Family member with issues..Any advice??

Hi!


Here is the problem, I have a younger sister and she is getting ready to go through a THIRD DIVORCE! She seems to always marry for every reason but because she is in love. And with this issue, she also drinks..ALOT! And because of this, she has become very heavy. And yet she continues to wear clothes that make her look so much bigger then she is! Well, her and had a conversation on the phone yesterday. And it did not go real well to be honest. She thinks that everyone else has the problem, and not her! What should, or what can I do to help her without her becoming very defensive? Please...Any advise would be SO appreciated from everyone! Thanks :)Family member with issues..Any advice??
HEY!!!





There is nothing you can do!! She is going to be defensive. Even though you think you are being helpful - it does not help.





For instance, telling an overweight person they need to diet, does not make them go to Weight Watcher's. Oddly, it makes them go to the fridge instead!





Your sister's main issue is probably alcoholism. Which makes her make poor choices - such as picking the wrong men to marry. Most likely these men also have issues too.





She is probably depressed which is causing her to over eat. She wants to feel and look sexy to get attention from men - which she thinks is going to make the pain go away. She gets attention from the wrong men - gets married and divorced - which adds to the problem.





The cycle - alcohol = depressed = over eats = seeks attention from the wrong men = depressed = drinks = gets more depressed = over eats . . . .





She is in denial. It is part of the alcoholics problem. There is nothing you can do. I know that hurts and sucks!!!





SHE needs to realize that she driving full speed into a brick wall. You telling her only hurts her feelings and then she becomes defensive.





Sadly, a lot of people in her position never realize they are the one with the problem and they blame everyone else. It is really hard for people to admit there is something wrong with them. And even harder to change!!!!





Two things you can do -


1. Say nothing to her and quietly sit back and let her suffer the consquences of her choices.


2. If you can't do that, and knowing what I know about you, you CAN'T not speak your mind - you need to avoid contact with her!





I hope this helps!!!!





Hugs!!!!Family member with issues..Any advice??
with a neurotic woman. It's easier than you'd think:


1) Tell her she looks great. Lie like hell.


2) Let her drink; if she wants to look like a buffoon, let her. You can concern yourself about rehab for her AFTER the holidays.


3) You don't have to be a sounding board, but if she wants to be a whiny ';me first'; chronic complainer, let her. She's no reflection on you.


It's the holidays. Life is easier when you worry about your OWN family. Every family has one of those; my brother is mine. I know I'm not going to ';fix'; or change him, especially not today. Christmas. Best to just go with the flow.
I would suggest getting her inside some kind of therapy and alcoholics anonymous program.
There is nothing you can do except for maybe give her the 1-800 number for alcoholic's anonymous and tell her you care. Turn your back and walk away.





It has got to be her decision to make her life better.





You can beg and plead until you are blue in the face and unless she wants to hear or see her wrongs it will do you no good.





You have control over you.
I agree with Been There~Done That!





She has to be the one to decide she needs to make a change. I know this may be difficult for you to accept, but I've seen this in Al-Anon time and time again. (I've been a member for 6 years now and my dad was the alcoholic). So many people try everything under the sun to get their loved one to act right and take their suggestions. People think if they say this a certain way or try something else next time, that the person will stop the behavior. But the truth is, you have no control over her! It is hard to swallow and I'm sure you'll keep trying to help her. She's not going to do anything about it unless she wants to. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Sometimes it is quite hard to sit back and watch those we love make terrible choices. The best we can do is set a good example for them and hope they catch on. Best wishes to you!