I am 16 and and only child ( I have half brothers and sisters) I am the only one living at home with them, and my dad is an alcoholic. He works and makes a good living and buys us whatever we want and his a good dad like that, but he is so mean when he's drinking. The thoughts and feelings that go through me toward him when he's drunk are horrible. I try to keep to myself because it really doesn't matter if I say anything to him when he's drunk, because he just has a drunk smart a$$ remark, and trys to stay off subject. My mom is awesome and she's the best mom ever and it bugs her that he drinks very much too but he's good to us in every other way and she some times thinks she would be happier without him but we would have money problems and stuff because she's only a realtor. Whenever my dad isn't drinking, he's a whole nother person, he's nice to me, and is really cool and isn't annoying, but when he does he bugs you non stop trying to come up with every little thing he could do to hurt your feelings and say horrible things.
For example my mom cooked dinner tonight and he tasted a shrimp and say ew those are too salty, and she had been working on dinner for like and hour and a half, and then he took a bite of tibuli and sais my sister makes the best tibuli and it really hurt my moms feelings and everytime we cry he laughs. He thinks he controls EVERYTHING because he has all the money.
My friends come over and he is so embarrassing when he's been drinking. I hate it. I want it to be over with. I can't do anything about it, but GAHHHHHHHVery frustrating family problem. I want your advice?
i know where you come from i had kinda the same situation growing up. the only thing i can say is that you can try talking to your father when he's not drinking (if you haven't already), but don't sugarcoat anything give it to him straight tell him how dissapointed in him you are and how bad he is hurting you and your family. He is supposed to be the protector not the tormentor. Then talk to your mother ask her to help your father by going to counselors and such to find out the best ways to deal with this issue. For my mother she had to tell my father that she would rather have nothing than to have everything including an abusive acoholic husband (by the way this is domestic abuse). Now for you, you need to go to a domestic abuse counselor and talk about these issues pronto. Trust me these types of circumstances really do some wear and tear on your emotional stability. Not just for you but for your future relationships and even your future employments and children you need these issues resolved. This problem can really change your perspectives on future employers teachers and your future spouse, anyone that can be seen as an authoritative or protective figure in your life. When you get old enough to be on your own then you have the power to say ';no!'; do not condone his behavior... say ';as long as you drink and treat me and my family like this I will not give you the privilege of having a father daughter relationship which you do not deserve. I love you, but I cannot tolerate this behavior'; your father might not understand or may even lash out towards you but if he really is a man he will eventually realize his mistakes and maybe get help.Very frustrating family problem. I want your advice?
I used to be in the same boat as you but it was with my uncle, who is now deceased... an dyes horrible thouhgts would go thru my head when he would get like that , FINALLLY i turned 18 and moved out! and life was soo much better on my own I could do whatever I want and I didnt have to deal with that anymore, all I can say is hang in their and if you can start saving so you can move out ASAP!
Sounds like my dad was. but he use to beat the hell out of me on top of that. But the drinking got the better of him and he killed himself 22 years ago. I tried to stay clear of him when he drank. Never brought friends over to the house just because he was stupid. If he doesn't remember the things he say, you may want to take a tape recorder and tape him plenty of times and play it for him when he hasn't been drinking. I did that with my dad,but that didn't go very well. But hopefully your dad has a better Sense of humor on it. good luck
Sorry your life is so frustrating. You can't do much except to gather some courage and tell your father that his nagging and his drinking are getting on the way of your happiness. He probably knows that he's trouble but can't quit drinking, if you feel that some honesty is the best thing tell him he needs help to quit drinking. This might not get him into the next AA meeting but you'll feel better after speaking your mind and confronting him. Whenever your father is drunk leave the room, stop the conversation, you and your mom don't need to put up with his crap. I always tell my birth mother that I will speak with her once she's sober and coherent but while they're mumbling and being jerks no one should be around. Your mom should also voice her opinion. You can't decide how she should deal with her husband but let her know that family life is not fun because of his drinking and that when he humiliates her you feel undermined and angry too. She's not setting a proper example for you. Good luck.
Force repercussions. Make punishments. Have an intervention. If there are no lasting consequences for his drinking, he'll never stop. Get together with your family and proclaim the house alcohol free. Tell him he has to get out or you guys will take action to have him removed.
I'm sure you all love the person he is and it pains you to see him destroy himself. Catch him when he's sober, and catch him all at once (as a family group). Try to be fair and supportive of any improvements he claims he will make. Chances are he has an emotional dependence on alcohol and needs counseling. Suggest this to the family.
Remind him that you will love him no matter what, but when he drinks, he hurts not just himself but everyone around him. If he loves you and the rest of his family, he will be open to changing his behavior.
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