Desperately need advice about our step-family situation!?
I would be firm bur fair, You and your husband need to sit down with her and show a united front and explain how her demands are causing problems in your family, explain you need to spend time as one family including her but also you understand she does also need one on one with her dad and try and set a balance of both. You don't say how old your children are? or how old they all were when you joined as one family? If your children are old enough to understand they also need to realize that she does need some special time with her dad. Its a tough one, no ones right or wrong, its always the children who get upset. But communication is definitely the key, you all need to see things from each others point of view and try and come up with a compromise. I hope you are able to. Good luck.Desperately need advice about our step-family situation!?
Communication is the key here. Someone needs to explain this to her. If she has half a heart, she will feel compassion towards your kids and their feelings. Does your husband know how she's making your kids feel? One thing you have working in your favor is that she lives far away. At least she's not at your house all the time! If nothing can get resolved, I suggest you don't even tell your kids that she is coming over, and take your kids to do their favorite activity when she is around. You can also ask your husband to go spend time with her elsewhere. You're in a tough situation. The best of luck to ya, and I really hope things get better for you and your kids.
it's a very sensitive issue,
you should also be concerned about the feeling your children would develop towards your step daughter and towards your husband. do not inculcate into them the feeling of hatred towards your husband or your step daughter, try explaining to them that it's only fair that the step daughter wants to be with her dad all by herself and that you all should give them an opportunity of being together.
there is no point in trying to be present in a place where people do not want you, and if she's coming just once a week for a day or something you should give her that space. try taking your kids out for the entire day; maybe if you give in to her needs of being with her dad alone, with time both dad and daughter will realize ';the more the merrier.'; or maybe she then starts indicating that's it's more fun with everyone around. or just maybe her trips to visit her dad lessen as time goes on.
if you try to negate what she's asking for believe you me she'll get the satisfaction of being the one deprived of being close to her ';daddy'; because of ';the new step mommy and her kids.';
In her early 20s and still acting like a little selfish brat. Whatever her problem it was way before you and since other than she your family is content, then, if you must, let her have the time with her father (he really needs to check this situation) and once she goes back home, reinforce your family with time with him,without her and then send her pictures with little notes on them like ';wish you were here';, etc. Maybe a guilt trip is what she needs, but if she is still acting like this at the ripe old age of the 20s, then she more than likely will never change, what you have to do is adapt around her. She obviously sees the connection between her father, you and your children and she has a problem with this and this is her problem not yours. God Bless.
His daughter is being very selfish to be honest and its most probably her age as well. thinks she can do things better cause she is an ';adult';.
this is a situation you hubby will have to solve. If she is giving you and your kids the cold shoulder. He is her father and probably can make this situation better than it is.
It would break my heart to! Get your hubby on her! She must grow up and see that she is hurting your feelings and your kids.
You will just have to give his daughter time. It sounds like she's very hurt about the divorce (and remarrying). Although you've taught your children to accept their new father, it's been more difficult for him to ';teach'; these same concepts to his daughter because she hasn't been living with you guys. She doesn't HAVE to like you because she doesn't HAVE to live with you ... your children are still young enough that they have no choice, and they really just have to accept it because it is what it is.
She will eventually come around. Don't pressure her. Be cordial (don't overdo the sweetness either) when she's around and encourage her and her father to spend at least one outing together while she visits -- that way, she sees that you respect her need to be with her father alone sometimes (which is a perfectly acceptable request ... all kids should have time alone with each parent now and then).
I know it's hard ... but it'll get easier. I was in a divorced/re-married family, and it's always ';something';. The fact that you're so concerned makes you a great step-mom ... and really ... I believe time and acceptance of the situation will get you though.
Explain to your sons that their new father loves them VERY much, and that he also needs to spend individual time with his daughter that he doesn't get to see very often. Remind them that they get to see him everyday, and she doesn't. They will understand. Kids are smarter than we sometimes give them credit for.
I think you need to speak up and let him know how you feel. FIrst of all she is not a baby to be spending one on one time with her daddy. You know she is a grown woman and she needs to learn that she is not a young girl anymore and that he married you and you are now his family too, You have to put your foot down and talk because that is not right for them to leave you out when you are now a ';FAMILY'; her daddy has moved on and not because of that he is not her father i think she feel threaten by you and your kids. How would your husband like if your kids were to come and visit and you leave him and her out and you go out with you kids and you ex-husband how would he feel?
I mean you have see the situation both ways you know. And he is not he is just thinking of him and his daughter, I really honestly believe that what he is doing is wrong. I would talk to him and don't let her get away with it because you are his wife now and you are never gonna take her dad away you know but you should be included also your kids.
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Well I cans ee it from both sides...she is an adult...she has no connection to you or your children and some young adults are harsh..insensitive and selfish....I feel for your kids though....why not have your husband visit her? I mean..whats the point of inviting her into your home if she cold shoulders everyone else? Your husband may not see that...but it is not fair on any of you..or you could take the kids away for the weekend when she comes? Or fill their days with kid type treats...like a trip to a theme park..so you and your kids are very busy and they wont get time to feel they are missing out...call it ';Mummy time'; so they feel it is a choice rather than second best...when his daughter has gone..they can then have Daddy time and go on special days with him.
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