Private family matter not so private. Need advice!!!?

ok, my brother is getting divorced after a year of marriage, his wife is my hubby's 3rd cousin, and she is close to my sister-in-laws.


Its hard cuz i support him but his wife is trash talking him to my SILs. They are nosey as it is, but they say the dont wanna get involved cuz they understand its hard for me but they are!


for example, my ex-sil told my bro he could have their van, he didnt want it but was gonna sell it to buy another car. well, she ended up filing for the divorce and called him and said ';ill give you the title of the van only if you agree to my terms on the divorce'; well, he doesnt want to, so she had my SILs go the my moms to pick the van up! i understand they are her family and in a tough situation too, but it was wrong of them to get involved!!! i wish this matter could be private with in my own family, but my inlaws are involved (my MIL is nosey and not staying out of it either)


what is the best way for me to handle this?Private family matter not so private. Need advice!!!?
Ignore ignore and stay out of this messPrivate family matter not so private. Need advice!!!?
YOU DON'T HANDLE IT! THAT'S THE BEST WAY TO 'HANDLE' THIS!





I think you could use some help with personal boundaries. I do not say this being mean. I say this because I've been there! Here are a few RULES that may help you to know whether to get involved; whether to say anything; or whether to take responsibility:





1) You cannot control anyone else's behaviors, except for your own.


2) You are not responsible for anyone else's actions.


3) If the person (or persons) involved is not your child, it is not your business, and you are not responsible.


4) If the person (or persons) involved is over 18, it is not your business, and you are not responsible.


5) If you were not asked to become involved, don't.


6) Support others in doing what is right - but you cannot make them do (or not do) anything.


7) All the things you learned in Kindergarten, apply here. Be nice, share your toys, treat others as you would like to be treated, don't call people names, etc.





One thing I noticed is that everyone is talking about things way too much. Be an example to the others, including the nosey MIL, and BE QUIET! When someone says anything about the situation, you can, very nicely, change the subject. Do it enough times, and they will get your point. This situation is your brother's business. If he asks your opinion, I think it would be fine to give it. But don't give this too much of your own energy or emotion, because it won't do any good. You cannot control what anyone in this situation does, or does not do. That is NEVER going to change. However, by effecting changes in yourself (such as not getting drawn into the conversation) you can certainly have an effect on others. Hopefully, it will be a good effect.





When one person (such as yourself) rises above the level of behavior that others are exhibiting, it helps others to see their own behavior in a better light. Sometimes, they will change without you saying a word.





Speak to them by example. Actions truly do speak louder than words.