Family or Career. . .I'm trying to pick a path... any advice?

I'm only 23, not married, but talking about it with my boyfriend. He just started working in the real world as an attorney is very nicely compensated. We bought a house and the wedding conversations are very serious at this point. I am currently enrolled in a graduate program for human resources, and I'm ';paying'; for it myself (= LOTS of loans). I know it's a bit forward looking, but I do want to have children one day and I'm struggling with the choices that I am making now that might affect this. I am investing a lot of money into an education that I may not ever get a good return on. I want to be a stay at home mom if possible.


What would you do? - Stay in grad school and incur $40,000 of debt and force yourself to work OR quit grad school, get a job, starting saving big time and work up until you have your first child?


ALSO, any moms out there with an opinion on being a working mom or a stay at home mom... any advice? I'm really having a hard time with this choice.Family or Career. . .I'm trying to pick a path... any advice?
Well, you are right to think about it. Racking up student loans for educational training you might not use is an expensive proposition.





The decision is, of course, yours -( you and your fiance's), but you might as well get a clear picture of what you both are setting yourself up for.





Here are some ideas:





Find out what you can realistically expect to earn in the career you are training for - and based on that salary, how long it would take to pay off those loans (don't forget to account for the interest) - then add at least another year. Debts always seem to take longer to pay off than we expect.





Assuming a mere 6% annual interest rate, and you wanted to pay off the $40,000 in 3 years, you would have to pay approximately $1211 per month to do it. Can you afford that - on top of all your living expenses? Can you afford to pay more?


Over 4 years period instead, you would pay ';only'; $935 per month, but you would incur more interest. Paying extra interest is wasted money, so pay as much as you can a afford to save the most interest. If you can't afford to pay it off in less than 5 years ($770/month), you should reconsider taking out the loans.





Your husband-to-be might be willing to help you pay it off, but he may be paying his own loans off. Law school is not cheap.





Speak to people in that career and find out how happy they are, the job prospects available in the area that you live (or plan to) the salaries they make, and the sacrifices they had to make to stay in their jobs, whether they have families, etc. In other words, do your homework outside of school, too.





As far as quitting - if you quit now, you could be wasting the money you have already invested. How close are you to graduating? When did you start? Masters degrees take three to six semesters - doctorates about 9 semester (after your undergrad) to complete - depending on how many classes you take per semester. Are you getting good grades? How well do you like your classes?





While in school, work to get the best grades possible so you can possibly qualify for scholarships or grants and thus reduce your costs. Try job shadowing someone to see if the career is really what you thought it would be. It's better to find out now if you do or don't like it than after spending all those years and money in school. (Not that I'm knocking school - education is a good thing).





You might consider taking some computerized accounting courses as well as your HR courses - that way you have career options and a means for a part-time job during school or if you need a job later or, if you do decide to leave school sooner.





These will all weigh into your considerations.





Above all, try to have as little debt as possible before starting your family.





You say you want to be a stay-at-home mom after you have children. That is commendable. It also means that your husband would have to supply all the income. Would you be happy with that? Successful lawyers spend a LOT of time at work - especially when they are starting out - 10 to 14 hour days are not uncommon.





Debt and money troubles are VERY hard on relationships and strained relationships make pregnancies and child rearing even harder. Money troubles are among the leading causes of divorce. Being a single parent makes everything still harder - you have to do it all yourself and you often have no one to spell you off.





You try to balance your job, your children, your housekeeping jobs, as well as your own needs. It isn't easy. In fact it is VERY hard. Having and raising children is not for the weak hearted.





I hope this makes sense for you and your fiance. I wish you all the very best.Family or Career. . .I'm trying to pick a path... any advice?
Good question, my cousin gratuated Yale and proceeded to be a stay at home mom.





She DOES have that degree for when the kids are older though.





If you can afford it go for it. Get the degree AND be a mom. No harm in that.
if your not ready than dont... you will know when youre ready... if you are at all worried or wondering i would wait. you have plenty of time 23 is very young
CAREER PICK CAREEER FIRST...I WISH I DID, AND NOW IM IN AN ANGRY UNHAPPY RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN WHO IS VERY CONTROLLING AND MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A MOOCH FOR BEING A STAY AT HOME MOM, AND HATES THE FACT THAT I WANT TO GET A JOB OR GO BACK TO SCHOOL!


ITS NICE TO BE A STAY HOME MOM FOR YOUR CHILDREN, BUT IT DOESN TPAY IN THE FINANCIAL END OF LIFE, ITS ACTUALLY A BIG **** OVER.


