur story. my suggestion is a stress toy squeeze the living **** outta it if you want it helps i think never used it i just got over it ..
well first off with ur moms friend making those comments i would have gotten in a laugh line like Reagan and with regard to your sister just shake it off pretend it doesn't bother you even think of something funny and laugh at her
wow this is a tough situation. well first of all, dont mind your sister. youre 18 and shes 13, you gotta act more mature than her. if she hits ou then just walk away, dont get caught up in her traps, i know its really hard, i have experience with my 11 year old brother. as for coming in on your curfew, i think you should talk to your moms friend, in a respectfful way and say that you are allowed to come a bit late as long as its before 9. its hard finding a job these days so dont be so rushed to move out just yet. you just have to try to not have so much contact with your sister, whether if its finding a sport to do or helping out in your community or church, whatever gets you away from getting in trouble at home. find things to keep you busy. hope it helps! goodluck
Then earlier, I was doing my mom's hair, My mom is very tender headed, so it was kinda hurting her but she didn't tell me to stop doing her hair. Here goes my sister again getting smart saying ';that means stop doing her hair, it hurts her'; and im like ';okay'; then shes like ';dont get smart, im just telling u'; so then we get into a childish argument just because she thinks im being smart. So she grabs my neck and tries to choke me, of course I react in self defense and grab her neck as well, but she doesn't seem to let go, so i start punching her in her face and her head. so my mom breaks us apart. My sister tells me to just go die and kill myself....Now I look like a bad guy just because she got a scratch mark on her neck when it was her that attacked me first....I am moving in with my boyfriend, his sister, and her fiance soon but I really want to get out now. I have a feeling that If I don't things are going to get worse for me, and they might actually put me in jail just because of my sister...I can't move in with my boyfriend until he gets a job...
Sorry this was pretty long but I need advice. Please help. Best answer = 10ptsStressful Family problems. Can someone give me advice?
Your sister is bullying you and you are allowing it....and what's wrong with your mother? doesn't she discipline your sister or what?
i think your first course of action might be to set some personal boundaries and limits with others.
as for your mother's friend, well, she's a busy body and sticks her nose in where it doesn't belong -- very common behavior, and a good example of ';how not to act';.
next time your sister attacks you, deck her! Put her on the ground and hold her down... let her know this is the last time she tries this crap because you're done. I'm sure that, at 18, you're stronger than her... so put her on the floor, and hold her there. don't let her up until she promises to stay out of your personal space.Stressful Family problems. Can someone give me advice?
alot of people actullay go thru this **** like my bro left to leive with his real dad then some odd years later me and my dad get into a fist fight then i break a 10 year olds tooth i was 12 cuz he did something to piss me off theyre not all related but if u piece them together then are kinda the same as ur story. my suggestion is a stress toy squeeze the living **** outta it if you want it helps i think never used it i just got over it ..
well first off with ur moms friend making those comments i would have gotten in a laugh line like Reagan and with regard to your sister just shake it off pretend it doesn't bother you even think of something funny and laugh at her
wow this is a tough situation. well first of all, dont mind your sister. youre 18 and shes 13, you gotta act more mature than her. if she hits ou then just walk away, dont get caught up in her traps, i know its really hard, i have experience with my 11 year old brother. as for coming in on your curfew, i think you should talk to your moms friend, in a respectfful way and say that you are allowed to come a bit late as long as its before 9. its hard finding a job these days so dont be so rushed to move out just yet. you just have to try to not have so much contact with your sister, whether if its finding a sport to do or helping out in your community or church, whatever gets you away from getting in trouble at home. find things to keep you busy. hope it helps! goodluck
I'm looking for a room in a flat of a japan family in tokyo for 10 days. Any advices ?
I imagine some japan families rent rooms... Do you know a web page where I can find those kind of lodging ?I'm looking for a room in a flat of a japan family in tokyo for 10 days. Any advices ?
鈾n the event that you can't find a room with a Japanese family as you'd like, take a look at this English site:
http://www.kimiwillbe.com/accomo.htm
You may find something suitable.
You may also want to try the weekly/monthly mansions.
(Many of the pages are only in Japanese, sorry.)
http://www.tmb.co.jp/~kurumi/eigo.html
Hope this helps and have a great time here in Tokyo.鈾?br>
鈽員ake a look here for the info in other languages too, it may help you.
http://www.kurumi-mansion.com/
Also, check this site:
http://www.tokyo-ih.jp/en/index.htmlI'm looking for a room in a flat of a japan family in tokyo for 10 days. Any advices ?
Tokyo apartments are so incredibly small, you won`t be able to get your own room at all. Generally speaking, all Japanese apartments are small. You probably won`t get a room anywhere, if you want privacy. Look online for homestays. You might have some luck but I highly doubt it.
鈾n the event that you can't find a room with a Japanese family as you'd like, take a look at this English site:
http://www.kimiwillbe.com/accomo.htm
You may find something suitable.
You may also want to try the weekly/monthly mansions.
