Need advice with dad's family....LONG?

I am 22. I lived with my dad from the time my parents divorced until I was 13 and he got stationed in another state with the army. He was in Afghanistan and Iraq last year. For the holidays that he was over there, my stepmom didn't invite us up or anything. For some insight, she has 3 kids. The youngest one is very a very good person, he's very smart and caring, we get along great. Her daughter is 3 years older than me, and she had her first kid at 15, second at 18 and just had another one, but she did get married to the 2nd and 3rds father and they're doing great. Her oldest son is not good- he is 33, has 2 kids, doesn't hold a job, (his wife doesn't either) and my dad and step mom have helped them out of 2 foreclosures, as well as many tickets/arrests that were drug related. He always turns to them for help and money. They just bought him a house (trailer) in September. It is in a trailer park and my dad pays the rent for the lot. My step mom doesn't work. Now my problem. I have just gone back to school. My dad offered to buy my college books for my christmas/birthday presents. My first semester the books were close to $500, and his wife threw a hissy fit. Spring semester they are only $220. She is still throwing a fit about it. She said I am an adult and should get them myself (no my dad doesn't know anything about this) She has put me down over anything I've done. Our first apartment wasn't in a good area but wasn't too bad. She said we were trashy for living there. Any decisions we've made (my fiance and I) she has ridiculed. She never has anything nice to say unless my dad is around. We have NEVER asked them for money or anything- I haven't asked him for anything since I was 16 because I knew it'd start a fight with them. Now, I have the money to pay for my college books myself--I go to school full time and work full time--but since my dad wants to pay for them regaurdless of what his wife says, do I let him pay for them anyways and start another fight between them? Or do I go ahead and get them myself? I'm tired of her being like this, her son is 33 and still depending on them, yet I'm 22, have my own house, a new car, a steady job and going back to school, yet she treats me like I'm a demon or something! I'll be the first to admit, when the got married I was a hell child to her, but when I moved in with my mom we had a fairly good relationship. Here in the past few years (3 1/2 to 4 yrs) our relationship's gone to hell!! I don't want to be the cause of any fights between them, but I'm afraid to say anything to my dad about her!! Any advice you have is GREATLY appriciated!!!!!!! Thank you for your time!!Need advice with dad's family....LONG?
I think the situation is terrible. But you can get out of it in time of course not without any damage to you.





First if you don't need money, any help, try to keep calm. Don't tell your dad what you are feeling at the moment. But whenever you got a chance to see him anywhere, demostrate yourself as a sound person, responsible with good quality of character.





Second, act to your stepmom as nothing happened and as you have never felt wrong with her.





Third, only get in touch with your whole family in necessary occassions and very briefly; to be berief, look busy.





Fourth, never share your money, your wealth or your important information about your life (i.e. where you live, your BF, your grades, your friends, tendencies) with your family. Keep yourself as a little secret.





Fifth, don't think who is talking about you and how. Mind seriously your business and act like that.





I am 35 today, believe me, if you are too open, you will be damaged. If you are too closed you will damage yourself. Have a good balance between. You don't choose your family that's not your fault. Try to forget other peoples mistakes or misdeeds, try to concentrate your own and try to create a better personality for yourself.Need advice with dad's family....LONG?
let me know the results in time if you have time. good luck. Don't ruin yourself; talk to your BF a lot to discharge. Make him listen to you until you are done complaining.

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I've got a stepmom. Its the same (well not as bad as yours) I buy a pair of jeans she throws a fit, she buys a pair (probably twice as must money) And its perfectly fine. I think if your dad wants to do something for his (seemingly wonderful son) he should go ahead and do it. this woman sounds very controlling and self centered. Like her children are better no matter what they do and no matter what you do. You should put your foot down, express this to your dad, you have made some very good points about her, and you have back up. But also dont let her get you down, you have a good life (minus her) and maybe just try to forget her. Still be nice to her. But dont bend over backwards for her and dont be cold and rude. And maybe ask her, ';hey we used to have a pretty good relationship, what happened? Did i do something to offend you?'; and just ask her ';So how do you feel?'; I know it sounds cheesy, but being asked how someone feels can totally change them. It shows you have noticed and change or something a little off, and you care about that.