GO TO SCHOOL, GET YOUR GOOD JOB, BUY YOUR OWN HOME WITH YOU OWN NAME ON THE TITLE NOT HIS!


THEN HAVE YOUR BABIES!


I MEAN THIS!


IM 26 BTW.
Kudos to you for thinking ahead. You could finish grad school, pay off your loans quickly and work for a higher salary than you would now, therefore saving more. If you have your degrees finished, you can always go back to work after your kiddos are in school. You could also work from home once you get a routine worked out. It's also good for toddlers to be in daycare at least half days for the socialization as well as making their immune systems stronger by being exposed to the general ';daycare plague.';





My husband went back to Med School at 38, he graduates in February. We're in debt about $150,000 for his school, and have 3 children. I wish we'd done this sooner, then I'd not have to keep working, and could be a homeroom mom, and not have my kids in daycare full time. Being a stay at home mom is hard work, you are essentially a maid, cook, housekeeper and teacher for no pay and no benefits. If you finish school, you will always have that to fall back on should you lose your husband (God forbid) or just need the extra income and have to go back to work. Your education won't be wasted, you're still young and have plenty of time to figure out the next step when it comes.
Not that I have any experience on this subject whatsoever but I do hope some reasoning I have will help. The way I see it is that you should definately go for the education and finish it. I'm a college dropout and I regret it and I live with a boyfriend who's got alcolhism and I might possibly be pregnant. I wish I have the ability to get a better job but with the lack of education I can't. If you and your significant other fall apart think of how you can stand on your own two feet. To not finish and rely on someone entirely for the rest of your life is risky. Think very hard about it.
my advice to you is stay in school, part time work part time. u guys have a house, and are planning a wedding which might be a bit pricey. but i wouldn't plan on a child until some or most of the school loans are paid off, and u guys are truly ready. having a child is not something to take lightly, one must be 100% ready. that is wrong with the world today people want a child, and are not emotionally ready, and just goes haywire from there. just make sure u both are ready for this. a friend of mine got married, signed up for school, and school is now kicking her but, but in between all of that, she had a baby. rush rush rush. not she says she wished she had waited on the baby, cause school is taking so much of her time. Good Luck
If you wait until you can afford kids, you will always be without children.


Father of Five





Parenting is an art, not a technical profession.





Go with it, be flexible, and be adaptive.
Finish your schooling first, and if you are able to be a stay at home Mom that's great, but you will always have your education if you ever need to fall back on it.
My friend is an marketing executive who works as a consultant.





She has 2 children and works at home most of the time.





She also has a reliable nanny who comes in occasionally when my friend needs help.





She has the best of both worlds and her children are healthy, happy and thriving.





You can have what you want....as long as you plan well, have a partner that is as committed as you are to making it work.
Do not quit school. You wouldn't have advised your boyfriend to quit school, would you? You've invested this much already, finish it.


You never know if you may have to support yourself (and children) one day. It's just as important for a woman to be fully educated and employable as it is a man.





I'm a working full time, single parent. I didn't finish college and my salary shows it. Even if I were married to a man who made lots of money, I would still work. If you're going to work, make money. Don't quit school.





Fine, if you are a stay at home mom some day, but you will always have your degree and ability to support yourself if you finish school.





Think like a man and stay in school.
what i would do if i was in your shoes is carry on doing your grad program. get a job in what you need. get married then start trying. once you have the baby you can go on maternity leave and then go back to work part time or you can work from home that way youa re still with your baby and still making some money.





by the sounds of it though your boyfriend is in a pretty decent job and should be able to support you and the baby if you decide to be a stay at home mum.





i dont work and my partner isnt in a brilliant job but he still manages to pay the bills and anything our daughter needs.





go with your heart if you want a baby then start trying for one if you want to work and save up then do that.





hope you get what you want in the end.
well do both,i did i was 21yold and had 2 boys and put my self tthourgh college now am a R.M.A. and its alsome my boys r now 27 ,and 24 ,and own there own , and now we can do things togther and we have an alsome time togther ,thats why i say have kids early so u can enjoy them both ways lillte , and grown
I tried the ';Both'; route. I got my degree and had a high-powered professional career for 14 years before having a child at 37. After he was born, I stayed at home with him because I thought ';What if this is the only chance I get?'; Now, 4 years later, it looks like it was my only chance!





I'm glad I finished college and had a great career. I had experiences and travels that my other Mom friends never got to have. I'm also glad I stayed home to enjoy my son. Honestly, I worked long enough to pay off my loans and then take the vacations that I could finally afford, but I also probably waited too long to have family, as it now looks like it'll be quite small. Maybe you can look at your future in stages, and continue the road you're on until you're sure it's time for a change!!!