This is a tough question because there is no one answer that will help you...
treating your mom with respect: a lot of times that is a hard thing to do unless you actually feel it for her. however, i guess my advice on how to go about treating her with respect depends on how she feels like you are disrespecting her. if it's the way you speak to her, then what you need to do is think before you speak. Take a deep breath before you respond and speak to her in a calm voice. If it's what you say to her (as in calling her names) then stop that. If it's your actions: say you don't follow the rules, then try to meet her expectations. If you don't know what the rules are in your mom's house, then you probably should ask her what her rules are and what she expects from you. this way she can tell you.
another good way to treating your mom with respect is trying to build a positive relationship with her. do fun things with her- go to the movies, watch one at home, make dinner and spend the evening with your mom. If you actually start to like her, you might feel more respect for her. if you feel respect for her, you'll treat her with respect.
disclaimer: I'm not saying you don't love your mom. I am saying that you might not like her at times. Do you get what I mean?
As far as writing letters: that can help. you can get some things off of your chest that have been bothering you. and it gives her a chance to explain her side of things. letters are great because there is no interrupting in a letter. when you have an actual discussion, that's when there are tons of interruptions and you can't always say everything you wanted. but, a lot of times, things get lost in translation on a letter. you may mean something different than how she reads it to mean. same with her. she may say something in a letter that you interpret a totally different way than what she meant. that comes from experience. i have started fights in emails because i worded something a way that was confusing.
Hope that helps.Advice on dealing with my family?
you need to grow up and respect your mother. your mother needs to take back control of you.
do you think it will be any better at your father's?? will you be able to control him too?
Well, just reading the added comment about not needing criticism, I'm not even bothering to read any other answers listed.. no need in getting irate with ignorant people!
I had, still have even at 32, a very similar relationship, but with my father!
I couldn't talk to him.. not without it ending in either an argument or one of us getting mad or upset.
However, I did learn that while I couldn't ever sit down and talk to him, I did have a lot I wanted to say. So I sat down and started writing him letters. It gave me the opportunity to say everything I wanted to say, but it also prevented me from saying something in the heat of arguing, or saying something I really didn't mean.
I would suggest you do the same. Explain to your mom your feelings on living with her. Explain to her that you are needing more time with a male role-model as you get older. Also explain to her that you do love her, you do respect her... and I would be willing to bet that part of you is even concerned about the possibility of your relationship getting worse with her, to the point of permanent damage / negative feelings.
Be honest and up front with her, but showing the love and respect for her that you do.
When push comes to shove, there's no judge in the world who would force you to live with one parent or the other, without truly taking your desire into consideration. And unless there are serious reasons to support not allowing you to stay with your dad, I wouldn't see why a judge wouldn't grant that.
At the same time, this may all be a moot point. Depending on what state you live in, at the age of 17, you can decide to live with whomever you want, regardless of previous custody issues. I wouldn't even think it would require going to a judge.
For a quick answer, you can also call whatever police/sherrif's office has jurisdiction over both where your dad lives and where your mom lives. Explain in short your desire to live with you dad, your age, the fact that legally your mom has custody, and they can let you know if either legal department would enforce that custody order at your age!
I can can empathize with a lot of what you're dealing with! Just keep your head up and try to stay strong through it all! There is light at the other end of this particular tunnel!
Take care and good luck!
~SouthernGirl
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