Much needed advice on adult with disfunctional family?

It would take an several pages to explain how my family is and the disfunction that has existed since day one. I will try and as briefly as possible explain the situation. This is just one in many issues, however this time I sincerley need advice due to that this is getting to much for me to be involved in at all, do I need to cut all ties?





Here is the situation:


disfunctional family/no physical abuse growing up, basically mental abuse, and exposed to adult situations that I should of never been part of.





Childhood isses as to where my own mother let a family member torment my in a excessivly abusive verbal manner. She never put a stop to it in fact made excuses for my brother who absolutley made my life pretty much misreable for years. She ALLOWED this to happen to me growing up. (I do not mean normal kid teasing it was way beyond that about health issues I had, life threatening issus)





This same brother is now living with my mother, after my father died he moved in her home. He does not work. He has a drug habit that my mother gives him money for, she buys all his nessicities. He has never held a steady job.





This brother of mine is into some very wierd things in my opinion and opinion of every family member that I have. My mother defends and condones and contributes to his behavior.. this is a 36 year old man.





The issue at this point is that he has done somthing so morally wrong that I am even too embarresed to write about it, basically he has befriended a murderer that killed a little girl years back. He corresponds though mail with this person.





My issue is that I am apalled by this. I am appalled that my own mother would defend him and tell me that it is just letters, and that the convicted fellon of murder is not a bad person, was just mixxed up. I do not see it that way.. the person took a little girls life.. how can my mother as a mother and grandmother herself accept that he is carring on with these type of people.





I think it is so totally wrong for a mother ( my mother ) to condone this, she knows how totally upset our entire family was when this murder occured years back.





How can I allow myself to be a part of her life when she is enabeling, contributing to and allowing his sick behavior under her own roof. I do not know with a clear consious if I can go against my beliefs and associate with a mother who sees nothing wrong with his behavior. (also this person, my brother has made threats to her, to me, my sister, my kids)





My moms only excuse is '; she doesnt know how to make him move out of her home... ( that seems pretty easy to me... what about packing his clothes and putting them outside and changing the locks)


never the less she has willed all her money and home to him after her death....





Do you agree that I should just cut ties with her due to I can not with a clear consious associate with someone who condones his behavior?





In addition my mother is the number one trouble maker in family, she talks really bad about me to others and talks horrible about other family to me.. she is continually keeping each family member mad at each other.. she in fact says horrible things about even the kids in the family. This woman (my mother ) is a gossip to each and everyone she knows. I love my mother but I can not put myself and my children in this damaging behavior anymore.





Please give me some good solid advice, this is effecting my panic attacks that I have had for years due to childhood trauma from my family.





Am I wrong for just cutting all ties? Please help.Much needed advice on adult with disfunctional family?
CUT THE TIES WITH YOUR FAMILY!!!!! Your mother is never going to stop enabling her son. She is mentally unstable, and so is your brother. Trust me, you are better off without poisonous people like that.





You should also consider therapy for the years of abuse you went through. I think it would really help you.Much needed advice on adult with disfunctional family?
I don't believe you're wrong for cutting the ties here, I most definitely would.
you should of cut ties years ago.
If one of my siblings was doing that, I would call the police, my sister is special-ed, so she wouldn't do that. But call the police, I wouldn't care if anyone got mad at me, I would also talk to my mother upfront and tell her how I felt about this situation.