(Many of the pages are only in Japanese, sorry.)
http://www.tmb.co.jp/~kurumi/eigo.html
Hope this helps and have a great time here in Tokyo.鈾?br>
鈽員ake a look here for the info in other languages too, it may help you.
http://www.kurumi-mansion.com/
Also, check this site:
http://www.tokyo-ih.jp/en/index.htmlI'm looking for a room in a flat of a japan family in tokyo for 10 days. Any advices ?
Tokyo apartments are so incredibly small, you won`t be able to get your own room at all. Generally speaking, all Japanese apartments are small. You probably won`t get a room anywhere, if you want privacy. Look online for homestays. You might have some luck but I highly doubt it.
My family wants to get a dog. advice please?
My family is thinking about getting a dog, do you think this is right for us?
We are a family of five, my mom, forty, my sister, eleven, my brothe, nine, and me, fifteen. We recently went through a nasty divorce and are enjoying new freedoms, so my mom thought it would be nice to get a dog. We own our reasonably-sized single-family home with a large fenced yard. My siblings and I go to school and my mom works as a teacher. There isn't anyone home during the day, but the dog would get lots of attention after school. We are an active famlily and love to hike and camp. None of us are afraid of dogs. We would like a larger dog. Our grandparents have a house on a lake, so our dog could swim with us. We're prepared to go for walks, even the groomer is nessesary. One more thing, my mom also thinks a dog would be a good idea for protection (like barking if anyone comes near the house, and basicly just looking formitable) lots of our friends have dogs, including our next door neighbor, who we are very close with. He has a larger dog and they could even have play dates during the day. This will be our first dog.
Well, what do you think? Is our lifestyle ready for a dog? Also, what breed of dog would be good for us to get?male of female? Puppy or adult?
Thanks for your advice. We want to have lots of opinions because we understand the impact a dog will have on our lives.My family wants to get a dog. advice please?
hi,
to know what type of dog will suit you, you can use this dog finder match up http://dogtime.com/matchup/start
the goal here is to help you figure out what type of dog best suits your personality and lifestyle. The results of the match up will suggest certain breeds.
hope this helpsMy family wants to get a dog. advice please?
An adult dog. Have the dog indoors when people can't be outside with it to supervise. Maybe once you get used to one dog, you could have two so the dog isn't lonely during the day.
Get one from a shelter and save a life.
http://petfinder.com/
I have rescued four of my five dogs. All have been wonderful. My other dog was given to us as a puppy, and as God is my witness, I'll never get a puppy again if I can help it. Adults are much easier to train.
Don't buy from a pet store.
http://stoppuppymills.org/ http://saynotopetstorepuppies.com/ http://millbusters.com/
As for snappiness, that knows no gender. My male I have now is more vocal than any of my dogs, even my female that I have now.
Dogs are great you should really get one! But you have to know it is a lot of hard work. Getting its food everyday, brushing it, (if it even has fur) walking it, playing with it, but that's up to you! You should get a bichon or a multese, a girl, and of course a puppy! You wouldn't want an adult becuase adults don't live longer! Get a puppy so you can have it for a long time before it dies.
Get a Whippet or a Dalmatian.
Both are awesome athletic dogs that are very family orientated.
http://www.akc.org/breeds/whippet/index.鈥?/a>
http://www.akc.org/breeds/dalmatian/
At first look I want to yell ';HUSKY!!!'; because you seem to be very willing to be very active with your dog. Of course, they do love to escape (from any yard really) and you can not really let them run off the leash for a long time (we are lucky after only 7 months with us we can let him off the leash), but they are great family pets, love everyone they meet, mainly children. However, they are strong and made for pulling and running, so for the smaller children it could be very hard to walk the dog. A Collie is a wonderful pet for a family, loyal, easy to train (most of the time), a great playmate and protector the same goes for Labrador and Retriever.
However, straight from the heart I would say why don't you all together go to one of the shelters and see what you find there, maybe beforehand do an online search and see what is out there, even on craiglist you often find a lot of great dogs. Since the dog would be alone in the morning you should decide on one that is already house-trained or wait until spring break, so you can potty-train a puppy (of course it might take a bit longer than spring break..)
Also the fact of allergies can come into play, check if you and your siblings might be allergic, then you should go for a breed like terriers, poodles, spaniels.
Whichever your family will decide, I wish you lots of fun and good luck! In the end you will find the right dog.
a german shepard or a golden retriever, good luck!
Dont get a puppy. Get an adlut dog. Get a dog that is at least over a year old. Puppies are a HUGE responsibility. If you get a newborn puppy get ready for crying and barking at night. Poop on the carpets, and you have to always be watching it to make sure it doesnt get stuck behind something or fall. Probably Male. Because females are known to be kind of snappy more of the time. And the breed is up to you. I have a Collie. And i love him to death. Hes wonderful with children and is a great dog.
Definitely an adult - puppies need lots of time and training, as well as bathroom breaks, which you wouldn't be able to provide if you guys aren't home much during the day.
Since you guys seem to be open to anything, i would take a trip to your local shelter and look around. If you see a dog you like, ask the workers if they could guess the dog's breed(s) - then go home and research it.
Remember with a mix they can inherit any, all, or none of what they are mixed with! But researching will at least give you an idea of what you can expect! Keep these few things in mind:
Size, energy level, exercise needs, general temperament, grooming needs, shedding/nonshedding, trainability, intelligence.
