Advice on the best approach to confront a family member of sexual abuse,forty years ago?

Forty years ago i was abused by a famliy member,who was my brother,for years i kept it one big secret now i want to tell the world of my abuse what started at the age of 9years old my brother was 16years old.I Intend to write to my brother asking him why he did this to me would it be a good thing to do ?.Advice on the best approach to confront a family member of sexual abuse,forty years ago?
He probably doesn't exactly know why he did it. But it is okay to tell him he was wrong for hurting you.Advice on the best approach to confront a family member of sexual abuse,forty years ago?
If the claim is a figment of yours or someone elses imagination it would be considered harassment and stalking which is against the law.





Sorry, honey, but it is no secret that people have been exposed to so called professionals that have tried to make them believe they were molested as a child and that's a fact.





It's also a fact that some commit dishonesty to diliberately cause trouble in families in attempt to cover up their current lifestyle choices.
I was also abused 40 years ago and only started talking about it 3 years ago....for me it was a big mistake as it is now constantly on my mind. The person in question has now died so I can't confront him...maybe that's the reason...who knows, but whatever you do think hard before any action and to quote my favourite saying 'don't ask the question unless your prepared for the answer'.





Hope this helps x
Your intention to do this indicates you are seeking closure. You need to be prepared for several different outcomes if you choose to go ahead. 1) He may not remember. Our pysche has a way of protecting us from unpleasant experiences. 2) He may remember but try to trivialise what happened, he probably has no idea of the effect his action had. 3) He may remember, feel guily and deny all knowledge. 4) He may remember and try to make you responsible. 5) He may be so embaressed/ashamed/guilty he won't even discuss it. Your closure needs to come from having confronted him after all this time, whatever his reaction is.





I wish you closure, peace of mind and healthy relationships. Good luck.
You deserve any measure of healing you can find. Think thru your choice of words carefully. Be specific about what you hope to gain from addressing this horrendous hurt. If you decide to confront, just understand it may not be a truth he's prepared to face up to. I hope that doesn't add to your pain. The goal is to come to terms with your personal suffering. He could likely be in denial it occurred. That history would likely cause him a fair share of embarrassment. Taketh care.
It depends on what you hope to achieve. You can choose many things, from writing it down and burning the paper to going to the police and having him prosecuted (no it's not too late). There is a charity called NAPAC- National Association for People Abused in Childhood- they have a website. I think that if you get in touch with them, they may help you decide how to manage this in a way that will give you peace of mind.


My thoughts are with you x
If you feel it would be good therapy for how you feel then do it.................or will it open up a can of worms..........don't tell the world, just tell your brother that you remember what he did and take it from there.
Yes.





The pain and shame you may have felt is normal and what happend to you is not your fault.





You are not alone.





Please read this article from MaleSurvivor.org about disclosure and confrontation -





http://www.malesurvivor.org/ArchivedPage鈥?/a>





Whether you are male or female you will find the information you need about how to go about talking to your brother and what to expect from him and other family members.





';This article is written for survivors who want to disclose their abuse. Disclosure may made to a partner or spouse who is unaware of the abuse, a non-offending parent or relative, sibling, friend or other person the survivor believes should know. This article is also about confrontation which will be covered in Part 2. The two acts, disclosure and confrontation, need to be well thought out to ensure success and reduce the possibility of additional trauma for the survivor.';





You indicate that this has been a big secret for you...boy I know what it鈥檚 like to finally be ready to tell the world, but you may want to start by shopping for a therapist. As you work through this and you feel you may be making progress on your own, you will eventually find that you are still not happy, or maybe you are still overeating, or abusing alcohol, and that's where a therapist can help... but it is vital you find the right one.





So you should read this article, A Consumer's Guide to Therapist Shopping-





http://www.malesurvivor.org/ArchivedPage鈥?/a>





What else...





So if you are a male survivor then you may want to check out the discussion board at MaleSurvivor.org 'cause you will find out exactly how many others out there have kept secrets just like you. And the best book out there for male survivors is Mike Lew's Victims No Longer.





If you are female then www.Rainn.org is the best place to check out.





Hope that helps.





The best part is that you've made the biggest and hardest step in understanding that what has happened in the past has caused you pain in your adult life. Many do not even understand the coloration between the abuse and their symptoms and continue to live in misery.





If you work hard on this, you will have the chance to be the happiest person you know. I finally did it, and if I can do it anyone can.
unless he's currently molesting someone else, just forget about, move on.
if it were me i would have to get the police involved it's sick that he did this too u, you've got nothing to be ashamed of but he certainly has, revenge is sweet and if you can get him punishment which he so well deserves then police is the best thing hun!!
It is a good thing that you want closure but to re-awake those problem from 40 years ago might harm you and him.





if you write a letter, how can you be sure that his wife/partner does nor open all the post and gets to read it first, then a can of worms and family feuding will start big style.





telephone him, tell him that you need to see him, away from both your immediate families and discuss it and see what happens.
Yes it is a good thing, because all problems... need a closure before its solved. A closure is important as it allows you move on knowing you have confronted your fear which is a hard thing to do but it release your burden your anger and your shame to come and face not anyone but yourself.


You can start by asking how he is what he is doing now then slowly you proceed with the cause of this letter to him. Remember to start off with happy tots to engage him further into the letter.ya.Slowly express the period or your time working etc; was god but effected by .... (the things you wish to say) Avoid the confession start at the beginng of the letter cos being the abuser himself once, such openings will only turn him off from reading ya.


Good Luck my friend im all with ya
I think you need to talk to him face to face.


This is something in your life that is not going to go away. You feel betrayed, and rightly so,


you have to bring this to a closure.


Although it will be the hardest thing you will ever


have to do, tell him you need to know why he


thought he had the right to that to you.


Then depending on his answer,you have to make up your own mind what to do next.


I really pray that you will soon have peace of


mind. God Bless.
I think face to face would be better


I think it would be very brave of you and would bring closure


i knew someone at Uni who ended up commiting suicide as she couldnt bring herself to confron t her brothers and it just tore her up
go with your gut feelings.all you can do is try for a response from him,he could be still doing this type of thing.is he married with children?is so i think you should speak out.REMEMBER you did nothing wrong and have nothing to feel guilty about.good luck i hope you find your closure and move forward in your life soon.
I think u should write to him(express clearly how u felt and continued to feel up 2 now) and make him own up for his actions cos i mean obviously this has been torturing u all these years and u need closure to continue with ur life. In addition, talking helps and there's no nid for u to continue protecting him whn uv suffered this much.. Wish u well!!
Yes write the letter to your brother. But can you be sure that this is not happening to others? I would advise going to the police too. Not just for your own justice but for the safety of others. I know that doing that would take a lot of strength and courage, but maybe you can start to put it all behind you





Good luck
Is this for your closure? I think you could write him a letter or invite him to a open public place, park bench etc and tell him, dont do this though if you dont plan to move forward and forgive, hes prob still in his own guilt also.