Advice on Blended families- with a boyfriend and his 4 year old son and a mother and her 12 year old.?

My 12 year old daughter and I live with my boyfriend who has a 4 year old that comes every other week. During the times the boy is away at his mom's, there is structure and things are pleasant. My daughter is on a schedule and I have her in bed by 9pm. We are on a set routine. During the weeks that the boy is here, It is all shot. The boy's father gives bottle to him at night, still wears pull-ups, there is no structure when he has him every other week, the boy goes to bed late, no set time...sometimes 10pm. the father sleeps with him and will not break him from that...so, everytime he moves, the boy wakes up. He is still learning how to share...but his father lets him get his way... the boy will throw fits or start crying after something I said and father turns against me and leads to a fight. He tells me that his son just got back here and give him slack but that happens through the middle of the week and then what? put him on a schedule? but it never happens. suggestions?Advice on Blended families- with a boyfriend and his 4 year old son and a mother and her 12 year old.?
Sit down with your boyfriend and tell him about all your concerns. I can understand him wanting to be lenient with his son, but in the long run, it's not going to help anyone, especially not the child. If he can't appreciate your concerns and try to compromise with you, it might be time to reconsider the relationship.Advice on Blended families- with a boyfriend and his 4 year old son and a mother and her 12 year old.?
Your boyfriend is the one with the problem. Tell him to wake up to himself before he creates a monster. Other than telling him the child needs stability and routine for his own good I don't know what you can do not an easy situation. All the best.
Its gonna be tough love. The dad needs to realize that although he wants the time he gets to spend with his son to be easy and joyful, its not being a good PARENT. You have to tell him this nicely, that you understand why he gives in, but its not healthy for his child or yours. Take a stand and offer to help him through what will be a big adjustment for everyone. 4 year olds can be tough and scream and be bratty, but they can be disciplined, it just takes time and love, a lot of unconditional love.
Move on. If the boyfriend isn't being flexible in your parenting requirements then you may as well say goodbye. Because no matter what, that child is his son and you will not get the boyfriend to change until he sees the actual damage he is doing to the child.





4 years old ~ still on a bottle? wearing pull ups? sleeping with Dad? No structure or discipline? Poor kid, he's getting the short end of the parenting stick and its going to make his life more difficult. Shame your boyfriend can't see that.





Good luck to you.
RUUUUNNNNN!!!! It's not going to get any better. If he is not going to change and not going to listen to your concerns, better you get out now and save you AND YOUR DAUGHTER lots of heartache. Things like this lead to ';my child-your child'; fights that will only leave your daughter in the middle (because heaven knows it's not HIS son's fault.....) and will cause tension and strife between you and your boyfriend. You will both end up resenting each other because of it. He needs to grow up and be a man and actually FATHER his son instead of trying to be his friend. I am in awe that the kid is 4 and he still wears pull ups and doesn't have any structure!! That is aweful!!! I say get out before it gets worse...and believe me....it WILL get worse.
Start looking for a place to stay, if your boyfriend wont consider you feelings and is disrupting things for our daughter and causing arguments then something drastic needs to happen....Your families are not blended because if they were you would all live by the same rules...cant wait till this child is a teenager...he will still have a bottle and still be throwing tantrums