For a first time dog owning family, i would stick to ';simple breeds.'; Stay away from the powerful working dogs - they tend to need more training, exercise, and socialization to prevent behavior problems.
Some of these dogs include Rottweilers, Doberman Pinschers, Mastiffs, and PitBull type dogs. If the family THINKS they can handle any of these dogs and you're willing to bring in a trainer for help... then go for it. Just be warned...
Also keep this in mind: the main caregiver and the person who WALKS the dog (or handles the dog in public) should be able to physically control the untrained dog. You wouldn't hand the leash of a 120 lb Great Dane to a kid who weighs only 80 lbs, or to an elderly woman with back problems.
say no to pitbulls!!
sounds like you need an large-ish, energetic breed that is pretty easy going. how about a boxer? they may not be the prettiest dogs in the world but are so loving, and sound gr8 for you. they are ready to play when you are and often give a small warning bark.
Labradors are gr8 too. they are very smart aswell. i would suggest an adult dog ar one over 2 years. Females are generally more easy going but i dont think either gender is particularly different. i have a female jack russell terrier puppy. she is totally mad but is gorgey all the same. my mum is at home most of the day at the mo tho.
before you search for breeders or anything, go down to your local shelter and have a look at all the dogs, big and small and see who come up to you and you may fall in love with a chiuauaua. have fun with youre new dog
x
You guys sound ready for a dog! I would suggest a lab for you, they are big and love to swim. Plus they love being involved with the family and are great with kids.
I think a dog would be a great addition! I think it would be a really fun experience for your family to rescue a young adult dog. You could all go to the shelter together and see if there's a special one that just seems as though it's been waiting for you all along. I say adult because there is no one to be home to supervise for the majority of the day, so a puppy might be difficult. If you do decide to get a puppy, I would suggest thoroughly educating yourselves first, and getting it at the start of the summer when you're out of school. That way the puppy wont be alone during those first crucial months of his life. Training a puppy is much harder when you're not there to teach him right from wrong in the beginning.
As for a breed...I have a golden retriever and I would recommend this breed to just about everyone! This breed is great for outdoorsy people because they LOVE the outdoors. However, he's a terrible watchdog, no one is a stranger to him:)
He is a male, and I personally like males (neutered males, that is) better, but most people say the sex doesn't matter. In my experience females have been more needy and jealous. But that's just my experience.
That's all the advice I have :)
It does sound like your lifestyle would be suited for a dog...as long as they are getting plenty of attention. As for the type of dog, it depends on what qualities you are looking for you can watch DOGS 101 (I think it comes on animal planet) and it will give in depth descriptions of different breeds of dogs as well as the pros and cons of owning each breed. As far as what sex to get I am partial to males myself, but females tend to have more of the motherly instinct about them. I would deffinately suggest getting a young dog, between 4 months and a year. I only suggest this because you said that your neighbor has a dog and it is a lot easier to introduce a young dog to new dogs than it is to introduce adults. But with you guys only being home in the morning and the afternoon it would be difficult to house train your dog. Hope this helps!!
i think you guys sound in need of a good dog. i would suggest getting a great dane, big, good watch dog but gentle giants. and couch potatoish so not overly hyper
http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/search.htm
We are a family of five, my mom, forty, my sister, eleven, my brothe, nine, and me, fifteen. We recently went through a nasty divorce and are enjoying new freedoms, so my mom thought it would be nice to get a dog. We own our reasonably-sized single-family home with a large fenced yard. My siblings and I go to school and my mom works as a teacher. There isn't anyone home during the day, but the dog would get lots of attention after school. We are an active famlily and love to hike and camp. None of us are afraid of dogs. We would like a larger dog. Our grandparents have a house on a lake, so our dog could swim with us. We're prepared to go for walks, even the groomer is nessesary. One more thing, my mom also thinks a dog would be a good idea for protection (like barking if anyone comes near the house, and basicly just looking formitable) lots of our friends have dogs, including our next door neighbor, who we are very close with. He has a larger dog and they could even have play dates during the day. This will be our first dog.
Well, what do you think? Is our lifestyle ready for a dog? Also, what breed of dog would be good for us to get?male of female? Puppy or adult?
Thanks for your advice. We want to have lots of opinions because we understand the impact a dog will have on our lives.My family wants to get a dog. advice please?
hi,
to know what type of dog will suit you, you can use this dog finder match up http://dogtime.com/matchup/start
the goal here is to help you figure out what type of dog best suits your personality and lifestyle. The results of the match up will suggest certain breeds.
hope this helpsMy family wants to get a dog. advice please?
An adult dog. Have the dog indoors when people can't be outside with it to supervise. Maybe once you get used to one dog, you could have two so the dog isn't lonely during the day.
Get one from a shelter and save a life.
http://petfinder.com/
I have rescued four of my five dogs. All have been wonderful. My other dog was given to us as a puppy, and as God is my witness, I'll never get a puppy again if I can help it. Adults are much easier to train.
Don't buy from a pet store.
http://stoppuppymills.org/ http://saynotopetstorepuppies.com/ http://millbusters.com/
As for snappiness, that knows no gender. My male I have now is more vocal than any of my dogs, even my female that I have now.
