Major family problems...I really need some advice. Please?

My brother is 25. I am 22. We were planning on sharing an apt this month. We both live at home now. My brother goes out drinking at least 3 nights a week. When he does this he sleeps the entire next day. He has only saved about $600 to move on. My dad acts like my brother is a victim of circumstances. He babies him, pretty much apologizes to him. Their relationship is sickening to me. I don't want to deal with it anymore and therefore don't want to live with my brother. I told him I wasn't going to this morning and now everything is falling apart. My dad has never had a relationship with me. I worked full time and saved throughout college and could do this move on my own, but there is going to be so much animosity. What an I do? It is breaking me down.Major family problems...I really need some advice. Please?
i kinda know what you are going through im 16 and my brother is 24 he no longer lives with me and my parents but he is an alcholic and i know how you feel my dad has never been there for me ethier and my parents are divorced. The best advice i can think of is talk to him tell him how you feel about him doing that. Tell your dad that hes not a baby anymore and he has to start acting like his father not his friend.Major family problems...I really need some advice. Please?
I would personally sit them down and talk to them about the situation. Maybe they don't know that you feel this way, and surprisingly, having a conversation can help out a lot. If that doesn't help, I think you should do what's best for you. Will living with your brother be hard on you financially, physically, mentally, emotionally? Only you know what your limits are and you should do what you think is best for your own well-being.
stop drinking and tell everyone you dont want to be around people who drink. Throw in a little religion if you need to
You're an adult. Do what you know you need to do and let your family sort it out. I know that's harsh, but it's what you have to do to make your life work out. Your brother sounds like he might be a financial drain on you and that you'll get no help from your Dad. Don't do that to yourself.
If this is causing you stress, then you should definitely move out. I mean, you have the money and your brother should learn how to take care of himself. Have you tried confronting your dad and telling him how he behaves when he's with your brother and how it makes you feel?
Do not move in with your brother. Helping your wayward brother out will only contribute to his irresponsibility. You would be enabling him. You will have a never-ending life taking care of his messes. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or feels about you changing your mind. Your brother is not your responsibility. If your father feels the need to ';baby'; him, let him raise him the rest of his life. Spend your life with people who make you feel good about yourself; avoid those who don't. If you cave in this time, it won't end.
If you don't want to deal with it anymore the best thing you can do is to move.Your father favors your brother so there is nothing you can do to change the situation.If you do move out stay in touch with both of them and try and get along but I think the best thing for you is to move out of this situation.
your an adult that's there problem!
I think you are in a very good position to be able to loving teach your brother a lesson about what it means to be an adult, and your father what loving limits/boundaries look like. This would be much more difficult if you could not finiancially move out on your own.


This is how I would handle this:


1. Sit down with your brother (and possibly your dad), and respectfully explain your concerns, and when they make excuses, nicely explain that talk is cheap, he will have to prove himself.





2. Explain that you will be getting an apartment on your own, but that he is welcome to live with you, if he is willing to sign a contract that you have written up. This should be done all with the utmost respect, and not with a tone that conveys that you expect him to screw up. You are going to treat him as an adult, just as if he were moving out on his own and dealing with an apartment manager on his own. We will hope that he makes excellent choices, but will have a CLEAR and AGREED UPON plan if he does not.





3. Contract terms should include the portion of the deposit he needs to come up with BEFORE he can move in with you, even if after you have already moved in. Also his portion of the rent and utilities, when they are due, etc. You may or may not want to make an agreement about parties, alcohol, other substances, etc. in your apartment.





4. You do not want to come across as his landlord- that enters in a dynamic I don't think you want. It should be an agreement that allows either of you to kick out the other if you cross the lines of the agreement, and cannot fix the problem within an agreed upon amount of time.





5. Make sure that your father/parents are aware of the terms, that way if either of you ;) have to come running home because you got kicked out- they will understand why, and will realize that it was that siblings problem completely. This will lessen the blame on the one doing the kicking out.





6. DO NOT try to be your brother's parent/mother. That is one real quick way to destroy your relationship- likely for a decade or two. Just allow him to make adult decisions, and deal with adult consequences. Don't let yourself get out of control, just give him a hug, tell him you care about him, but that he agreed to pay the rent by yesterday... for example :) In the grown-up world, if you get very far behind in rent, you sleep on a park bench.





You could be the catalyst for some real growth in your family. People may be mad initially (if you have to follow through on a breach of contract), but if you do it well and in a loving way, you can likely strengthen relationships.


You may want to offer to attend AA with your brother as well...





Good luck and God Bless.
You shouldn't have to baby-sit your older brother. I simply would not do it. Your life is your own and if they cannot understand that, then it is their problem.
I don't think that would be really an ';healthy living enviorment'; with your brother and such. If you must speak about it with them, then do that, nicely, not in a bad tone, if they do not understand, then it is their problem, not yours, it would not be your fault, if you said it in a nice tone. From the looks of it, you might be better off by yourself.