I'm after advice to help my family ?

i moved in with my boyfriend in febuary 08 we have 4 children between us aged 5,9,13 and 17. most of the time it is great fun but i still notice a big divide between the families at times. i have a great relationship with his children(the elder 2 are his)and i believe i make a great effort with them and i try to treat them as if they were my own obviously there are limits to this. their mum moved to a different country and it was very upseting for them and i feel i have and still am being a good support to them.


my problem lies with my pre teen who is 9, she is so much fun but at times is rude moody and disrespectful to me. i find this very hard to deal with in a house full of so many people and i feel i'm being watched while i deal with this, i then have to listen to my partner tell me what i already know and how to deal with the situation. Her biological dad is not around alot and is more of a fun uncle than a dad and is not a parent to her or my youngest, i feel this is part of the problem as i have no ' back up' in telling her what is right and wrong and i believe alot of the time she thinks i'm just telling her off for fun! i want my partner to be more involved in this and aid me in the parenting i have asked him to help before but he just says she won't listen to him. it is starting to cause great strain on our relationship as i feel i'm helping him parent his children but he is not helping me. i's scared of the effects it will have on the whole family. i would like my step daughther who is 17 to take on more of a big sister role as well but i don't want to force this and cause resentment. at the moment i feel they don't like my daughter very much but no one seems to want to work towards making this better apart from me.


please help any advice would be great xI'm after advice to help my family ?
The answer is puberty... these are the early signs that you're in for a rough few years at least. Since you've all been together nine months already, I assume it's working out pretty well at the moment. I can see why you're frustrated with your boyfriend's response, but in my experience men say exactly what they mean. Perhaps what he's telling you is ';I don't know what I can do if she won't listen to me either';. He may feel like some things he'd be tempted to say would be overstepping boundaries. It seems you've worked very hard at towing the line between step-mom and ';YOU'RE NOT MY MOM!'; which can be a real tough one. Perhaps a good way to get your step daughter more involved in her role as big sister would be to have a heart to heart... ask her what she thinks about the situation. Explain that you think your daughter may be going thru a rough time and tell her you're just not sure how to handle it. At 17 I'm sure she's already figured out that parents aren't perfect. Being a young woman, she's likely to remember how she felt at that age, and may have some valuable tips. Feeling like she's helping out in that way may also make her feel more comfortable with trying to get to the heart of the matter with your daughter as well. Maybe she'll be able to act as a bit of a go-between at a time when your daughter may be seeing mom as the enemy. All kids go a little strange at some time or another. Rebellion is all a part of the package. Best wishes to your family, I hope you're able to work this out.I'm after advice to help my family ?
This is a question for a psychiatrist, not the general public.
Must be patience, its take time maybe.





Have more communication with them it will make things better. :0)





Be happy! Wish all the best!
Men you are in a horrible situation hope for the best good luck, yours truly.



i would suggest you seek counseling
Got to College, you will setting a good example for them.
good luck
I think you need professional counselling or else get a few books from the library about combined families, stepchildren etc. Talk to her dad and tell him to take his responsibilities more seriously rather than being a Fun Uncle. Maybe he doesn't know how to be a dad and you could tell him what you expect from him.
You have made a mess in one family getting kids of other men together, and expecting some contribution of each to help them raise their kids.





For starters you are not good at selecting a good parent for your kids, this you know already.





Getting married with a man that had kids instead of dedicating your life to raise yours was a big mistake. You were supposed to give your kids a home, you did what you pleasures demanded, you look for a new husband for yourself and it didn't matter if he had kids. You brought kids that will never love you as mom, this is normal - you are the intruder, the one that got their father's attention away from them.





And you brought kids and a husband to your kids and all of them take away your attention for them. So your kids suffer the bigger loss, you have failed them as parent. First you didn't marry one man, and then the father you selected for them, doesn't want to be a father.





Well, this is your mess, don't expect your kids to be better than you. You have shown them how to be miserable.
i think it is always hard for a child to settled down into a new family with only one of its really parents you seem to be doing a great job trying to make everything right your daughter it think just needs time to adjust to her new Life and maybe you need to Talk to your new boyfriend and tell him about the situation more and ask him to help with it as you cant cope all on your own.
Any family with four children will be difficult to cope with and you have the added difficulty of bringing two sets of children together, when there is no reason why they should like each other.


You and your partner need to talk about what you expect from each other. Don't try and pretend that this is a family at the moment. There is no reason why your partner's daughter should want to be a big sister to your little girl. There is no reason why his children should think of you as their mother. Your partner is not your daughter's father You have not been altogether for a year yet. You can't just bring 6 people together and make an instant family


Accept that things will take time and that they may never be as perfect as you want them to be. But above all talk to your partner and get some clear ideas of how you will both behave with the children and how you expect things to run.then give everyone time and space and don't expect to be the Waltons