Dogs are great you should really get one! But you have to know it is a lot of hard work. Getting its food everyday, brushing it, (if it even has fur) walking it, playing with it, but that's up to you! You should get a bichon or a multese, a girl, and of course a puppy! You wouldn't want an adult becuase adults don't live longer! Get a puppy so you can have it for a long time before it dies.
Get a Whippet or a Dalmatian.
Both are awesome athletic dogs that are very family orientated.
http://www.akc.org/breeds/whippet/index.鈥?/a>
http://www.akc.org/breeds/dalmatian/
At first look I want to yell ';HUSKY!!!'; because you seem to be very willing to be very active with your dog. Of course, they do love to escape (from any yard really) and you can not really let them run off the leash for a long time (we are lucky after only 7 months with us we can let him off the leash), but they are great family pets, love everyone they meet, mainly children. However, they are strong and made for pulling and running, so for the smaller children it could be very hard to walk the dog. A Collie is a wonderful pet for a family, loyal, easy to train (most of the time), a great playmate and protector the same goes for Labrador and Retriever.
However, straight from the heart I would say why don't you all together go to one of the shelters and see what you find there, maybe beforehand do an online search and see what is out there, even on craiglist you often find a lot of great dogs. Since the dog would be alone in the morning you should decide on one that is already house-trained or wait until spring break, so you can potty-train a puppy (of course it might take a bit longer than spring break..)
Also the fact of allergies can come into play, check if you and your siblings might be allergic, then you should go for a breed like terriers, poodles, spaniels.
Whichever your family will decide, I wish you lots of fun and good luck! In the end you will find the right dog.
a german shepard or a golden retriever, good luck!
Dont get a puppy. Get an adlut dog. Get a dog that is at least over a year old. Puppies are a HUGE responsibility. If you get a newborn puppy get ready for crying and barking at night. Poop on the carpets, and you have to always be watching it to make sure it doesnt get stuck behind something or fall. Probably Male. Because females are known to be kind of snappy more of the time. And the breed is up to you. I have a Collie. And i love him to death. Hes wonderful with children and is a great dog.
Definitely an adult - puppies need lots of time and training, as well as bathroom breaks, which you wouldn't be able to provide if you guys aren't home much during the day.
Since you guys seem to be open to anything, i would take a trip to your local shelter and look around. If you see a dog you like, ask the workers if they could guess the dog's breed(s) - then go home and research it.
Remember with a mix they can inherit any, all, or none of what they are mixed with! But researching will at least give you an idea of what you can expect! Keep these few things in mind:
Size, energy level, exercise needs, general temperament, grooming needs, shedding/nonshedding, trainability, intelligence.
For a first time dog owning family, i would stick to ';simple breeds.'; Stay away from the powerful working dogs - they tend to need more training, exercise, and socialization to prevent behavior problems.
Some of these dogs include Rottweilers, Doberman Pinschers, Mastiffs, and PitBull type dogs. If the family THINKS they can handle any of these dogs and you're willing to bring in a trainer for help... then go for it. Just be warned...
Also keep this in mind: the main caregiver and the person who WALKS the dog (or handles the dog in public) should be able to physically control the untrained dog. You wouldn't hand the leash of a 120 lb Great Dane to a kid who weighs only 80 lbs, or to an elderly woman with back problems.
say no to pitbulls!!
sounds like you need an large-ish, energetic breed that is pretty easy going. how about a boxer? they may not be the prettiest dogs in the world but are so loving, and sound gr8 for you. they are ready to play when you are and often give a small warning bark.
Labradors are gr8 too. they are very smart aswell. i would suggest an adult dog ar one over 2 years. Females are generally more easy going but i dont think either gender is particularly different. i have a female jack russell terrier puppy. she is totally mad but is gorgey all the same. my mum is at home most of the day at the mo tho.
before you search for breeders or anything, go down to your local shelter and have a look at all the dogs, big and small and see who come up to you and you may fall in love with a chiuauaua. have fun with youre new dog
x
You guys sound ready for a dog! I would suggest a lab for you, they are big and love to swim. Plus they love being involved with the family and are great with kids.
I think a dog would be a great addition! I think it would be a really fun experience for your family to rescue a young adult dog. You could all go to the shelter together and see if there's a special one that just seems as though it's been waiting for you all along. I say adult because there is no one to be home to supervise for the majority of the day, so a puppy might be difficult. If you do decide to get a puppy, I would suggest thoroughly educating yourselves first, and getting it at the start of the summer when you're out of school. That way the puppy wont be alone during those first crucial months of his life. Training a puppy is much harder when you're not there to teach him right from wrong in the beginning.
As for a breed...I have a golden retriever and I would recommend this breed to just about everyone! This breed is great for outdoorsy people because they LOVE the outdoors. However, he's a terrible watchdog, no one is a stranger to him:)
He is a male, and I personally like males (neutered males, that is) better, but most people say the sex doesn't matter. In my experience females have been more needy and jealous. But that's just my experience.
