Complicated family problems? i need someone's advice :'(?

this is going to be a bit long but someone please listen :'(


ok, i'm an only child and am chinese (yes this means strict family education...) there's alot of 'invisible' problems going between my mum and dad. well recently my mum kept blabbering about my dad and his doings. my dad's personality is quite 'manly' and he thinks he kinda rules the house and everything he says is right, and nobody is allowed to say he's wrong. he's like a person you can't really like but on the other hand can't really hate either, but only when he's in a good mood and gives out money and jokes around...lol.


on the other hand my mum is kinda strict (she locked me in my room without computer for a few months before my finals.) but she's nice most of the time and buys clothes and everything. but recently she's gotten pretty annoying badmouthing about my dad (altho most of the things she says is actually true...). these days when she's a bit angry (i think its PMS...!) she goes on complaining about almost everything with a smile on her face, which makes me go WTF and rebut her arguments. for example, today she was saying how you can't hear any words at all in rock songs (which happen to be my favourite genre of music) and i got pissed and everything and then she got pissed and started to ignore me with no end. altho, i actually kinda like this because she won't annoy me for a while.


then back to the real problem, my mum is saying bad things about my dad and saying how i shouldn鈥檛 care because i'm in my most important education right now (going university in a 2 years), its like as if she's saying she wants to divorce my dad. i can't blame her, once i mistakenly taken a new durex box (i suppose everyone knows what this means.) out of my dad's pocket thinking it was candy. (i dont think my mum and dad have been interacting on the bed much btw. they're always arguing...) so the problem is, i dont think our family is much of a family anymore. and i can't really side with my mum all the time because she's not always right, and she expects me to always side with her. but i love my dad too, i don鈥檛 want a messed up family. i know my mum doesn't really want to divorce because its a kind of embarrassment in the chinese community.....


someone tell me some kind of advice? altho i dont think i can do anything in this situation since both my mum and dad have these 'keep your nose out of our business' personalities...


best answer for 10 points anyone? i just want someone to listen and give advice.Complicated family problems? i need someone's advice :'(?
My family is a lot like yours. My mom is so strict she bad mouths my dad all the time with his drinking and smoking and it was so annoying. I couldn't wait to move out because I got so sick and tired over her complaining each and every day. Even if the house wasn't even that messy she would b*tch at all of us for being slobs, and even if did have it clean when she came home she would complain of how it wasn't perfect.. I even hate going over there just to visit because its the same thing over and over again. I really don't think what my dad does is so bad, but she makes it seem like his habits are the WORST on the planet! even though it could be SOOO much worse.





The only thing I can say is just to back off from the situation, I always went to my room all the time, or tried going to the park, or even hanging out with friends. Just so I can get away from it all. I would definitally be psyched about going to a college farther away and even getting a dorm just so you don't have to be there all the time having it to take a toll on you.








It would be pretty nice if you could answer my question as well :)Complicated family problems? i need someone's advice :'(?
Well my parents are just like yours and I'm chinese too! Well I had this problem, and my parents turned out fine. I thought they were having a divorce too, so my advice to you is to talk to your dad and since you are an only child, you can just convince what your dad does that isn't right. When he stops, your mother would notice and stop arguing. Maybe have a talk with your mom too and convince her to change the attitude! :) Good luck, I hope this helped.
It's a tough situation. I'm sorry you're going through it. You didn't say how old you were throughout though, which I would like knowing.





However, I lived in a similar situation.. right before my mom and step-dad split up. It sucks. I found what worked the best, is just to nod your head in agreement to both people. They are venting their frustrations, at the wrong person no less, but what they are saying can normally be taken with a grain of salt. They just need to rant and release. Maybe you should ask your mom and dad seperately if they still love each. If they both say yes, asked them what made them love each other in the first place. (do this separately of course) Just act curious. Innocent. If they respond well, keep it rolling. Ok well, what do you love about them now? Is this something that can be fixed? Would you be willing to try and work on it with him/her. Then you should tell them a lot of friends parents are going through divorce, but 2 parents decided to go to counseling together, and they have stayed together 12 more years and the kids say it's 100% better. Yeah, I'm suggesting you lie so she can hear you no someone FIRST HAND that marriage counseling can help. Wow, I've gone on and one too. So yeah, either just nod and let it go in one ear or out the other. Try and draw them out into speaking of what they like of each other, or try the old ';my friends this and that...'; whatcha think? Helpful at all? I tried. :) Good luck!
it's sad to hear about so many people going through this right now... I'm so sorry you have to deal with all this ****.





honestly, I think you should try to stay out of their arguments as much as you can. they have no right to burden you with every little detail of their marriage troubles - you're their daughter, not their counselor. really.





that said, I know that that can be next to impossible... try to talk to someone about this, like a counselor at school or a therapist. you can also use one of these phone numbers for free counseling in the US:





714-894-4242


562-596-5548