That's all the advice I have :)
It does sound like your lifestyle would be suited for a dog...as long as they are getting plenty of attention. As for the type of dog, it depends on what qualities you are looking for you can watch DOGS 101 (I think it comes on animal planet) and it will give in depth descriptions of different breeds of dogs as well as the pros and cons of owning each breed. As far as what sex to get I am partial to males myself, but females tend to have more of the motherly instinct about them. I would deffinately suggest getting a young dog, between 4 months and a year. I only suggest this because you said that your neighbor has a dog and it is a lot easier to introduce a young dog to new dogs than it is to introduce adults. But with you guys only being home in the morning and the afternoon it would be difficult to house train your dog. Hope this helps!!
i think you guys sound in need of a good dog. i would suggest getting a great dane, big, good watch dog but gentle giants. and couch potatoish so not overly hyper
http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/search.htm
My boyfriend is taking me 2 meet his family...can u gibe me some advice??plz?
ive just met my boyfriends parents about 4 weeks ago and now tommorow he is taking me 2 his family's bbq...im a shy person n am a lil nervus about meeting the rest of his family....does anybody have any advice for me?My boyfriend is taking me 2 meet his family...can u gibe me some advice??plz?
Hey, madly-in-love! Love you name!
So cool to see someone in love....and , don't worry at all....Don't worry about what they think about you. Just put your best foot forward, and there is nothing wrong with being in love, or shy. You are shy. Cool. So are lots of us out there.
Be you, relax and wear what makes you feel good.
The love part is the important part.
Have a wonderful time of it. and Mom's love to recieve small bouquets of fresh flowers to say thank you! A European custom, but one I love to use. People really, really appreciate this thoughtful act! If your budget is small, buy a small flower and make a card just saying 'thank you',
they love you, I am sure.
luv AvaMy boyfriend is taking me 2 meet his family...can u gibe me some advice??plz?
Be friendly and act like you have known them for awhile. It helps you feel a little more comfortable. If you really like this guy, you will go the lengths to make him happy and proud to have you as his lady. You expect the same and no less.
OR Pretend you are married...you have to do the same thing and smile a lot.
Feel free the house is yours,dress quit and smart.Don't tossup.
1. Your boyfriend needs to be supportive and understanding that meeting his family for the first time, can be a nervous time for you.
2. Speak to your boyfriend before you get to the event and let him know that he is not to leave your side to be with other people, since you dont know these people.
You also may need your boyfriend to help usher you away from someone that wants to monopolize your time and talk your ear off.
3. Agree with your boyfriend to arrive about 30 minutes after the start time so that you are not the first ones there. Also agree to leave as the first guest begin to leave. This helps to take some of the sting out of the event.
4. Smile alot.
5. Apologize alot that you dont remember everybodys name.
6. If someone wants to hug you when their introduced to you, just go with it. Grin and bear it.
7. Thank the host for inviting you.
be nice think about talk to them or answer they question good luck
Be yourself. Be polite and well-mannered but other than that being yourself is the best idea and relax and try to have fun.
Just be natural and polite.Don't be ashamed of them.Show your respect but don't be to reserved.You know, people like warm people, full with enthusiasm.Best wishes:)
try to relax the best you can and don't worry about it so much, that only makes it worse too. just be yourself, that's who your boyfriend likes...you, so just be you. and, i'm sure that they will like you too!
Don't try to impress anyone. Be yourself.
Be yourself. Obviously your boyfriend cares about you and feels strongly enough to have you meet his family. I'm sure you're nervous but you should also be very happy!!!
Yep, be yourself. I know that's sometimes hard! Overall, though, use common sense: don't dress overly provacatively, don't curse a lot (if at all), be polite, smile, say nice things about some of the food that's being served that you like... just try to have a good time :) You already met his parents, that's usually the toughest!eye color
Hey, madly-in-love! Love you name!
So cool to see someone in love....and , don't worry at all....Don't worry about what they think about you. Just put your best foot forward, and there is nothing wrong with being in love, or shy. You are shy. Cool. So are lots of us out there.
Be you, relax and wear what makes you feel good.
The love part is the important part.
Have a wonderful time of it. and Mom's love to recieve small bouquets of fresh flowers to say thank you! A European custom, but one I love to use. People really, really appreciate this thoughtful act! If your budget is small, buy a small flower and make a card just saying 'thank you',
they love you, I am sure.
luv AvaMy boyfriend is taking me 2 meet his family...can u gibe me some advice??plz?
Be friendly and act like you have known them for awhile. It helps you feel a little more comfortable. If you really like this guy, you will go the lengths to make him happy and proud to have you as his lady. You expect the same and no less.
OR Pretend you are married...you have to do the same thing and smile a lot.
Feel free the house is yours,dress quit and smart.Don't tossup.
1. Your boyfriend needs to be supportive and understanding that meeting his family for the first time, can be a nervous time for you.
2. Speak to your boyfriend before you get to the event and let him know that he is not to leave your side to be with other people, since you dont know these people.
You also may need your boyfriend to help usher you away from someone that wants to monopolize your time and talk your ear off.
3. Agree with your boyfriend to arrive about 30 minutes after the start time so that you are not the first ones there. Also agree to leave as the first guest begin to leave. This helps to take some of the sting out of the event.
4. Smile alot.
5. Apologize alot that you dont remember everybodys name.
6. If someone wants to hug you when their introduced to you, just go with it. Grin and bear it.
7. Thank the host for inviting you.
be nice think about talk to them or answer they question good luck
Be yourself. Be polite and well-mannered but other than that being yourself is the best idea and relax and try to have fun.
Just be natural and polite.Don't be ashamed of them.Show your respect but don't be to reserved.You know, people like warm people, full with enthusiasm.Best wishes:)
try to relax the best you can and don't worry about it so much, that only makes it worse too. just be yourself, that's who your boyfriend likes...you, so just be you. and, i'm sure that they will like you too!
Don't try to impress anyone. Be yourself.
Be yourself. Obviously your boyfriend cares about you and feels strongly enough to have you meet his family. I'm sure you're nervous but you should also be very happy!!!
Yep, be yourself. I know that's sometimes hard! Overall, though, use common sense: don't dress overly provacatively, don't curse a lot (if at all), be polite, smile, say nice things about some of the food that's being served that you like... just try to have a good time :) You already met his parents, that's usually the toughest!
I would like to get a legal advice in the field of family law?
To whom it may concern:
I am writing to you because I have got an issue here and I wonder if you could help me.
I and my husband are both Lithuanian Nationals, however, we both live in UK for more than 5 years. We got married last year and I moved to his property since our marriage.
Furhermore, he is paying mortgage, counciltax and all bills and I am not paying for anything except food, furniture or any other minor expenses.
At the moment I am not working as I am looking after our infant who is three months old.
Also, my husband has a son from his first marriage, who lives in Lithuania with my husband ex wife's parents.
Recently, I recieved an information that makes me a little worried. When (5 years ago) my husband was buying this house I am living in now, he actually assigned it to his son from the first marriage as from the minute if something is going to happen to my husband.
Hence there is such strange situation and I am worried that if something is going to happen, for instance death or divorce, I am going to be left on the street with my little baby as the house might belong to his son from the first marriage who is now 15 years old.
Tell me please, is there any possibility that I am not going to be left on the street and maybe I and my baby will be eligible somehow for this house even if my husband is paying for everything solely?
Thank you very much.I would like to get a legal advice in the field of family law?
I think it would be a good idea
to go and see your local
Citizens Advice Bureaux
they will be able to tell you all you need to know
and if they can't they will point you in the right direction to someone who can
I am writing to you because I have got an issue here and I wonder if you could help me.
I and my husband are both Lithuanian Nationals, however, we both live in UK for more than 5 years. We got married last year and I moved to his property since our marriage.
Furhermore, he is paying mortgage, counciltax and all bills and I am not paying for anything except food, furniture or any other minor expenses.
At the moment I am not working as I am looking after our infant who is three months old.
Also, my husband has a son from his first marriage, who lives in Lithuania with my husband ex wife's parents.
Recently, I recieved an information that makes me a little worried. When (5 years ago) my husband was buying this house I am living in now, he actually assigned it to his son from the first marriage as from the minute if something is going to happen to my husband.
Hence there is such strange situation and I am worried that if something is going to happen, for instance death or divorce, I am going to be left on the street with my little baby as the house might belong to his son from the first marriage who is now 15 years old.
Tell me please, is there any possibility that I am not going to be left on the street and maybe I and my baby will be eligible somehow for this house even if my husband is paying for everything solely?
Thank you very much.I would like to get a legal advice in the field of family law?
I think it would be a good idea
to go and see your local
Citizens Advice Bureaux
they will be able to tell you all you need to know
and if they can't they will point you in the right direction to someone who can
Serious Advice Wanted...We plan to begin a family..is it ok if i take a break from work and stay home..?
coz she's got a better job than mine..and it pays better...we are in deliemmaSerious Advice Wanted...We plan to begin a family..is it ok if i take a break from work and stay home..?
If you mean to take care of the kid depending on what you make that might actually be a good thing. Daycare is RIDICULOUSLY expensive and if you can't at least be in the black after you pay for daycare and account for the extra travel time/gas then staying at home could be a blessing. My boyfriend's twin stays home with his kids. He does a little work from home but not a WHOLE lot with six kids running around all day.Serious Advice Wanted...We plan to begin a family..is it ok if i take a break from work and stay home..?
When my grandson was in preschool there were 2 stay at home dads in the class. I thought they both did a great job. One with 2 kids and the other with 3. They did all the things that the moms did with the kids. You go Dad!!!!!
if that can work for your family then do it. I have always thought that if one parent can stay home they should. i think kids deserve to have full time parents. I know not everyone can do it so if you can great. If you can't then don't.
Now a'days men are able to go on maternity leave, so I don't see why not.
If that is what you want to do, why do you need someone to tell you it is ';OK'; and who? You have to trust your own instincts.
do what you and her think is best you the two of you
If you mean to take care of the kid depending on what you make that might actually be a good thing. Daycare is RIDICULOUSLY expensive and if you can't at least be in the black after you pay for daycare and account for the extra travel time/gas then staying at home could be a blessing. My boyfriend's twin stays home with his kids. He does a little work from home but not a WHOLE lot with six kids running around all day.Serious Advice Wanted...We plan to begin a family..is it ok if i take a break from work and stay home..?
When my grandson was in preschool there were 2 stay at home dads in the class. I thought they both did a great job. One with 2 kids and the other with 3. They did all the things that the moms did with the kids. You go Dad!!!!!
if that can work for your family then do it. I have always thought that if one parent can stay home they should. i think kids deserve to have full time parents. I know not everyone can do it so if you can great. If you can't then don't.
Now a'days men are able to go on maternity leave, so I don't see why not.
If that is what you want to do, why do you need someone to tell you it is ';OK'; and who? You have to trust your own instincts.
do what you and her think is best you the two of you
Where can I get free online legal advice for teens in difficult family situations?
My friend lives with her mother and step-father. She does all of the cooking, cleaning, and work around the house. She has to buy her clothes and food for herself out of money she gets from babysitting. They will not allow her to get a real job until she gets her license, but they also expect her to pay for her license. She cannot get the money for the license unless she gets a job, so this presents a problem. Also, she goes to BOCES, a program which focuses on teaching specific trades to students who are not necessarily going to college. However, she wants to go to college to become a chef. Her family tells her that she will amount to nothing, and that she will never get into college. They want her to stay home and do the work at the house, without pursuing a career. I want to know where to find free legal advice on what she can do to help herself, like emancipation, or social services.Where can I get free online legal advice for teens in difficult family situations?
Lawguru.com
they have actual lawyers in your area answer your questions, ive used it a bunch of times.Where can I get free online legal advice for teens in difficult family situations?
If you live in the US, nothing you stated would constitute removal by social services or granting of emancipation. But when she turns 18 she can move out and start college.
Lawguru.com
they have actual lawyers in your area answer your questions, ive used it a bunch of times.Where can I get free online legal advice for teens in difficult family situations?
If you live in the US, nothing you stated would constitute removal by social services or granting of emancipation. But when she turns 18 she can move out and start college.
Family Situation... Father Does Drugs. Need advice?
Late last year I discovered my father smoked marijuana, as there was always a strange smell in the bathroom after he had been in there. He used to joke it was just his own scent, and when he finally admitted that he ';smoked a little bit of dope'; (his words not mine) I broke down. I don't condone drugs at all, hell I don't even drink or smoke. He could be using a number of drugs for all I know. But the smell is becoming more frequent, so I know exactly when he does it. It's obvious that it affects him, as he is overly talkative afterwards, something he never is. Also, he and my mother are alcoholics, and drink themselves to passing out on the couch almost every night, then forget many things they've said or done the night before. It also makes them overly angry and my mother especially, emotional. It's a roller coaster living in this house and I can't handle it anymore. I'm 18 years old, just finished year 12, and currently looking for work, but with this financial crisis it's so hard to find a job. I can't move out at the moment, as I don't have enough money. I don't know what I can do to survive, as I am constantly being abused (only verbally) every second of the day for not having a job and for being a freeloader although I pay board and help out around the house. I can't live with my friends, and I don't think my grandparents want anyone moving in; my parents tell them that I'm horribly behaved when I'm not and they pretty much have them brainwashed. Does anyone have any advice? Please, no flamers, I am being deadly serious with this question.Family Situation... Father Does Drugs. Need advice?
i can totally empathize. i was in a similar situation several years ago with my father as well.
when you dad isn't high, and neither of your parents are drunk, get them to stop what they're doing and have a serious talk with them. let them know how this is affecting you. if that doesn't work, and if you are really desperate, you can do what my brother was thinking about doing after he dropped out of college: joining the National Guard.Family Situation... Father Does Drugs. Need advice?
i feel so bad for you, u know, u should confide in your parents and tell them what they are doing is wrong. if they don't listen, then just move to your granparents! tell them what ur parents are doing! and if they love you they will give you a place to stay at least for a little while. and about the dad smoking majuanna thing.. yea.. i am so disgusted that people do that but, if anything goes wrong, and he responds in a phisical way to youre, needs, and whatever.. its simple... just dial 9...1....1!!!!!!! i have had a grandpa smoke maruanna but he died. i wish best of luck and hopefully all of the advice you get works.
If you really are DESPERATE joing the National Guard. They will pay for your tuition and in addition give you $600 a month to live plus what you get for going that ONCE a month. That is what I did and am now almost done with degree (already got my AA). If you don't want the delay of training then look into ROTC, they pay full tuition and give you a living allowance as well. I'm not tyring to plug the military or anything but I was in your shoes and it helped me to become independent. It's really not that bad either LOTS of gread benefits, health insurance etc and HEY you can't get fired =)
Well, having an alcoholic father (who is now sober), a borderline psychotic mother (who is being effectively medicated), me having issues with manic/depressive bipolar disorder (for which I am medicated for as well), and being in an identical financial state to you about 5 months ago, I gotta' say that I feel for you. I am 18 as well and let me tell ya - it sucks being 18 in a world like this. We are struggling to get ourselves educated so we stand a fighting chance when our parents are gone. We can barely afford to go to the movies with our friends on Fridays at 9 bucks a ticket. Most of us don't even have cars of our own to go job-hunting with. You are 18 so a social worker would probably not help unless a case of physical domestic violence breaks out (which is not something you would want to happen). One thing you can do is call a hot-line involving drug and alcohol abuse. You are living under a co-dependent relationship and things will only get worse. Your parents are both addicts (and in times like these, it wouldn't surprise me if more people were in our situation) and boy have I had my experience with them (my father was an alcoholic for 12 years - almost 9 of which I was alive for). They can go to rehab or Al-Anon (alcoholics anonymous) but they come back changed. The substance that they are abusing is gone but the addictive personality is still there -and it ain't leavin' anytime soon.
I hate to give you such a grim response but you are pretty much on your own. This is probably your best bet. If you aren't already in college - register for entrance exams, study for them, and take them. Apply for college and etc. If you cannot afford college, you will need to get a job. That is a really difficult thing to do in these times - believe me: I know. If you are having a really hard time with the job-finding, it is probably in your best interest to look up a trade school in your area. Make sure that it is accredited and try to get into a program there. Most of them can get you certification for just about anything that they offer. I went to a vocational high school and I am already a licensed practical nurse at age 18. I am a freshman in college and I have a great career open to me. Go for just about anything in medicine. That is always in high demand. People are always getting sick and you will never be out of a job because of that. The most important thing that only you can do is make sure that you keep your chin up. I know that it is difficult but you need to take somethings in life head on. You need to show the sh*t that comes your way that it has no control over your life and that only you can decide what you make of yourself. It is gonna' be some of the hardest work you have ever experienced but determination will pay off. I guarantee that. Feel free to email me if want. This question really struck a cord with me. I hope that this helps.
i can totally empathize. i was in a similar situation several years ago with my father as well.
when you dad isn't high, and neither of your parents are drunk, get them to stop what they're doing and have a serious talk with them. let them know how this is affecting you. if that doesn't work, and if you are really desperate, you can do what my brother was thinking about doing after he dropped out of college: joining the National Guard.Family Situation... Father Does Drugs. Need advice?
i feel so bad for you, u know, u should confide in your parents and tell them what they are doing is wrong. if they don't listen, then just move to your granparents! tell them what ur parents are doing! and if they love you they will give you a place to stay at least for a little while. and about the dad smoking majuanna thing.. yea.. i am so disgusted that people do that but, if anything goes wrong, and he responds in a phisical way to youre, needs, and whatever.. its simple... just dial 9...1....1!!!!!!! i have had a grandpa smoke maruanna but he died. i wish best of luck and hopefully all of the advice you get works.
If you really are DESPERATE joing the National Guard. They will pay for your tuition and in addition give you $600 a month to live plus what you get for going that ONCE a month. That is what I did and am now almost done with degree (already got my AA). If you don't want the delay of training then look into ROTC, they pay full tuition and give you a living allowance as well. I'm not tyring to plug the military or anything but I was in your shoes and it helped me to become independent. It's really not that bad either LOTS of gread benefits, health insurance etc and HEY you can't get fired =)
Well, having an alcoholic father (who is now sober), a borderline psychotic mother (who is being effectively medicated), me having issues with manic/depressive bipolar disorder (for which I am medicated for as well), and being in an identical financial state to you about 5 months ago, I gotta' say that I feel for you. I am 18 as well and let me tell ya - it sucks being 18 in a world like this. We are struggling to get ourselves educated so we stand a fighting chance when our parents are gone. We can barely afford to go to the movies with our friends on Fridays at 9 bucks a ticket. Most of us don't even have cars of our own to go job-hunting with. You are 18 so a social worker would probably not help unless a case of physical domestic violence breaks out (which is not something you would want to happen). One thing you can do is call a hot-line involving drug and alcohol abuse. You are living under a co-dependent relationship and things will only get worse. Your parents are both addicts (and in times like these, it wouldn't surprise me if more people were in our situation) and boy have I had my experience with them (my father was an alcoholic for 12 years - almost 9 of which I was alive for). They can go to rehab or Al-Anon (alcoholics anonymous) but they come back changed. The substance that they are abusing is gone but the addictive personality is still there -and it ain't leavin' anytime soon.
I hate to give you such a grim response but you are pretty much on your own. This is probably your best bet. If you aren't already in college - register for entrance exams, study for them, and take them. Apply for college and etc. If you cannot afford college, you will need to get a job. That is a really difficult thing to do in these times - believe me: I know. If you are having a really hard time with the job-finding, it is probably in your best interest to look up a trade school in your area. Make sure that it is accredited and try to get into a program there. Most of them can get you certification for just about anything that they offer. I went to a vocational high school and I am already a licensed practical nurse at age 18. I am a freshman in college and I have a great career open to me. Go for just about anything in medicine. That is always in high demand. People are always getting sick and you will never be out of a job because of that. The most important thing that only you can do is make sure that you keep your chin up. I know that it is difficult but you need to take somethings in life head on. You need to show the sh*t that comes your way that it has no control over your life and that only you can decide what you make of yourself. It is gonna' be some of the hardest work you have ever experienced but determination will pay off. I guarantee that. Feel free to email me if want. This question really struck a cord with me. I hope that this helps.
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